Where I have been

Very busy with work and life (especially work, lol!)...

I decided to take a look at my life and prune away unneccessary things. I re-evaluated my life over the last few years and had to decide on what was important and needed improving on and what was just dragging me down. This became especially clear to me when Michael Jackson (I love you more!) passed on. It was again brought home to me the fact that every day we live equals to a day less here on earth.

Also, I have been flying a bit and there is nothing like experiencing extremely bad turbulence with "in the name of Jesus!!" screaming Nigerians to have your life flash you by.

So I have effected a few changes. I have always known that what is unnecessary is disturbing so bye-bye to:

Reading theybf and other gossip sites. I do not need to know every last thing that Beyonce or Kanye have been up to. Instead, I filtered what I was really looking for: pictures on their fashion and found another blog that focuses on that without all the unnecessary gist.

I have to mention the fact that theybf had very damaging stories on Michael Jackson. Including how he was strange and had all that surgery and was trying to be white. Okay, and so? It is not my business. I have my own issues and reading someone else's does not help me in anyway unless it is constructive in the sense that I am drawing lessons from another's experiences that will positively impact my life. In a way I feel that even reading those things about him added to his unhappiness. A burden that I no longer want to bear.

I need to add that this is not a personal attack against theybf. She tells a good story and is highlighted here because she was the only site of its kind I used to read (I am usually visually stimulated and she has loads of pictures to go with each story).

I am reading books that open up my mind. Not just reading for reading sake. My time here has to count. And how can it count if I am reading rubbish?

I still need to struggle with what I watch as I put away a lot of movies and series. Couldn't I be spending that time better.

Spending quality time with my daughter. Doing more things that will benefit her.

So there you have it. What have you been up to?

Heartbreak Hotel

I was watching this video yesterday and laughing.

Laughing at myself and how torn up I was listening to this song a few years ago. Kai! I had memorized the lyrics and could even tell you at what facial expressions followed the words in the video. That song resonated with me, I tell you! An anthem for broken hearts!

At the time, my then boyfriend and I had agreed to part ways amicably partly because he was relocating and we both agreed that there was no way we could sustain a long distance relationship. The agreement was that we would wait until he had left before we moved on to any new relationships. I kept my end of the deal. He went and started an emotional relationship with someone else and that was when the heartbreak set in. Yeah, nothing happened with her (he said, she also said) but I lost weight on top of the matter and was so despondent half the time, I don’t know how I managed to exist. I actually used to feel pressure in my chest, like my heart had broken and the pieces were heavier apart than they had been together.

Now, if you are reading this, permit me to give you a word of advice. Stop fixating, stop worrying. Believe me, it will all pass. The time that you spend wailing, worrying and generally feeling sad will never come back to you to use in some way that is more beneficial so SNAP out of it and get on with the incredible and beautiful business of living. Trust me when I say that you will look back and wonder what the heck was wrong with you. Also, don’t listen to songs like this when you are feeling down in the dumps. You will only sink lower. It is a great song, but listen to it when you can handle it.

To digress a bit: I am not just addressing people that are getting out of relationships. Hopefully even those that are in relationships that are less than adequate will realize that the time is NOW to take a stand as to whether you want to continue in that marriage or that friendship or that relationship or not.

Love yourself and others will love you.

And please change your playlists to songs like the one below that affirm the wonderful person you are!

BTW: My ex-boyfriend apologized several times and we have remained such good friends (more than 8 years down the line) that it is hard to believe that we went through a phase where the very sight of him pleased me as much as it hurt me.

Man!

If you have ever had the indignity of being approached by men who think that they are all that and a bag of chips, then this audio clip must resonate with you.

A few months ago, a married man approached me and offered me a car, driver and a house. Although I told him that I had the first two and was not homeless, he went on. He was going to rent the latter and according to him buy one for me if he was happy with the relationship. He also told me that on no uncertain terms was I allowed to date anyone else while we were involved. If I were to attempt to do so, he would know and that the punishment would be severe.

This clown also told me that he knew that since I was a single mother (he had to go there), I would need someone to take care of my child for me. He was going to act as a father figure to my child (make decisions for her and about her welfare) and all that he asked was that I treat him well and meet his demands. I was also exhorted to always remember that he was a very demanding fellow who needed me to ask "how high?" whenever he asked me to jump. True talk, he said that. Not in the same way or with the same words but it was the same message.

