In my head & around me

Where I have been

2009-07-27T15:26:00.005+01:00

Very busy with work and life (especially work, lol!)...

I decided to take a look at my life and prune away unneccessary things. I re-evaluated my life over the last few years and had to decide on what was important and needed improving on and what was just dragging me down. This became especially clear to me when Michael Jackson (I love you more!) passed on. It was again brought home to me the fact that every day we live equals to a day less here on earth.

Also, I have been flying a bit and there is nothing like experiencing extremely bad turbulence with "in the name of Jesus!!" screaming Nigerians to have your life flash you by.

So I have effected a few changes. I have always known that what is unnecessary is disturbing so bye-bye to:

Reading theybf and other gossip sites. I do not need to know every last thing that Beyonce or Kanye have been up to. Instead, I filtered what I was really looking for: pictures on their fashion and found another blog that focuses on that without all the unnecessary gist.

I have to mention the fact that theybf had very damaging stories on Michael Jackson. Including how he was strange and had all that surgery and was trying to be white. Okay, and so? It is not my business. I have my own issues and reading someone else's does not help me in anyway unless it is constructive in the sense that I am drawing lessons from another's experiences that will positively impact my life. In a way I feel that even reading those things about him added to his unhappiness. A burden that I no longer want to bear.

I need to add that this is not a personal attack against theybf. She tells a good story and is highlighted here because she was the only site of its kind I used to read (I am usually visually stimulated and she has loads of pictures to go with each story).

I am reading books that open up my mind. Not just reading for reading sake. My time here has to count. And how can it count if I am reading rubbish?

I still need to struggle with what I watch as I put away a lot of movies and series. Couldn't I be spending that time better.

Spending quality time with my daughter. Doing more things that will benefit her.

So there you have it. What have you been up to?

Heartbreak Hotel

2009-05-07T13:42:00.000+01:00

I was watching this video yesterday and laughing.

Laughing at myself and how torn up I was listening to this song a few years ago. Kai! I had memorized the lyrics and could even tell you at what facial expressions followed the words in the video. That song resonated with me, I tell you! An anthem for broken hearts!

At the time, my then boyfriend and I had agreed to part ways amicably partly because he was relocating and we both agreed that there was no way we could sustain a long distance relationship. The agreement was that we would wait until he had left before we moved on to any new relationships. I kept my end of the deal. He went and started an emotional relationship with someone else and that was when the heartbreak set in. Yeah, nothing happened with her (he said, she also said) but I lost weight on top of the matter and was so despondent half the time, I don’t know how I managed to exist. I actually used to feel pressure in my chest, like my heart had broken and the pieces were heavier apart than they had been together.

Now, if you are reading this, permit me to give you a word of advice. Stop fixating, stop worrying. Believe me, it will all pass. The time that you spend wailing, worrying and generally feeling sad will never come back to you to use in some way that is more beneficial so SNAP out of it and get on with the incredible and beautiful business of living. Trust me when I say that you will look back and wonder what the heck was wrong with you. Also, don’t listen to songs like this when you are feeling down in the dumps. You will only sink lower. It is a great song, but listen to it when you can handle it.

To digress a bit: I am not just addressing people that are getting out of relationships. Hopefully even those that are in relationships that are less than adequate will realize that the time is NOW to take a stand as to whether you want to continue in that marriage or that friendship or that relationship or not.

Love yourself and others will love you.

And please change your playlists to songs like the one below that affirm the wonderful person you are!

BTW: My ex-boyfriend apologized several times and we have remained such good friends (more than 8 years down the line) that it is hard to believe that we went through a phase where the very sight of him pleased me as much as it hurt me.

Man!

2009-04-22T13:56:00.004+01:00

If you have ever had the indignity of being approached by men who think that they are all that and a bag of chips, then this audio clip must resonate with you.

