Thursday, March 06, 2008

On my mind

This is difficult for me to admit, but I am just going to plunge in and do it!
The other day I was watching a movie and there was a couple just doing "couply" things. Looking content and at peace with the world. My reaction would not have been different if I had been sucker punched. I felt a real pain in my gut that gradually moved northward and settled in my heart.

I want a boyfriend. Do I need one? I think I probably do. I have this need to be part of a couple (and yes, that also includes the not so at-peace-with-the world things too). Only thing is, I don't ever get to meet anyone. I go to work, go home. Go for meetings outside of the office, go home. Go for worship on Sundays, go home. I am sure you get the picture.


These days it seems the only way is through the matchmaking antics of friends. I certainly can't just walk up to a guy and tell him that I am interested. My own is as good as finished in Lagos if he turns out to be the sort of jerk who misinterprets that as meaning that you are a desperate maybe even promiscuous girl.

And then because I am a single mother, it is just a tad bit more difficult because a lot of people tend to get put off. And I use the word people because the guy may think nothing of it and then go home and mention that he just met a single mother and his mother, father, brother, friend will advice him against it. This does not bother me as it is a good way of seperating the wheat from the first layer of chaff.


Anyways, I do need to meet someone. Any ideas?

29 comments:

  1. fiiiiiiiiiiiiirst, yippee. I have asked you before,and I am asking again would you be interested in Chineesemen? Loads of them in my class, I could easily make some connections.
    Seriously though, you do need to go out more or consider dating a colleague.
    My brother thinks we should go back to the bethrothal days to save ourselves from this growing problem.

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  2. Hey girl.. how u dey?

    as far as meeting someone, dunno, maybe join a gym. lots of eligible men there.. what am saying, sef.

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  3. I see Uzo wants to hook u up...:) Do email her...

    My strong gut feeling says u'll definitely meet someone...but I have to emphasize that you must wait and be patient, because there's THE "right time."

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  4. You have to go somewhere for you to meet someone.. he wont just knock on your door

    except in Movies sha...

    But dont worry , it will happen. and the man will love your child like his own..

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  5. @ For the love: No words for you on the Chinesemen. Dating a colleague is not something I would consider. I tend to treat the work place as a workplace, not a hunk pool. Maybe I should re-think that. Your brother has a point. The old people got something right there.

    @ Uzo: Oh my! Doing that right away.

    @ Simi Speaks: That gym one....A bit scary. Some of the guys are too big. The other guys there are so intent on their muscles that dating them means that if you add 1kg they give you loads of flack. I tend to want room to be myself. I haven't met any of the guys in the middle. But then again, I haven't been to a gym in ages. Maybe I should join.

    @ Jaycee: I have. I totally agree with what you have said. I have waited this long because I do not want to kiss any frogs. Again, everything will be taken soffry soffry and by His Grace, no frogs shall be kissed. (And by kiss, I do not just mean the physical act of actually kissing someone. It includes not spending valuable time on unworthy people)

    @ Jade: Sure. Just open any dictionary, go to Amazing. The picture underneath, that's me!

    @ Allied: I know, I know, but my interests do not lie in the pubs and nightclubs of Lagos and that seems like the place that all the young men haunt.

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  6. Hmm maybe apart from going to church on sundays, you can go for midweek services or single meetings?

    I know there are some fake brothers in church but i also know the church is a safe place to meet Godly men. Besides, God knows ur heart and in time he will lead the right man to u...

    It is well!

    N.B - Abi u wan try online dating ;)

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  7. U gas to go out, don't isolate ursef, create time out, it sucs i know but one has to, say parties- friends parties etc and of course pray seriously about it.

    I AM ACTIVELY SEARCHING MESEF!!! But no pressure sha, I am still within range, wink.

    anyhoos, word of encourageement: a friends sis was in a rel wt some man in london, lon g story but rel did not work, she has a son and had to leave, think the man is amrried or sumthing, seways, she got her life together, closer to her maker, went back to school, now working and doing well with son and to cap it all, about to amrry a SINGLE man wt no KIDS who is a med doc! so happy for her and am sure God will do same for you (and moi!). Thnaks for stopping by!

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  8. Don't u av email add? U've *stolen* my post as ur comment on mine, that was meant to be part 2!!!!!!!!!

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  9. I don't think one can actively seek for a man, they usually come when you lease expect. My own experience o.