Did I mention that I had only just met this man, as in he spoke to me the day before and on the day he was reading me the riot act, it was day 2? He was also what my friend likes to call "grammatically dysfunctional." On top of that he had been sent abroad by his company to work for a year and had an affected accent plus a very thick Nigerian accent. It was painful to hear him speak.

Wondering why I even let him talk so much? My company liaises with his and I wanted to handle the matter in as undisruptive a manner as possible. Also, I was curious to know what he had to say especially as I recognized him for what he was: village boy who was lucky to get a good job that paid some money but not so much that he could be mouthing off like that.

When I told him my emphatic NO! he said he would give me some time to think about it as he felt that maybe there was something holding me back which I had declined to share with him. As far as he was concerned, he was offering a great deal and he may well be my last bus stop.

I could not take a day 3 of that ignoramus taking up my valuable time.

Frugal is the word!

This is a continuation from my last post. I am disabling comments because this is just supposed to be a list. If you want to add any thing to the list, please do so by commenting on the mail below.

Thanks to: Gee, Joicee, Moworld, Aloted, AfroBeat, Writefreak, Bloggarati (the name of the post came from him), Original Mgbeke and Tisha, for helping me build up the list!

General

Cut down on any unnecessary expense. A great way of doing this is tracking your spending. You buy anything, you note it down in a journal.

You don't need to buy the kids the latest toys. Gather all their toys in a big basket and bring out different ones each month. They would think it's brand new!

No more Mr. Nice Guy! Ok, I know there are some relatives that really need financial assistance but there are always some Oliver Twists in their midst. Anytime they show up, complain about UR financial woes. They won't bother u again.

Eating out/ Going out

Stop shopping on impulse for Clothin and shoes that are not NEEDED.

Cut down on excessive expenditure on perishable goods. Instead of buying lots of fruits and veg and end up throwing them away, buy just enough that you need.

Cut back on eating out, and you know Naijas love to eat out especially Naija people in Naija. As opposed to going to Mr. Biggs, Tantalizers, Happy Bite and whatever fast food is the new thing, pack your own lunch. I have saved so much money from not eating out 'cos that's how it adds up. Now I cook for the week in advance and pack it to work every day.

For people who go to clubs, they can cut down on it. Do you know how much a drink costs in those places?

Eat more home cooked food and spend less on buying food out of the house.

If you're constantly going to the movies, Silverbird them...how about doing a movie day with the girls at your house.

Smart saving:

Live below your means: If you cannot save/invest at least 10% of your income you are living above your means. To live below your means you should save/invest about 20% of your monthly income, every other expenditure should be cut off or suspended.

Take a Health insurance and a life Insurance: This eliminates 2 major financial risks you and your dependents may face.

Invest in Real Estate using Investment Clubs: With the proposed decline in real estate, small investments in different real estate ventures, with minimal debt would be preferable to large investments. This form of investment is usually available using an Investment Club.

Fashion and Beauty

Buy a home manicure kit and do your own nails. I pluck my own eyebrows so that saves me $7 every 2 weeks or so that I would spend in waxing.

Cut back on impulse and unneccesary purchases i.e clothes, travel, weddings.

No more buying of aso-ebi. Ask for color code and check your wardrobe. It’s bound to be there (and if not, wear something similar, it's your presence that counts!)

If you no fit afford aso ebi let the bride know, cos for these parts some people charge some ridiculous amount for asoebi and bridal train dresses

Surviving the recession

I have had a lot on my mind recently (yeah, what else is new). The thing that most occupies my mind is this global recession and how it affects me. I have tried to talk about it with some of my friends but find that a lot of people are not even sure that we are in a recession and a few others that do know think that they can keep living their lives normally until economic forces force them to adjust (pardon the pun). I find that the typical Nigerian behavior is reactive rather than proactive and what this means is that we wait until a simple challenge has turned into a complex labyrinth before we start working our way out of it. I am guilty of this too. After all, I am Nigerian.

However, I have decided that on this particular issue I have no choice but to be as proactive as possible. I am no expert but the way I see it, there are 2 things I can do.

1. Cut back on all unnecessary expenses. Frugality has to be the watchword. 

2. Find a source of income other than my salary. (I used to have one but kind of abandoned it   when I changed jobs).

I have even started reading some frugality blogs in the hope that I can learn a few things. Most of the tips don’t apply to us here in Nigeria. [However, this may interest owners of gold jewelry]. I did manage to find some tips here but some of them are much too extreme for my taste. This is the list I really like.

So I am throwing it open. If you have any ideas that are relevant in Nigeria, please put them down in the comment box and I will update the post by putting up a list of everyone’s ideas.

