Saturday, July 07, 2007

Hello, My name is In My Head and I am a germophobe

About 7 years ago, I was sitting in a friend's car when I noticed a guy leaning on a nearby car ( I guess this is where I say that he was really handsome and I was irresistibly drawn to his foine body...Wake up!! So not happening) The first thing that drew my attention was the loud sneeze he was in the middle of. It looked something like this:

I kid you not.

Anyhoo, the bros used his hands to catch what he could (you know that using his hands to try and contain the sneeze) and then wiped said soiled hands on his trousers. I was like this:

Next thing, the friend that I was waiting for comes towards the car. This sneezy guy claps eyes on my friend and because he recognises Mr. Friend, his face splits into a broad smile and he offers his hands (avec beacoup germs) for a handshake. Unsuspecting Mr. friend takes hand and gives a firm manly shake. Then, to my horror, points to me and says "Meet my friend , In My Head ". Snotty sneezy guy then turns to me and offers his hands for a handshake. ( The only thing I could hear at that moment was the loud "Aw, Hell No!" resounding in my head)

At that very moment, I became the girl who does not shake hands. It won me a lot of enemies, but I kept my sanity and my hands reasonably clean.

Fast forward to the present: There is this guy at work that always presents his hands for shaking. I am used to having the reputation of being the girl who does not shake hands and I can't believe that there is still a human being alive that does not know about my germophobia. I have been managing this business by offering a closed fist. but yesterday he even held open both hands for a "Hi-10" Did I mention that his hands are always clammy and cold?

I have restrained myself from having to tell him because

1. He's really sensitive and might be scarred for life.

2. I am really not sure how to pass the message across tactfully. I usually just get to the point but this won't work for Mr Sensitive.

So I need your help. What do you thing think the best way is to tell him?


  1. I don't know what to recommend. Uzo once hugged someone who just emerged from the bathroom instead of shaking hands with him, but if you did that often...

    Shake hands, then find a way to go wash your hands. That's the best, I think.

  2. I'm not going to offer my hand for a shake when we meet, not going to lend you my phone to make a quick call so you don't recoil, not going to share the earpiece of my mp3 player...

    I don't sneeze into my hands, though. I don't touch bannisters in public places either. After I read Ayi Kwei Armah's "The beautiful ones are not yet born", I became a closet germophobe.

  3. @ Azuka: I usually have sanitizer in my bag and use that, but apparently it creeps people out when I shake hands and immiediately reach for my bag.

    @laspapi: LOL! You understand.

    I faintly remember that book describing someone spitting. Graphic to say the least. I read that book over 10 years ago and I still remember.

    One day, you are going to have to come out to your friends and family. I hope they can accept the fact that you are different. LOL!

  4. girl, just stopped by, love your blog
    i personally have like 50 bottles of hand sanitizer,
    i try as much as possible not to shake people, , i dont touch the banister, door handles,
    i also try not to touch anythin in public/open places..hahah
    am crazy i know.

  5. What do I think is the best way to tell him? Girl you are - O Y O !!


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  7. you too dey do ajibo. wetin sef? germs are like air, you can't really avoid them (they are even in the air).i imagine there are people in lagos who would fall ill if exposed to fresh air, and u are complaining about people's hands.good luck o! ajibo.for goodness sakes shake hands, then do ur ajibo thing and use ur sanitizer when the concerned person can't see you, there's no use offending people - and doin that certainly will.please dont get me wrong, i'm not askin you to shake hands with someone whose hands are still moist with saliva that he just sneezed into them, just be...
    waffarian how far with the advert, u no try o!

  8. many Nigerian guys can be very chauvinistic and i unfortunately went to a school were shaking hands was believed to be a guy thing and guys hugged girls when they are i became the annoying girl that only shook hands. u can imagine how awkward it was each time a strange guy leaned in for a hug.
    i never thought about catching stuff from them. there really isnt any way to make people feel its ok. i think u should keep doing what u do. shake hands and clean them later in private.

  9. @toyintomato: A fellow germophobe! Welcome. The force is strong with you.

    @calabargal: OMO eh? Thanks, I now know who my blog friends are. LOL!

    @anon: Actually first to everyone that reads his comment. Forgive him. This anon is my brother and he forgot to take his medication. He thinks that being an ajebutter is the worst thing possible. Of course he's too bush to spell so he calls me "ajibo". Waffarian, I apologise on his behalf. I'll put his leash on him right now.

    @femme: Ah, hugging is not better at all. I would rather shake all the strange guys (with dubious hands) than hug them. I don't do touchy feely. I don't blame you for choosing the shaking option.

  10. Dunno what to advise here- no hug, no handshake, what else is left?

  11. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaha

  12. Simply tell him dat u don't shake hands in your religion. Tell him, u just converted to islam, and women don't shake mens' hands.



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