A few months ago, a married man approached me and offered me a car, driver and a house. Although I told him that I had the first two and was not homeless, he went on. He was going to rent the latter and according to him buy one for me if he was happy with the relationship. He also told me that on no uncertain terms was I allowed to date anyone else while we were involved. If I were to attempt to do so, he would know and that the punishment would be severe.

This clown also told me that he knew that since I was a single mother (he had to go there), I would need someone to take care of my child for me. He was going to act as a father figure to my child (make decisions for her and about her welfare) and all that he asked was that I treat him well and meet his demands. I was also exhorted to always remember that he was a very demanding fellow who needed me to ask "how high?" whenever he asked me to jump. True talk, he said that. Not in the same way or with the same words but it was the same message.

Did I mention that I had only just met this man, as in he spoke to me the day before and on the day he was reading me the riot act, it was day 2? He was also what my friend likes to call "grammatically dysfunctional." On top of that he had been sent abroad by his company to work for a year and had an affected accent plus a very thick Nigerian accent. It was painful to hear him speak.

Wondering why I even let him talk so much? My company liaises with his and I wanted to handle the matter in as undisruptive a manner as possible. Also, I was curious to know what he had to say especially as I recognized him for what he was: village boy who was lucky to get a good job that paid some money but not so much that he could be mouthing off like that.

When I told him my emphatic NO! he said he would give me some time to think about it as he felt that maybe there was something holding me back which I had declined to share with him. As far as he was concerned, he was offering a great deal and he may well be my last bus stop.

I could not take a day 3 of that ignoramus taking up my valuable time.

Frugal is the word!

2009-04-07T09:24:00.002+01:00

This is a continuation from my last post. I am disabling comments because this is just supposed to be a list. If you want to add any thing to the list, please do so by commenting on the mail below.

Thanks to: Gee, Joicee, Moworld, Aloted, AfroBeat, Writefreak, Bloggarati (the name of the post came from him), Original Mgbeke and Tisha, for helping me build up the list!

General

Cut down on any unnecessary expense. A great way of doing this is tracking your spending. You buy anything, you note it down in a journal.

You don't need to buy the kids the latest toys. Gather all their toys in a big basket and bring out different ones each month. They would think it's brand new!

No more Mr. Nice Guy! Ok, I know there are some relatives that really need financial assistance but there are always some Oliver Twists in their midst. Anytime they show up, complain about UR financial woes. They won't bother u again.

Eating out/ Going out

Stop shopping on impulse for Clothin and shoes that are not NEEDED.

Cut down on excessive expenditure on perishable goods. Instead of buying lots of fruits and veg and end up throwing them away, buy just enough that you need.

Cut back on eating out, and you know Naijas love to eat out especially Naija people in Naija. As opposed to going to Mr. Biggs, Tantalizers, Happy Bite and whatever fast food is the new thing, pack your own lunch. I have saved so much money from not eating out 'cos that's how it adds up. Now I cook for the week in advance and pack it to work every day.

For people who go to clubs, they can cut down on it. Do you know how much a drink costs in those places?

Eat more home cooked food and spend less on buying food out of the house.

If you're constantly going to the movies, Silverbird them...how about doing a movie day with the girls at your house.

Smart saving:

Live below your means: If you cannot save/invest at least 10% of your income you are living above your means. To live below your means you should save/invest about 20% of your monthly income, every other expenditure should be cut off or suspended.

Take a Health insurance and a life Insurance: This eliminates 2 major financial risks you and your dependents may face.

Invest in Real Estate using Investment Clubs: With the proposed decline in real estate, small investments in different real estate ventures, with minimal debt would be preferable to large investments. This form of investment is usually available using an Investment Club.

Fashion and Beauty

Buy a home manicure kit and do your own nails. I pluck my own eyebrows so that saves me $7 every 2 weeks or so that I would spend in waxing.

Cut back on impulse and unneccesary purchases i.e clothes, travel, weddings.

No more buying of aso-ebi. Ask for color code and check your wardrobe. It’s bound to be there (and if not, wear something similar, it's your presence that counts!)