Let me get the ball rolling by putting up a few ideas of my own.

      1. Car pool. That way you save on cash spent on petrol. Also use the staff bus if that option is open to you.

      2. Draw up a budget every month and follow it. If you have a spreadsheet allocating money to specific expenses, it easier to see if there is an unnecessary cost or a cost that can be adjusted so that you can save money. I recently saved about N62, 000 after adjusting my daughter’s after school schedule. My spending is now more cost-effectively done since I started using a spreadsheet for budgeting.  

Over to you…

Loony Mother

I met this girl recently less than 5 minutes into striking up a conversation, she was planning on leaving her son in my house for the weekend.

I was astounded. She was so flippant the whole matter that she may well have been speaking of dropping off meat in my freezer. I had to ask her if she did not have any concerns as to her son’s safety and specifically mentioned sexual molestation. Her watery response was that her son is old enough to speak and as such is able to speak up if he does not feel comfortable going back to a place he had been before. Yeah, right! Someone has clearly never read or heard about the psychology pedophiles use on children.

As far as she was concerned, it was a no-brainer. She would bring her son to meet my daughter and when coming she would pack a weekend bag for him. If her son and my daughter got along, she would simply leave the weekend bag there and go back home without him. Oh, and she meant that weekend. It was a Friday when I was talking to her so that was the very next day or that night.

I still can’t believe that such a thing was possible in this day and age and she went on to tell me I had hang-ups because I was a single parent. I don suffer no be small. Apparently, she and her husband wanted some alone time and although she had a nanny, the best way was to get her son out of the house completely. That was when I understood that it was a 2 for 1 deal. Nanny comes with the son. Ostentatiously to help in taking care of her son. Reading between the lines, I figured that she had exhausted her normal “helpers”. Maybe they had stopped taking her calls.

After the 15 minutes we spent talking, I decided that:

1. I will never let her “visit” my home.
2. She was looking for a free babysitter to foist her son and nanny on.
3. My daughter would never spend even an hour in her house as chic had disturbing ideas about parenting -who knows what sort of dangers she would expose my daughter to? And I will never go too. It may be some disease you can catch.
4. Chic was plain loony! Who puts a kid out there like that? With strangers. It is crazy.
5. Her husband must be crazy too.

Or am I really the one that is being uptight?

Obama sleeps on a Mouka foam mattress

Did y'all see this Mouka foam advert of Obama? It was in the papers on the day of his Inauguration. The cut off part says Great Mattress, Great dreams.

Think he should sue or come and collect royalties due to him for this ad?

Almost forgot to add that there were some claims that he is actually from around Rivers State in Nigeria and not Kenya as is reported. Obama is a Niger Delta boy! Yep, the crazies have started coming out of the woodwork.

And, what was up with banks and other companies taking out full page ads in the dailies to congratulate him? I don't get Nigerians, children are starving, there is no power and in fact there is a recession going on and we are spending money on adverts directed to a man that will not get to see them. And in the off-chance that he ever will, will not give any contracts (yes, nothing goes for nothing in Nigeria).

Run Obama, Run!! Don't let the crazies get you! And congratulations (me sef go try, who knows? He might just give me a contract to change the carpet in the oval room, LOL!)

Random Thoughts: I dislike it when men...

I am sitting at the airport, waiting for the nasal lady to announce my flight (do they go to a special school to learn how speak in that unintelligible manner?) and of course surreptitiously taking in the arrival of other passengers.  I have a lot of people to look at (including a girl who is wearing sunglasses indoors plus knee high boots while others are melting – it is possible that her body is here but her mind or whatever regulates her temperature is in a sunny place where it is cold) and that has somehow inspired this post.

I dislike it when men:

• Have over-defined bodies and then wear really tight tops to show them off. Arggh! It seems that the favorite top for these body builders is the one in the photo above. Almost forgot this one...the guy that wears a net top. It is cut away such that there is 10% fabric and 90% body on display.
  
• I was going to say: wear colored shoes ( I can forgive red trainers) but some guy just passed by wearing a lime green t-shirt , a pair of jeans and lime green trainers. Not a bad look.
  