    Abi you wab try facebook :)

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  10. I really love your candor! Anyhoo, I definately recommend the book, 'If Men are like buses, how do I catch one?'-by Michelle McKinney Hammond.

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  11. for the love of me...NO No NO to chinese men o! LOL...i don't want my sista to have a chinese hubby so sue me! lol...Do you have any other nationalities in your class?

    And Uzo...have you turned matchmaker? lol! i would so love to do so, but I have no skillz...
    Girlfriend, I have no clue what to say but I'll pray that you find your Mr. right!

    If I were a guy, your being a single mum wouldn't stop me one bit! I wish you all the best in everything!

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  12. i need me a man too!girl i feel you on the whole single mother thing and how is peeps will try to talk him out of it!but the man that is yours is yours and will not be detered by anything or anyone

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  13. These days I envy couples myself, I dunno church?

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  14. Travel and go places outside your comfort zone.

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  15. @ Aloted: Amen! That right man will come. Online? I don't think I'm that adventurous o!

    @ naijachic: That was a great story. Within range? LOL!

    @ naijachic again: How deeply can I apologize? I really am sorry. I thought that you did not know about that response. I did not think that you were going to use it as a Part 2. Forgive me? E-mail will be displayed at the sidebar from now on.

    @ 30+: I can not disagree with you on that. I guess I am just a bit tired and want to jumpstart things. Facebook? How does one try facebook? Randomly going through pictures and sending messages? Lordy, no! LOL!

    @ ndq: I'll try and get that. Thanks. The title is catchy!

    @ nyemoni: Help me tell that girl o! She wants me to say something that is politically incorrect. (For the love, tell them you did not see me). Awww, you are so kind. Thanks.

    @ pink-satin: If we have so many girls needing men, e worry o! Seems that for every guy there are 10 women. And of course thanks to sexual orientations, there are even less men to go round. I hear you on the last part of your comment.

    @ zena: Church is a dicey one. Besides, predators have become plenty there because they are armed with the knowledge that a lot of sisters want "divine intervention". Some of them even move from church to church. This is not to discount the fact that there are actually sincere brotheres in churches.

    @ lee: You are totally right. I need to work out that into my schedule. Thanks.

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  16. u know wat dear, just take ur mind off meeting a a partner and its just a matter of time b4 u do,

    these things they have a way of working in our fav,

    peace

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  17. LIFE IS FULL OF IRONIES I AM ON MY WAY OF OUT OF A STRESSFUL RELATIONSHIP AND HERE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP.THIS IS WHAT WE CALL LIFE ANYWAY YOUR "OWN" MAN WILL FIND YOU TRUST ME IT IS THE WAY IT IS MEANT TO BE . DONT STRESS IT. ON BEING A SINGLE MUM,IF HE IS YOUR OWN HE WONT MIND THE LITTLE ONE .I HAVE FRIENDS WHO HAVE DATED AND MARRIED SINGLE MUMS THERE IS NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN.

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  18. hey, i have been looking for a girl for this friend of mine since last year. I never see. let me know if you are interested in an Edo guy.

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  19. NGWANU UPDATE! LOL...@ Uzezi...I hope say the guy na correct sha? ;-)

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  20. ok, when you said the feeling was familiar I didnt know how literally you meant...reading this post makes me feel like I am reading me...Will be interesting to read the suggestions in the comments....maybe we'll find the answer..:)

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  21. @ Ms e: You are right. I am just so impatient....

    @ misspumping: I guess that is one of life's little ironies. Kpele. Thank you for the nice words.

    @ uzezi: Ah, you've injected tribalism into it. Anyway, will go by your blog to check on an e-mail address. If you have none listed, can you mail me?

    @ nyemoni: I suspect "for the love" sent you to ask me to update. Anyway, una no fit catch me...it's been done. LOL!

    @ afrobabe: Maybe we will.

    @ lapa: ietsog

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  22. Some people jokingly mentioned you going online. Seriously, that's one place you might actually feel comfortable. You might even use it as practice for the real thing. Facebook isn't bad, you connect with old friends, see how they are doing and take it offline if you want. I have so many stories of online dating gone wonderful.

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  23. yeah, i know how naija men feel abt single mothers. an ex once remarked dat men these days r marrying their wives as second-bcuz women r no longer virgins. u can imagine with such a mentality, wot he'd say abt a woman with a child. it's sad really

    but u'd find a good man, who would not judge u based on dat. most of d time, such men r not lying around waiting 2 b found. u really need 2 dig deep & know wot it is u really want

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