If you no fit afford aso ebi let the bride know, cos for these parts some people charge some ridiculous amount for asoebi and bridal train dresses

Surviving the recession

2009-03-17T18:49:00.005+01:00

I have had a lot on my mind recently (yeah, what else is new). The thing that most occupies my mind is this global recession and how it affects me. I have tried to talk about it with some of my friends but find that a lot of people are not even sure that we are in a recession and a few others that do know think that they can keep living their lives normally until economic forces force them to adjust (pardon the pun). I find that the typical Nigerian behavior is reactive rather than proactive and what this means is that we wait until a simple challenge has turned into a complex labyrinth before we start working our way out of it. I am guilty of this too. After all, I am Nigerian.

However, I have decided that on this particular issue I have no choice but to be as proactive as possible. I am no expert but the way I see it, there are 2 things I can do.

1. Cut back on all unnecessary expenses. Frugality has to be the watchword.

2. Find a source of income other than my salary. (I used to have one but kind of abandoned it when I changed jobs).

I have even started reading some frugality blogs in the hope that I can learn a few things. Most of the tips don’t apply to us here in Nigeria. [However, this may interest owners of gold jewelry]. I did manage to find some tips here but some of them are much too extreme for my taste. This is the list I really like.

So I am throwing it open. If you have any ideas that are relevant in Nigeria, please put them down in the comment box and I will update the post by putting up a list of everyone’s ideas.

Let me get the ball rolling by putting up a few ideas of my own.

1. Car pool. That way you save on cash spent on petrol. Also use the staff bus if that option is open to you.

2. Draw up a budget every month and follow it. If you have a spreadsheet allocating money to specific expenses, it easier to see if there is an unnecessary cost or a cost that can be adjusted so that you can save money. I recently saved about N62, 000 after adjusting my daughter’s after school schedule. My spending is now more cost-effectively done since I started using a spreadsheet for budgeting.

Over to you…

Loony Mother

2009-02-25T19:16:00.005+01:00

I met this girl recently less than 5 minutes into striking up a conversation, she was planning on leaving her son in my house for the weekend.

I was astounded. She was so flippant the whole matter that she may well have been speaking of dropping off meat in my freezer. I had to ask her if she did not have any concerns as to her son’s safety and specifically mentioned sexual molestation. Her watery response was that her son is old enough to speak and as such is able to speak up if he does not feel comfortable going back to a place he had been before. Yeah, right! Someone has clearly never read or heard about the psychology pedophiles use on children.

As far as she was concerned, it was a no-brainer. She would bring her son to meet my daughter and when coming she would pack a weekend bag for him. If her son and my daughter got along, she would simply leave the weekend bag there and go back home without him. Oh, and she meant that weekend. It was a Friday when I was talking to her so that was the very next day or that night.

I still can’t believe that such a thing was possible in this day and age and she went on to tell me I had hang-ups because I was a single parent. I don suffer no be small. Apparently, she and her husband wanted some alone time and although she had a nanny, the best way was to get her son out of the house completely. That was when I understood that it was a 2 for 1 deal. Nanny comes with the son. Ostentatiously to help in taking care of her son. Reading between the lines, I figured that she had exhausted her normal “helpers”. Maybe they had stopped taking her calls.

After the 15 minutes we spent talking, I decided that:

1. I will never let her “visit” my home.
2. She was looking for a free babysitter to foist her son and nanny on.
3. My daughter would never spend even an hour in her house as chic had disturbing ideas about parenting -who knows what sort of dangers she would expose my daughter to? And I will never go too. It may be some disease you can catch.
4. Chic was plain loony! Who puts a kid out there like that? With strangers. It is crazy.
5. Her husband must be crazy too.

Or am I really the one that is being uptight?

Obama sleeps on a Mouka foam mattress

2009-01-30T11:29:00.006+01:00

Did y'all see this Mouka foam advert of Obama? It was in the papers on the day of his Inauguration. The cut off part says Great Mattress, Great dreams.