• Can cook. While they are great at whipping up a meal, they can also be great at criticizing whatever you put before them. “There is too much salt.” “Just a little bit of curry would have pepped this up.” “Are you sure you put in garlic?” “It tastes kind of bland.”  I am a good cook but like everyone else, I have my off days.  I like guys that wolf down whatever you put in front of them. It will be great to be with one that cooks and agrees to help out that way, the only condition being that he has to reserve his acerbic comments. I don’t want to know that the food is not to your liking.
• Have more cosmetics than I do. I was once amazed by a guy’s collection which included nail growth cream, hair mousse and hair gel. For the love of all things good! While I do not want a guy who is a slob, there are 2 major things wrong with these guys: They are too “aware” of themselves and anyone that they are with has to be on point constantly. Just like the cooks, they point out ashy elbows, overgrown cuticles and lightly chipped nail polish. I am generally well groomed and again, have off days when I do not need the pressure of a perfect looking boyfriend who wants me to match him. The second thing is that they look too "done". The not a hair out of place look is not natural. 
  
• Wear see-through outfits.  And go commando. Where do you want me to put my eyes? Abeg!  Or they wear head to toe white sheer linen and top it off with flaming red boxers or worse, boxers with cartoon characters drawn all over them. It is a violation of my personal space.
  
• Think that it is sexy to show their workman’s cleavage. Cringe worthy!
  

Enough for now. Would be interesting to hear what the men have to say about what women do.

I almost missed my flight today because I was typing this…..I had to run to catch the plane! The price one has to pay for being a gbegborun and not minding their own business.

Officially a Waffy Girl

I had to go to Warri for work a few days into the year. I had never been there before and got all sorts of warning and advice...yes o! Naija chic like myself. Naturally, a lot of them were just my friends jesting about the situation in Warri.

"Carry your Nigerian passport o!"

"Practice walking around with your hands in the air"

"Tan a little before you go".

With an earful, I boarded a plane headed to Warri. We were seated for more than 10 minutes but they still had not closed the door of the plane. We soon found out why...apparently someone's checked in baggage was leaking. They held up the small bag and there was liquid leaking out. Since they could not put it in the baggage hold like that, they needed the owner to come and check the bag. Dude got off the plane and opened the bag. It was 99% full of canned beer, one of the cans had been punctured and was leaking. Laughter rang out on the plane! Dude probably went for a party and carried awoof beer...I mean, as far as I know star beer is sold everywhere. The only reason one would want to transport it is because it was free.

The company I work for arranged for someone to meet me at the Osubi airstrip. As soon as I stepped into the arrivals "lounge", there were 2 guys to meet me. Great! They got my bags and we headed to the bus. That was when I officially started having doubts about my safety. I was the only passenger in the bus plus 2 uniformed & armed mobile police men. For what now? And on the trip into town, there was heavy army presence complete with barricades and sandbags. I had only ever seen sandbags on TV before. I have since learnt that the security threat has greatly reduced. The mobile police men that rode with me to work and back to my hotel were precautionary. They never really looked at me, apparently quite bored with these routine trips. After my initial surprise, I got used to having them there.

One last interesting thing about Warri: There are massive projectors? TVs? at Effurun roundabout and majority of the time, DSTV is on. I have seen it on at National Geographic, SuperSport3 and of course Africa Magic. Only time DSTV was not on, there was a documentary about the accomplishments of the state governor in the state. Not sure it has sound as the car windows never go down. One wonders how this helps the citizens of the state in terms of revenue generation.

When is it the right time?

A relative was being courted intensely by some dude. He wanted to marry her and all. In fact, I guess that as far as he was concerned it was a done deal. I am a little sketchy on the details about how they met but they certainly had not known each other for long.

Anyway, in the getting-to-know-each-other process, she mentioned that she had had a child about 4 years before that time. Said child was in Nigeria living with relatives while she was pursuing her education. Truth be told, she was so young when she had this child that said child was given to childless relatives to take care of. I am waiting on the end of that story but back to this one: His reaction? He dumped her. No more marriage. No more I love you.

Her grandmother claimed that she told him too soon. That she should have waited to get married to him before she broke the news to him. In other words, trap the fish and deal with the problems later on.

Y’all know I am a single mum. I am always upfront about that. Not ashamed of it. And although I have not dated a lot since my last relationship (does one date in 3.5 years count as “not dated a lot?” lol...), I mention my daughter almost immediately to anyone I am introduced to. I have been told to wait a few weeks, months, heck never mention it till he puts a ring on it.

Now I am curious, when is it the right time to say it? And why?

Farafina Reading

I went for the Farafina event on Saturday. Unfortunately, I was really late and left not long after as I had another appointment but I was able to catch the reading by both writers. I admit to not having read the book by Eghosa, TO SAINT PATRICK, but still enjoyed listening to him talk about it and how he had to set his PC to autosave every few minutes because he did not have a UPS and had previously lost some of his work to NEPA/PHCN. Kai, NEPA let someone say something positive about you one day!! I will buy the book as soon as I can head down to a bookshop.

