Shortsightedness

I was watching the news yesterday when I saw him...He has lost most of his black hair to gray or perhaps he used to dye it and since jail does not exactly support that sort of vanity his true color is showing. He has lost some weight (although that is not immiediately obvious as he's a man of considerable weight- maybe as a consequence of chopping up). His face was not shown at first because he was lying across 4 or so cheap brown plastic seats. The first thing that crossed my mind was " That has to be uncomfortable!' At a point he was helped up from the seats and his face showed that he was under some sort of strain. Several people rushed to him to support him even in his sitting position.

It was Alamieyeseigha, often described now as the embattled former governor of Bayelsa state. The news reported that he was suffering from some cardiovascular disease. According to news reports, on about two occasions he slumped while trying to stand on his feet. He rested his head on the table throughout the period of the proceeding.

I tried to dredge up pity for him in my heart, but found that I could not quite manage it. You see, I had watched a report done on Bayelsa State. It was a story of promises unfulfilled, projects left unfinished, the ill gotten gains of politicians rubbed uncringly in the face of the common man. I was dismayed and thoroughly annoyed to find out that even water was not provided for the common man. Majority of the indigenes in the state do not have runnning water and have to spend at least N200 a day paying for water to be fetched for them. This in a country were the minimum wage is N7,500 a month. You try and do the Math. This was when Mr. A was still in the UK. Next thing you know, he appears and claims that it is a MIRACLE! Apparently he slept in the Uk and woke up in Nigeria. No apologies to his people for what stealing money that could have been used to better their lives.

My thinking on this Mr. A issue is that if he had had the foresight to use some of the billions he stole to build a state of the art hospital in his state, he may be flown there now. Instead, taxpayers money will have to be used to fly him abroad for the operation he needs to save his life. No pity because I asked myself what would happen to the average Bayelsan if he developed this condition. He definitley would not have access to taxpayer's money to foot the bill for his surgery. He may well not even be able to afford to register at a hospital. In fact, his fate would most likely be ...death.

Show me your papers!

If you are anything like me and like to get one over the moronic policemen that stand on the road harrasing innocent car drivers, here's some good news.

It has officially been stated on the police website, here, that these are the

PARTICULARS MOTORISTS NEED TO PRESENT AT POLICE CHECK POINT

Driving License
Insurance Certificate
Certificate of Road Worthiness (Commercial vehicles only)

You Don't need to present

Vehicle purchase documents
Proof ownership (except if the vehicle is unregistered)
Receipt of plate number
ECMR

You can print out several copies of the webpage that has the instructions and leave them in your car, in case the hasslers decide to stop you. It's end of the month now and they will create even more illegal checkpoints in the hope that they can "chop" out of your pay.

NEPA, mind yourself o!

I still call PHCN by its old name- NEPA

Nepa, Nepa, Nepa, your cup runneth over....We had almost constant elecricity in September. So much so that from time to time, my brother and I would actually wish that Nepa would strike and take their light away. You see, we have learned from experience to look a gift horse in the mouth. The normal trend is constant light for a month or two and then close to nothing for the following month or two. For this month of November, we have not had light for 24hrs straight. I pity our generator. I strongly believe that given the sort of work it has been made to do this month, if it had legs, it would scuttle away anytime we come close to turn it on.

And to make matters worse, it is HOT!! I called my friend just yesterday and she answered like she was dying. Alarmed, I asked her what was going on. Her answer: There was no light and she was lying down on her bed dripping with sweat because of the sweltering heat. Have a quick shower then. She had already had 3 and it was just 1 p.m. Put on your generator. It was overworked and was needed more at night. Besides, fuel isn't free.

Nepa, remember NITEL o! I remember when my cousin wanted to get a line. One of the requirements was that she submits a photograph of the house. Imagine!! That is in addition to all the plenty egunje (bribe) that she would have to pay to secure a line. She chased that around for almost a year, invested her time and quite a bit of un-official money but got no line. This was 1999/2000, not so far in the past.

Who remembers that NITEL now when all you have to do is spend 200bucks on a line that starts working immediately and even comes with free call credit. “All national trunks are busy" and waiting 30minutes for a dial tone has been forgotten. Who even remembers that Nitel owns and runs a GSM network? The average Nigerian will tell you that there are 3 GSM networks in Nigeria and not two. Nobody wants to tango with them because they bring bad memories of terrible or non-existent customer service.

A word is enough for the wise. Give us what you are supposed to

. In the words of Beyonce "Don't ever for a moment think you are irreplaceable".

Terrorist at Lagos Airport

Please read this.

PUNCH

I am not sure if I should believe it or its some sort of propaganda. Kindly let me know what you think.

Turning One

My daughter is turning one in a little less than a month.

I started getting THE QUESTION about 6 months ago-"So when is the party?'' For those who know me, I have an aversion to parties, weddings and all such socializing events and things so I decided to prepare their minds right from time. NO PARTY.

The reaction I generally get is disbelief and a loud “eh? No waay o!”

Their reasons for my need to celebrate?

Give thanks to the Lord for His Gift.
I am pretty certain that all the thanks I have given Him everyday for almost a year have been received. My Creator aint baal.

Did your parents not celebrate your first birthday for you?
And by doing so, did I sign a contract that I would definitely do the same for my own child?

This is one of the most important and happiest days of her life.
Granted, that is why we are having cake and ice-cream. Besides, she will have many more important and happiest days in her life to rival this one.

She will need to see pictures when she is growing up.
My family members and I plus any friends that pop by for cake and ice-cream will gather around her and take pictures around the cake.

In fact, there is no reason I can think of why I absolutely MUST throw a party for her. I have taken my daughter to 2 parties and each time, she was uncharacteristically quiet and withdrawn as though could not quite believe the crowd around her. How will she then enjoy this carnival I have been asked to throw for her?

I am more inclined to throwing her a party when she turns 5. At least that way, she will actually get to enjoy her own bouncy castle, train ride and the food that is being served, even the presents that she receives. She will also have her own friends there rather than just the adults that want to eat out of my largesse by chopping and getting their children entertained for free at her first birthday party.

Anyway, this week, perhaps because the pressure had intensified, I asked a friend and colleague whose mother has a catering outfit how much she thinks it would cost to cater to about 50 guests. Her quote seemed rather reasonable so for 30 minutes after our conversation, all those that asked me the "oh so important question" of when the party was going to hold, I told that I was thinking of just doing rice salad, drinks. That just opened a can of worms as they started with:

“Ah, no party is complete without bouncy castle.”
“Train rides, nko?”
“What about party packs? I am going to the market tomorrow. Just give me the contract” …*wink* *wink*…

" Goat meat suya will be great"

So guess what? We are back to cake and ice-cream. Anyone who does not like it can choose a body of water to dive into. Lord knows that Lagos is about 40% water.