Saturday, February 23, 2008

Mother of your child

I have a post I have been working on for a few day. I was going to put it up in a few days but tonight I came across this video (watch it here, embedding has been disabled) and decided to blog about it instead. I had never heard the song before. Imagine my surprise when she belted out the words "I'm the mother of your child and you're stuck with me for life".

Stuck? Ah! I literally cringed and shut off the song for a few minutes. However, curiosity got the better of me and I started playing it again. The fact that I was watching the video meant that I did not miss any body language that told me what she really meant as she belted out the words. Let me summarize the unsaid things in song: You had better respect me or else I will use our child to emotionally blackmail you and make you sorry that you ever dissed me.

As a single mother, I feel some of her pain. It is hard to find a single mother who won't. The journey to single motherhood is never an easy one. The acrimony, the pressure from outsiders who do not know half your story but are ever quick to give advice. It is all a bit hellish really. It is made especially worse if there was nothing wrong with the relationship before the baby came along. "...9 ½ months ago I was your boo, ever since our baby’s been born you’ve been acting real brand new . I know what she means by asking for respect, but you don't get it by throwing a lamp at the child's father because you caught him kissing someone else (especially as this child is now about 4years old). Nne, move on.

To use a child you claim to love as a means to punish should never be an option. Moreso, the whole thing about declaring that y'all are stuck together for life is just distasteful and a cry for help. No-one is really stuck to anyone. Not mother to son. Not wife to husband. Not brother to sister. Certainly not mother of child and father of child.

And then at the end of the video, she goes: "Ha. It’s gon rain on your head!". That 's like saying "O e ti mo kan kan" ( Loosely translates to mean: You've not seen anything yet!).


  1. The woman (or writer of the lyrics) was obviously in so much pain and filled with so much anger, but u're right...if u really think abt it, no one is STUCK to goes on, and unexpected happiness can come from a source u would never predict. So I guess the key phrase is to just be happy where u are now and have hope for a brighter future.

    I'm glad u feel the way u feel in ur second-to-last paragraph...:)

  2. Ouch...that hurts but I feel her pain...sometimes one can be so low and feel that way but when one is able to come to terms with her hurt and anger, they realize it's not worth it...what I'm saying is I feel it's not a permanent state of mind...I relate too cos sometimes I can get somad at my hubby that i think of doing all kinds of stuff just to get back....after the storm passes I wonder why i everfelt like that...I guess that's the way life is....the sad part is to be in a permanent state of anger....Nice post...and bigups to you on rising above your is indeed in your best interests...take care...

  3. Different people deal with the same situation differently. It is up to us to choose the best way for us to move on healthly. Trully it is so hard to deal with a broken heart, disspointment, roberry, unfulfilled promises, all that comes with a broken relationship, but I thank God for where you are at right now. One thing I do know is regardless of what others think, those that are important to you will never hold it against you. The very best.

  4. Wow...It sounds like this came out of a lot of pain..I love your perspective on this...sadly, a lot of parents (single or married) take out their angst on each other forgetting that children are like sponges and will soak up all the vibes...

  5. hmm..well said. i havent listened to the song yet but i do know this world is full of pain...and some people tend to blame others for their feelings.

    Even some married people use their children has weapons against each other which is so sad.

    Personally i think we all need to take responsibilites for our feelings/hurt/pain etc. Thats the beginning to recovery. my thots

  6. Just listened to the song. I thought that whole lamp thing was not because he was kissing someone but because he did it in her home.

    Anyway, I have so much respect for single mums. I often help my friends who are single mums babysit and believe me, doing it all on your own is not easy. Many times I have been called when little things that we take for granted comes, the mum can't make it on time to pick her child cos there is traffic or has to work extra cos they need the money, or take the child to the dentist cos she can't afford to lose money from work, or she just needs an hour nap or the child needs to go for one sport activity or the other and she can't make it there....I have gone for teachers parents meetings, christmas plays.... or has to run to buy drugs cos the child is ill but can't leave the child at home many little things that having a partner would have made so much easier...

    Abeg, you guys deserve praise for all the hard work and do u guys do it?

    Nne, na you biko! Well done!


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