I had read two of Nnedi Okoroafor-Mbachu's books and it was quite interesting to hear her speak on her particular genre: science fiction. I am of the opinion that there are not enough Nigerian children books available and was glad to find that a Nigerian author had written a sci-fi/fantasy book that is directed at children. Adults will love it too.

During the Q & A, Nnedi made a very interesting comment. Apparently, she was born in Cincinnati OH, and grew up in America but from the time she started writing, all her books were more or less Nigerian based. If you read the Zahrah series you will understand why I say more or less. I found something else she said interesting. " ...both my parents are Igbo, I am from Chicago... " LOL! I found that she even has a blog. Its right here. I read all her posts and found that she has a talented brother as well. You can view his website here. He draws, sings and more.

I applaud Farafina on their organization of such an event. I find that entertainment is hard to come by if you are not into pubbing/clubbing. This was a good way of relaxing and coming in contact with those whose words mean enough to us to cause us to spend time buying and reading their works.

Lastly, Bambuddha was a lovely venue. I have always liked them - You can have a lovely Sunday brunch there plus they have "mocktails" for people like me who do not like alcohol.

The one about Amala

I went to have lunch with three colleagues recently. We left the office (forfeiting our free but rarely tasty company lunch) and headed to a place that I can only afford when they just pay salaries. ( Abeg, I can’t be eating N1300 a plate rice with palm stew everyday- it will easily lead to my own personal financial recession).

While in the car, someone else suggested that we go and eat amala instead. Me, I was willing to roll in whatever direction and I told them so. That was how we went past our airconditioned eating place and headed for the amala joint. On getting there, I discovered that the place was part mechanic workshop and that the wooden shack that was in the middle of the compound was the eating joint. When we went in, the place was FULL. One of my colleagues literally had to stand around and wait until someone was done before he sat down. Another one copped a seat on a table next to ours. In fact, we later discovered that some people were eating outside with the sky for a roof. How is that for good business?

There were several workers (including several children aged from about 7-11 who busied themselves cleaning tables, fetching water and other junior < forgive the pun> staff duties) and in a few minutes our order was taken and steaming hot plates of dark amala placed in front of us. Next came the soup: I never slack- I always have gbegiri, ewedu and stew a.k.a Abula. The pepper was just right. The consistency of the gbegiri was not watery and not too thick. Then they brought a final plate: The meat. Different cuts of goat meat and innards lay waiting to be devoured. My colleague was so moved that he actually gave his heartfelt thanks to the girl that brought the plate of meat.

We washed our hands and faced our meals. All talking ceased as we spent the first few minutes doing justice to the meal. This meal was much better than the one that my work provided. I am the sort of person that likes to eat meat after my meal (yeah, my mother brainwashed me to within half an inch of my life). By the time I reached for my first piece of “ogufe” (goat meat) the plate was only half full - my colleagues having had a head start. The meat could not have been more perfect if someone had stuck a thermometer in it to gauge that it was rightly done.

Before I forget, we were not the only ones that wanted a go at the food. We also had our friendly neighborhood flies. There was an abundance of these. We were eating with one hand and swatting flies with the other. However, the presence of the flies seemed not to perturb anyone. Outside, one could easily see the women pounding and turning large amounts of amala. Their faces dripping with sweat which took off on a race from their faces to the valley between their breasts. Sometimes, due to the force of the pounding a few drops would fall into the mortar and quickly become one with the dark amala.
Extra flavouring.

When we were done eating, a girl came to calculate the bill. No fancy receipt, the girl just stood there down and in a sing song voice recited everything we had eaten: “Amala meta thirty, thirty nera pelu plate merin….” By the time she was done, our bill came to about N1,500 for all four of us. All I could think was: "with all that meat?" The last time we went to the other place for a quick lunch we paid about 6,000 for all of us.

Now questions arising:

At these prices, do they actually make a profit?
Are the other eateries overpriced? I recognise that the Amala place has far lower overhead costs.

My colleagues are serious ajebutters but did not seem to mind the squalid conditions at all. I lay no claim to being an Ajebutter but seeing one fly in my car is an issue but here I was playfully wrestling them for rights to my meal and I did not pull the customer is king, what the heck is a fly doing here? stunt. What makes one so tolerant of these places?

And yeah...the food was oh! so good!

The witches of Akwa-Ibom

My daughter woke up with a fever today. According to Helen Ukpabio, she must be a witch for daring to have a body temperature above the normal.