Think he should sue or come and collect royalties due to him for this ad?

Almost forgot to add that there were some claims that he is actually from around Rivers State in Nigeria and not Kenya as is reported. Obama is a Niger Delta boy! Yep, the crazies have started coming out of the woodwork.

And, what was up with banks and other companies taking out full page ads in the dailies to congratulate him? I don't get Nigerians, children are starving, there is no power and in fact there is a recession going on and we are spending money on adverts directed to a man that will not get to see them. And in the off-chance that he ever will, will not give any contracts (yes, nothing goes for nothing in Nigeria).

Run Obama, Run!! Don't let the crazies get you! And congratulations (me sef go try, who knows? He might just give me a contract to change the carpet in the oval room, LOL!)

Random Thoughts: I dislike it when men...

2009-01-17T14:09:00.003+01:00

I am sitting at the airport, waiting for the nasal lady to announce my flight (do they go to a special school to learn how speak in that unintelligible manner?) and of course surreptitiously taking in the arrival of other passengers. I have a lot of people to look at (including a girl who is wearing sunglasses indoors plus knee high boots while others are melting – it is possible that her body is here but her mind or whatever regulates her temperature is in a sunny place where it is cold) and that has somehow inspired this post.

I dislike it when men:

Have over-defined bodies and then wear really tight tops to show them off. Arggh! It seems that the favorite top for these body builders is the one in the photo above. Almost forgot this one...the guy that wears a net top. It is cut away such that there is 10% fabric and 90% body on display.
I was going to say: wear colored shoes ( I can forgive red trainers) but some guy just passed by wearing a lime green t-shirt , a pair of jeans and lime green trainers. Not a bad look.
Can cook. While they are great at whipping up a meal, they can also be great at criticizing whatever you put before them. “There is too much salt.” “Just a little bit of curry would have pepped this up.” “Are you sure you put in garlic?” “It tastes kind of bland.” I am a good cook but like everyone else, I have my off days. I like guys that wolf down whatever you put in front of them. It will be great to be with one that cooks and agrees to help out that way, the only condition being that he has to reserve his acerbic comments. I don’t want to know that the food is not to your liking.
Have more cosmetics than I do. I was once amazed by a guy’s collection which included nail growth cream, hair mousse and hair gel. For the love of all things good! While I do not want a guy who is a slob, there are 2 major things wrong with these guys: They are too “aware” of themselves and anyone that they are with has to be on point constantly. Just like the cooks, they point out ashy elbows, overgrown cuticles and lightly chipped nail polish. I am generally well groomed and again, have off days when I do not need the pressure of a perfect looking boyfriend who wants me to match him. The second thing is that they look too "done". The not a hair out of place look is not natural.
Wear see-through outfits. And go commando. Where do you want me to put my eyes? Abeg! Or they wear head to toe white sheer linen and top it off with flaming red boxers or worse, boxers with cartoon characters drawn all over them. It is a violation of my personal space.
Think that it is sexy to show their workman’s cleavage. Cringe worthy!

Enough for now. Would be interesting to hear what the men have to say about what women do.

I almost missed my flight today because I was typing this…..I had to run to catch the plane! The price one has to pay for being a gbegborun and not minding their own business.

Officially a Waffy Girl

2009-01-09T22:00:00.000+01:00

I had to go to Warri for work a few days into the year. I had never been there before and got all sorts of warning and advice...yes o! Naija chic like myself. Naturally, a lot of them were just my friends jesting about the situation in Warri.

"Carry your Nigerian passport o!"

"Practice walking around with your hands in the air"

"Tan a little before you go".

With an earful, I boarded a plane headed to Warri. We were seated for more than 10 minutes but they still had not closed the door of the plane. We soon found out why...apparently someone's checked in baggage was leaking. They held up the small bag and there was liquid leaking out. Since they could not put it in the baggage hold like that, they needed the owner to come and check the bag. Dude got off the plane and opened the bag. It was 99% full of canned beer, one of the cans had been punctured and was leaking. Laughter rang out on the plane! Dude probably went for a party and carried awoof beer...I mean, as far as I know star beer is sold everywhere. The only reason one would want to transport it is because it was free.

