Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Don’t you know that I am a married woman?

An acquaintance came to me to tell me that she was getting married. I was at a loss as to what to say. “Congratulations?” “I am so happy for you?”

It is common knowledge that the groom-to-be beats her openly, cheats on her even more openly and rather than contributing to her living expenses, “borrows” money from her that never gets paid back. Strange as it may seem, he appears to have hit upon a magical formula because this girl wants to “die put” on top of his matter and has now reaped what she thinks is the ultimate prize.

A husband who is anything but.

The right to say to people: “Don’t you know that I am a married woman?”

An MRS, as opposed to us lesser mortals that settle for an MSC or an MBA.

She searched my face keenly, waiting for a response.
I settled for a barely whispered “All the best”.


  1. na wa o. i HATE how women kill themselves over this marriage thing, its not by force now? haba.she probably belives he'd change once shes married to him but like i always say the same man/woman u take to the alter is the same damn wife beater/cheat/liar/bitch etc that u take bak home, nothing changes at the alter.

  2. Sad, I've learnt that talking to women in such situations seems to only make them more adamant. She has to reach her breaking point b4 she can get out of it, its so depressing.

  3. what a pity? why do some women behave like this...

    Self esteem dey important o!

  4. what a shame that she's going into this with eyes wide open. I couldn't have come up with a more apt response!

    Great blog by the way!

  5. Ah thats Naija for you ooh its a serious badge of honor ... I wonder regardless of the quality of the marriage .

  6. What happened to my comment, do you have comment moderation?
    And it was such a long speech,cant repeat it.just that the pressure on women in our society is too strong. some women simply arent able to cope with the pressure so they succomb.Not everyone is strong enough to say I'm single and proud. They'd rather be unhappily married and proud.

  7. @ Jaycee: It really isn't.

    @ 36: You got it in one. absoultely nothing changes. If anything does, it's the optimism of the woman that entered into such an arrangement thinking that she would be able to change her spouse.

    @ Abimars: I say that all the time. It's sadly true. Em, can I view your blog please? It's inmyheadandaroundme@gmail.com. Thanks

    @ ibilola: I wonder if she understood it the way I intended for her to. Can't read you blog too, dear.

    @ Misan: LOL! No you couldn't have. Except if you had said Eyes Wide Shut. To the problems she is about to create for herself and the children that have to endure that marriage with her.

    @ Belema: We are the ones that make it such a badge of honor. We allow it to be.

    @ For the love: I wish your initial words of wisdom had been preserved. True words.

  8. Unfortunately some people buy into the message that as a woman, if you are not married , you do not matter, so the weaker ones "die put" as you said it and sometimes "die for", when that wildly slung punch hits a vital organ.
    Case in point, a difference in opinions recently in blogville, and a suposedly married woman said about another, "she aint gat a man", as if that had anything to do with anything, when the single girl was trying to tell another single girl to expect more from herself than take back a cheating boyfriend. So sometimes the voices that tell such a woman to go ahead and get married to such a man are louder than the ones that say "you deserve better". If you try to tell her that, you will be accused of being jealous.She has to hit rock bottom before she can get herself out of that situation like Abimars said, or with maturity, he will turn a new leaf.If all else fails and she enters this situation by herself, we can hope for the best, right?

    Kemi A.

  9. All for d sake of being called 'mrs. lagbaja' in our society.

  10. Na wah o! eally some do view the title MRS. as a really big deal regardless of the fact that they should be the other parties' Mrs...and if you DARE make the mistake of calling such Miss or Ms? I've had such experiences where they almost scream IT'S MRS JAGBAJANTIS to me! God help her..

  11. Very well said. I was just thinking the same thing abour marriage ;-) What is it they say about great minds?

  12. When you have not put much effort into developing your own identity, then it will be easy to buy into the idea that a title or position will make you something better...
    Misan, I don't think her eyes are wide open at all. She has closed them tight....

  13. Hello!
    I am just dropping by to let you know about my blog. I hope you would drop by.

  14. I must be Mrs by force by force!
    enuf fasting and prayer for her!Poor Pastor and children that wuld be brought into the whole 'Mr & Mrs' Drama.

  15. how come everyone in blogsville is writing on the futility of marriage? u're really scaring this brother o!

    interesting blog. its my first time here...

  16. Why do some ladies put themselves in situations like this? Would she be surprised if the marriage turns out to be a complete disaster??? I'd rather be single (though i'm not), than marry a useless man!

  17. @ Aloted: I think that it's because they have deeply rooted self esteem issues..

    @ Kemi A.: The "die for" part is always hovering around their heads but they choose not to see it. We claim that it is 'society' that makes usclamour for marriage at all cost. That 'society' is made up of 90% women who do not understand that a girl can be single and happpy/fulfilled. We are the ones that drive ourself to destruction.

    @ wienna: Amazing isn't it?

    @ Nyemoni: LOL! They have to differentiate themselves from the unfulfilled masses.

    @ Atutupoyoyo: You sabi ;)

    @ Catwalq: Very well said.

    @ For the Love: Chei! Says she who just revived her blog because she travelled a thousand miles across the world.

    @ The Beads Factor: Please contact our Events department for Advert rates...I am just joking! Do your thing! I have actually been to your site before.

    @ Hopeful B: Pastor, hapless friends (like myself, although I have stopped giving her audience so she has moved her gripping to someone else), children, uncles, nephews, cousins, neighbours...the list is endless.

    @ Ozavashe: ...and I have read every single post you put out cunning linguist N. I started visiting your blog the week you first posted.

    Scaring? we are just informing you that we know that there is a lot more to life than being a wife.

    @ writefreak: Suprised, I actually think so. She seems convinced in her mind that this marriage will tame the beast and direct all his attention to her. Wrong reasons to get married.

    How far with his my journey to Ghana? Please let me have your e-mail address so that we can talk.

  18. The things women will put up with to be a part of the Mrs Club. Hopefully she will learn in due course. Those sort of the people are the ones you will claim you're hating on them if you dont over-enthuse at the news. Oh well - at least you wished her well.

  19. If you venture telling her the truth we will be visiting you in the hospital...a babe in my last work place in lag got married,a month later she was coming to work with uncombed hair and looking harrassed...we heard her husband (a banker) beats her like mad..

    I asked how long they dated and guess what...2 months...She just knew he was the one.

  20. It's stuff like this i really hate hearing. Too many Nigerian women (come to think of it, people) are just obsessed with getting married. One of the reasons i think this goes on is that too many people here CARE TOO MUCH AbOUT WHAT OThERS THINK.

    Nice blog by the way. Thanks for dropping by!!1

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