I have read and watched with horrific interest the stories concerning the child “witches” of Akwa Ibom. There is a small clip on the documentary that shows the movie that is believed to be the “whatdunnit” that started or at the very least catalysed these winshing of children. A lot of emphasis has been put on Helen Ukpabio and while I agree that it should be put on her, I have noticed that there has been no word from the actors, producers, directors of this dastardly production. They are almost as guilty as Helen Ukpabio ( I use almost because while they must have moved on to shooting movies with other subject matters, Helen Ukpabio has used the platform the movie has helped build to spread the “child witches” propaganda and thus is in my humble opinion more culpable than her accessories in this crime). I refuse to watch the movie so I do not know the make up of the cast, but I do know from the documentary that Teco Benson directed it. Has anyone heard a word from him? He probably sleeps soundly every night despite the fact that he has helped in spreading this evil. And I thought we had a National Film and Censors Board. They let this pass through the cracks? So many questions....

I have not seen a single actor/ actress/ producer/ director in End of the Witches stand up to denounce their part in the making of that movie that has changed the course of the lives of a lot of children. Has led to deaths, forceful imprisonment or even a life worse than death as in the case of the girl who had a 3 inch nail driven through her skull.

The noble thing to do in the face of all this would be to find a way to right the wrong. Do TV interviews that will reach the masses - the very people that watched the movies and felt that the message was clear: Children can be evil and spread this evil within the family and their communities. It is everyone’s duty to kill/get rid of them so as to stop this.

And the PFN guy in the documentary who sort of denounced the movie, has he done so in his own church or asked fellow pastors to do so? He is in a position of authority and can effect change by giving a sermon highlighting the fact that the treatment being meted out to these children is nothing short of evil. Has he? Has any pastor under the PFN? Or are they worried about what would happen to their incomes if they should make bold to denounce this evil and distance themselves from it? Whatever happened to that all popular tool of the churches: excommunication? They have not excommunicated Liberty Church or the other churches that have sprouted from them so they must accept that their teachings are okay.

And why is it that no local TV station has gone down there to carry the news? Admittedly, I watch very little TV- National and otherwise but if it had been investigated and aired, I would have at the very least heard about it. Rather, we wait for foreigners to come and do out work for us. Shame.

This really is the end of times.

The Newest Kid on the Block

In the last month, I have moved house, changed jobs and my daughter has changed school. For that reason, I deserve and award myself the newest kid on the block award.

In order to get my daughter to school and myself to work efficiently, I had to move to a new neighbourhood. This is a big deal for me, having lived in the same old place with my folks for 20-odd years. The faces are new. Although to be truthful there are no faces. Just the sound of a neighbour’s stand-by generator starting up once there is a power outage or the occasional sighting of the same car entering a compound twice in a row. That is the most interaction I have had with my neighbours and judging by the look of things, that is the most interaction there will be. Not that I mind. I am quite anti-social so it suits me just fine.

I had been at the same job for years and had always wanted to do something different. It is difficult to break into a totally different field after a certain amount of years in another especially when it is a technical field. Lord knows I tried for about 4 years. I even put in the time in getting qualified educationally. Finally, break-through. Plus it is in a totally awesome place and yes, more pay. I almost took a whole lot less money to do about the same work earlier this year. They did not give me the job because they felt I was overqualified judging by my current position and my educational background. I thank The Lord for it now although at the time, it all looked bleak.

Our first day at my daughter’s new school reminded me of all the movies I had seen about being the new kid in school. She is just a kid so she did not really notice. However, I stood awkwardly on the sidelines as parents ( especially mothers) screamed with joy as they spotted old friends. I knew only one parent from before and watched as she hugged and air-kissed several people. No matter, 2 days later a fellow newbie and I who have our children in the same class said hi. No air-kissing on both cheeks yet, but maybe soon. Lol!

Who else thinks I deserve the award?

7 things about me

It has been while since I was tagged by tobenna and aloted. So, I have decided to add one more and make it 7 things as opposed to 6. I am not tagging anyone because I think I am the last person in blogville to do this meme.

1. I have no attachment to anything. And by anything, I mean my worldly possessions. I may be inconvenienced by the loss of some things but that’s where it ends. Please note that my daughter is not on that list. (I had to add this for the people that may think to group her as a “thing”.)

2. I am really quiet and reserved. I do not enjoy arguing or even talking. That said, I think it is a never ending source of surprise to people how stubborn I am. I am quite opinionated and will thoroughly examine the arguments for and against, do some private research before I change my mind about anything.