The company I work for arranged for someone to meet me at the Osubi airstrip. As soon as I stepped into the arrivals "lounge", there were 2 guys to meet me. Great! They got my bags and we headed to the bus. That was when I officially started having doubts about my safety. I was the only passenger in the bus plus 2 uniformed & armed mobile police men. For what now? And on the trip into town, there was heavy army presence complete with barricades and sandbags. I had only ever seen sandbags on TV before. I have since learnt that the security threat has greatly reduced. The mobile police men that rode with me to work and back to my hotel were precautionary. They never really looked at me, apparently quite bored with these routine trips. After my initial surprise, I got used to having them there.

One last interesting thing about Warri: There are massive projectors? TVs? at Effurun roundabout and majority of the time, DSTV is on. I have seen it on at National Geographic, SuperSport3 and of course Africa Magic. Only time DSTV was not on, there was a documentary about the accomplishments of the state governor in the state. Not sure it has sound as the car windows never go down. One wonders how this helps the citizens of the state in terms of revenue generation.

When is it the right time?

2008-12-19T13:49:00.002+01:00

A relative was being courted intensely by some dude. He wanted to marry her and all. In fact, I guess that as far as he was concerned it was a done deal. I am a little sketchy on the details about how they met but they certainly had not known each other for long.

Anyway, in the getting-to-know-each-other process, she mentioned that she had had a child about 4 years before that time. Said child was in Nigeria living with relatives while she was pursuing her education. Truth be told, she was so young when she had this child that said child was given to childless relatives to take care of. I am waiting on the end of that story but back to this one: His reaction? He dumped her. No more marriage. No more I love you.

Her grandmother claimed that she told him too soon. That she should have waited to get married to him before she broke the news to him. In other words, trap the fish and deal with the problems later on.

Y’all know I am a single mum. I am always upfront about that. Not ashamed of it. And although I have not dated a lot since my last relationship (does one date in 3.5 years count as “not dated a lot?” lol...), I mention my daughter almost immediately to anyone I am introduced to. I have been told to wait a few weeks, months, heck never mention it till he puts a ring on it.

Now I am curious, when is it the right time to say it? And why?

Farafina Reading

2008-12-16T14:14:00.001+01:00

I went for the Farafina event on Saturday. Unfortunately, I was really late and left not long after as I had another appointment but I was able to catch the reading by both writers. I admit to not having read the book by Eghosa, TO SAINT PATRICK, but still enjoyed listening to him talk about it and how he had to set his PC to autosave every few minutes because he did not have a UPS and had previously lost some of his work to NEPA/PHCN. Kai, NEPA let someone say something positive about you one day!! I will buy the book as soon as I can head down to a bookshop.

I had read two of Nnedi Okoroafor-Mbachu's books and it was quite interesting to hear her speak on her particular genre: science fiction. I am of the opinion that there are not enough Nigerian children books available and was glad to find that a Nigerian author had written a sci-fi/fantasy book that is directed at children. Adults will love it too.

During the Q & A, Nnedi made a very interesting comment. Apparently, she was born in Cincinnati OH, and grew up in America but from the time she started writing, all her books were more or less Nigerian based. If you read the Zahrah series you will understand why I say more or less. I found something else she said interesting. " ...both my parents are Igbo, I am from Chicago... " LOL! I found that she even has a blog. Its right here. I read all her posts and found that she has a talented brother as well. You can view his website here. He draws, sings and more.

I applaud Farafina on their organization of such an event. I find that entertainment is hard to come by if you are not into pubbing/clubbing. This was a good way of relaxing and coming in contact with those whose words mean enough to us to cause us to spend time buying and reading their works.

Lastly, Bambuddha was a lovely venue. I have always liked them - You can have a lovely Sunday brunch there plus they have "mocktails" for people like me who do not like alcohol.

