Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The one about being married can he do that, does he not know that I am a married woman?

I heard these words and allowed them segue in my head for a bit, willing myself to ignore them. I lost. Turning to my colleague, I asked her what the offence was. I had only heard the last few words but I was willing to wager that her indignation stemmed from something trivial.

‘What did he do?”

“He took a sip of my drink from my mug”

You could have knocked me down with a feather. Another battle to ignore this played out in my head. Again, I lost. Stop! I begged myself, but my mouth spoke the words of their own accord.

So are you saying that as a single girl, it would be less insulting, unhygienic to have a guy sip from my cup?”

She had no answer.

I hear this all the time. “Don’t you know that I am married?’’

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but apparently, there’s a respect that is to come automatically with being married. Once the ring is put on a chic's finger, there is a supposed to be some sign/stamp put on her that says "Hey! treat me with respect because I'm married". Maybe a halo around the head.

Am I less respectable because I am single?

To be truthful, our society is structured in such a way that a married woman is treated with more respect than a single one. A temper trauma by a married woman is explained away as “exertions of having to keep a home” whilst that of a single woman is sneered at and it is usually declared that the woman is frustrated because she is not married or she does not have a man.

Not too long ago, a friend of mine came to me with a bemused expression on her face. Apparently, she had witnessed a heated verbal war of words between two girls and when it appeared that no-one was winning, the married one said “ How dare you talk to me like that, don’t you know that I am married.” And that to Mrs Married was the ultimate rub-your-nose-in-the-dirt, I-have-won-this-battle move.Sheew. That means that women are not exempt from this give-me-respect move.

Recently, another colleague told me of an altercation that was supposed to have occured between her and some other female colleagues in another unit. I only half listened until she said " ...if they look for my trouble, I will give it back to them. After all, they are married and I am married. Yes, ke!"

My reaction to this state of affairs?

"Sorry, I did not see the halo around your head" I will treat everyone the same way.


  1. wow - I hadn't realised that being married would be used as a leverage in disputes. So singles like us should go and cry ourselves in the corner, what utter nonsece.

    Thanks for opening my eyes, I can see why this cousin of mine, who just came over to join her husband in england from nigeria had the boldness to lie and insult me at every chance she gets - just cause she was married. LOL.

    Enjoyed your post.

  2. Well I know some ladies overdo it on the married thingy. I lost touch with a couple of friends simply cos they were married and no longer wished to be associated with single gals like me then.

    I think that flaunting the 'dont you know I'm married' stuff is all finicky!!

  3. i'm not too surprised... nigerians take the whol married thing to a whole other level.

  4. @TLOASCM: Ah, someone that has had THE EXPERIENCE. How can you accuse her of lying? Don't you know that she is married? LOL! Actually, I think that it's just her nature to be like that.

    @calabar gal: "I think that flaunting the 'dont you know I'm married' stuff is all finicky!!" You can say that again. Meanwhile, married woman, don't you wear your own halo around your head and demand respect for your status? LOL!

    @belle: You are quite right. We too do.

  5. I will only be surprised if I get to realise what Nigerians cant take advantage of, even in irrelavant cases!

  6. this married thing shaa....Nigerians!!

  7. err ma binu but i was hoping that you could blog soon about how your husband that never was came to have the never tag
    and how you came to be a single mom

    of course you will wonder who is this nonsense anonymous poster that is asking me foolish private questions...but as they say, ill never know unless i ask...the most you can do is say no


  8. Another anonymous 'bullshiter', I see!!!

  9. I will not let anyone insult me because the person is married. Married or single we all deserve out respects...

  10. Lolll - how could i have stayed away fromyour blog for soo long?? :-D I love your writing style

    And yeah - all these stupid women who think simply being married puts them on a pedestal. The stories I've heard (shaking my head in disgust) - I would have laughed hysterically if the woman said that to me thinking she would win the argument.

  11. I know nigerians can over do the married woman thing. I have this one friend who changed so much when she got married all of a sudden we were all too small for her.
    I have been married for some years and i introduce myself by my first name and hardly Mrs..and people assume I am single and just treat me with levity, but once they find out I am married they are all over me.."madam good morning how the children" or " I didnt know you were married" and the respect level changes ..My annoying male colleagues dont make inappropriate jokes around me cus I am married and I thank God for that..but why can't people just respect people married or not! thanks for coming by my blog

  12. That is what is called classified aseju(over doing things).

    Does getting married change the way people should talk and relate with us ni.

  13. Well, it might be difficult to blame them. Many believe marriage defines their core essence.


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