3. I generally tune out when people continually start their every sentence with “My pastor said….” I mean think for yourself. This does not mean that you cannot say it once in a while. People impact on our lives all the time and we like to refer to the knowledge they provide. Another one I totally hate is when people constantly say: “may The Lord forgive me, but….” and then go on to say something nasty about another person. I do not like hypocrites. In fact, if I meet you and you even do it once, I write you off.

4. I cannot stand people stepping on my feet especially if they have shoes on. I cannot tell what they have stepped on. This may sound off the hook, but go to a busy market and see if you will not be stepped on at least once. When I go to the market, I spend half the time looking down and avoiding busy feet. Hold on, I don’t go to markets…finally, a reason why!

5. My phone and I do not always have the best of relationships. I do not like to have my phone ringing off the hook. I will be quite happy with myself and with the world if no-one called me in 3 days. (Unless of course it’s a significant other, then I expect and am happy to be called several times a day). Unfortunately, because I work for folks, I need to have my phone on all the time. I never switch it off but sometimes when it really gets to me, I just send all my calls to voicemail.

6. I don’t like to receive text messages whr d msgs r nt discrnbl. Whn I gt dem, I wnt 2 ask “Wht hppnd to long hand n wht hapnd 2 ur vwls?” I cn skip thse msgs nd nt rid dem 4 a month.

7. I like watching British Comedies. I thought THE OFFICE was a hoot. I would gladly sign a petition for more episodes. Rick Gervais had me in stitches!

And we are (almost) back

I did not abandon my blog. Some things happened that made it almost impossible to blog. Laptop went Kaput. (I am holding NEPA responsible for that one. Maybe I should get the House of Reps to probe them on my behalf. LOL!) and I was so busy at work I could not afford the time to blog at work.



And then a whole month later I got a new laptop, 4GB RAM...I am in speedy heaven, but my internet connection at home has been spotty ever since. I can't even read blogs unless I hook up with my phone. I can not begin to tell you about all the withdrawal symptoms I went through but I am glad its *almost* over.



Proper post later!

(And the reply I owe too)

I am going to do my rounds now.



Thank you all, for the mails and checking up on me.

Whatchamacallit

So I am a little pissy right now and that will reflect in my post.

Let’s start with your friendly neighborhood police. My friend’s car got snatched. A less than 6 month old 2008 Toyota Camry. When he reported at the police station in the vicinity they asked for a mobilization fee so that they could “buy fuel “to go to other police stations and inform them to look out for his car. He paid N25, 000 (approximately $215). This of course was apart from the other “fees” he had to pay. An example is when another friend’s car was stolen and he had to pay about N5, 000 to have his police report photocopied, and also paid the person that was going to make the copies an additional N500. It does not stop there. Yet another friend whose car was found by the police had to cough up N50, 000 to retrieve said car. And that was not even a new car. For new cars manufactured between 2007-2008, the police will tell you that “if we find this your car…..” as a hint to what your bill will be. So, you get robbed and when you report to the police, you get robbed again. As if the first robbery was not traumatic enough. Police na your friend. I couldn’t even make this stuff up if I tried.

I feel like screaming at the drivers in my office. They come to work in the morning, drop off their various employers and congregate in a common room where they watch DSTV until it is either time to run an errand or time to go home. At the end of the work day, they probably go home flop down on a sofa and declare how tired they are after a “hard” day at work while their wives that run around getting dinner together and the children settled down for the night. Tomorrow, same thing. 5 years later, they move from driver to Senior driver and life is okay. 25 years later, they retire as drivers that have a good knowledge of DSTV and their program schedules. I know I am just drinking someone else’s Panadol on this one. I just really feel like yanking them off those seats and getting them to do something with their lives. Self development, somebody!!!
I have a new colleague who shares my “office” space. He smokes and smells smoky all the time. My poor nose.

The BRT buses are running now and so far so good, the initiative seems to have taken some cars off the road. However, it would appear that the drivers of these buses are far from professionals and drive as roughly as Molue and Danfo drivers. I have seen with my own two eyes as they climb over those thingamabobs that are used to section the road on Western Avenue(I can’t remember the name- culvert?). On 2 different occasions they have also almost run me off the road. And today one was driving half on it's designated lane and half on the "civilian" lane. LAMATA, please o!! before there is a bad story to be told.

A blogger found out who I was and I felt violated. I am really a private person and I was just trying to do a good deed when I contacted him. I thought of quitting my blog. I feel better about it now although a mail I sent asking not to be “outed” has not been responded to.

Finally, some good news: Gbemi reached needy people in Rwanda and Nigeria. I also know for a fact that she has done more than she has written about. I am totally proud and in awe of her doggedness. Not everyone will put their money where their mouth is.

Who is 1st? Who is 2nd?

This post was inspired by this one.

When I was younger, my older cousin introduced me to a friend of hers. Let’s call the friend Patience. Patience had an interesting story. Apparently she was a second wife. I had never seen one of those up close (LOL!) and I was curious to know what would make someone who was such a knock-out become a 2nd wife.

Patience dated Ade (another pseudonym) for about 8 years. They started dating when they were in Uni and kept dating after they both left and started working. Naturally they started talking about getting married and that was when the problem started.

You see, Ade was from a noveau riche home and his family was a lot richer than Patience’s old money, aristocratic one. His mother was a dedicated social climber. The sort of woman who on meeting you would ask you who your parents were. She had grand dreams of marrying off her children to only those that were fantastically richer than they were. Think Christopher Getty and Pia Miller. Clearly, Patience did not cut it so Mother dearest refused to sanction the union. She did not just stop there, she started fixing Ade up with other more suitable brides.

Ade struggled against this and swore to stick by Patience. The struggle lasted about 3years and then Ade married one of the “suitable” brides and started a family with her. He did not however stop dating Patience and he ensured that everyone (including his new wife) knew this.

3 years after that wedding, his mother died. Less than 2 months later, Ade married Patience and started a family with her as well. He did not get a divorce from his other wife. I do not know what the state of that marriage was, but at the time of this story, he had gotten a house with Patience and was living there with her and going to his other house from time to time.

In this case, who really is the first wife and who is the second? Was Patience wrong for marrying a married man? Are there really only black and white areas to this story? No grays?

Where are they now?

Having gone to uni at Lagos State University, I have had more than my fair share of run-in with cult boys. In one case, I was threatened directly with a burning ( he said he would burn my face with his cigarette and went on to try an "obtain" from me for at least 6 months after that).

Other times during class hours, I would hear the loud report of gun shots and take my position under the closest table. An occurence at night? Well that's a long story. Let me share one of many stories:

There was a time when I was reading in school overnight and there was a show ( Miss LASU) going on in school. I only heard (not saw) someone run to the hall and shout “Get out! Get out!" before the entire class emptied out. A classmate who had spent all night sleeping was the first out of the hall. LOL!

I almost fell on my way out but saw a flash of yellow as someone wearing that color shirt helped me up. I did not even look round to say thank you, so intent was I on reaching the exit. I still do not know who it was till today.

Lagos State University had no hostels /dormitories (I don't know if that has changed now) so we ran to the staff quarters. Luckily my friends and I knew a boy who lived in the BQ of the staff quarters so we all crammed into his tiny room - quietly sitting wherever we could, hugging our knees. This was at about 2 a.m. For hours after, the normal night silence was punctuated with the loud tut-tut of gun shots, For about an hour after we got in, people would come up to the door and knock but no-one opened the door. It was either you they were actually people in need or people that wanted to bring the "party" to our hide-out. There was no way of knowing so we played it safe. I still pray that we did not unknowingly leave out anyone that actually needed help.

By about 5a.m, the gun shots finally stopped. We did not leave the room until we saw people walking around. By this time, the damage that had been done was unspeakable, a few people lay around, dead. There was a boy’s body in a ditch near the Engineering department where I was to write a test at 7a.m that morning. Naturally the test was cancelled. Heck, the school was shut down. We also learned that a lot of girls were raped that night while trying to flee from the show venue where it all started.

Apart from the odd sightings of former cult boys running along side some politician’s car (In the capacity of official security detail), I wondered whether they ever amounted to much.

The other day while talking to a few colleagues, the conversation turned to cultism. There were a few boys in the group and one mentioned something that sounded a bit too knowledgeable. We all turned to him as one. After a few minutes he admitted that he used to be a member of a cult and told us that he was left with no choice…it was either that or die. Well, he chose not to die. If he ever killed anyone, I don’t know but for the 4 years I have known him, I would have described him to anyone as a very pleasant and unassuming guy. We even call him guy smiley at work to show you just how pleasant he is. So yep, they live and work amongst us. Hmmm.

London Buki

I was going to post something today but then I learnt of the passing of our own London Buki's mum and suddenly my post seems hollow and full of platitudes.

I dedicate the day to her and her mum.