The one about Amala

2008-12-04T15:27:00.005+01:00

I went to have lunch with three colleagues recently. We left the office (forfeiting our free but rarely tasty company lunch) and headed to a place that I can only afford when they just pay salaries. ( Abeg, I can’t be eating N1300 a plate rice with palm stew everyday- it will easily lead to my own personal financial recession).

While in the car, someone else suggested that we go and eat amala instead. Me, I was willing to roll in whatever direction and I told them so. That was how we went past our airconditioned eating place and headed for the amala joint. On getting there, I discovered that the place was part mechanic workshop and that the wooden shack that was in the middle of the compound was the eating joint. When we went in, the place was FULL. One of my colleagues literally had to stand around and wait until someone was done before he sat down. Another one copped a seat on a table next to ours. In fact, we later discovered that some people were eating outside with the sky for a roof. How is that for good business?

There were several workers (including several children aged from about 7-11 who busied themselves cleaning tables, fetching water and other junior < forgive the pun> staff duties) and in a few minutes our order was taken and steaming hot plates of dark amala placed in front of us. Next came the soup: I never slack- I always have gbegiri, ewedu and stew a.k.a Abula. The pepper was just right. The consistency of the gbegiri was not watery and not too thick. Then they brought a final plate: The meat. Different cuts of goat meat and innards lay waiting to be devoured. My colleague was so moved that he actually gave his heartfelt thanks to the girl that brought the plate of meat.

We washed our hands and faced our meals. All talking ceased as we spent the first few minutes doing justice to the meal. This meal was much better than the one that my work provided. I am the sort of person that likes to eat meat after my meal (yeah, my mother brainwashed me to within half an inch of my life). By the time I reached for my first piece of “ogufe” (goat meat) the plate was only half full - my colleagues having had a head start. The meat could not have been more perfect if someone had stuck a thermometer in it to gauge that it was rightly done.

Before I forget, we were not the only ones that wanted a go at the food. We also had our friendly neighborhood flies. There was an abundance of these. We were eating with one hand and swatting flies with the other. However, the presence of the flies seemed not to perturb anyone. Outside, one could easily see the women pounding and turning large amounts of amala. Their faces dripping with sweat which took off on a race from their faces to the valley between their breasts. Sometimes, due to the force of the pounding a few drops would fall into the mortar and quickly become one with the dark amala.
Extra flavouring.

When we were done eating, a girl came to calculate the bill. No fancy receipt, the girl just stood there down and in a sing song voice recited everything we had eaten: “Amala meta thirty, thirty nera pelu plate merin….” By the time she was done, our bill came to about N1,500 for all four of us. All I could think was: "with all that meat?" The last time we went to the other place for a quick lunch we paid about 6,000 for all of us.

Now questions arising:

At these prices, do they actually make a profit?
Are the other eateries overpriced? I recognise that the Amala place has far lower overhead costs.

My colleagues are serious ajebutters but did not seem to mind the squalid conditions at all. I lay no claim to being an Ajebutter but seeing one fly in my car is an issue but here I was playfully wrestling them for rights to my meal and I did not pull the customer is king, what the heck is a fly doing here? stunt. What makes one so tolerant of these places?

And yeah...the food was oh! so good!

The witches of Akwa-Ibom

2008-11-24T13:40:00.003+01:00

My daughter woke up with a fever today. According to Helen Ukpabio, she must be a witch for daring to have a body temperature above the normal.

I have read and watched with horrific interest the stories concerning the child “witches” of Akwa Ibom. There is a small clip on the documentary that shows the movie that is believed to be the “whatdunnit” that started or at the very least catalysed these winshing of children. A lot of emphasis has been put on Helen Ukpabio and while I agree that it should be put on her, I have noticed that there has been no word from the actors, producers, directors of this dastardly production. They are almost as guilty as Helen Ukpabio ( I use almost because while they must have moved on to shooting movies with other subject matters, Helen Ukpabio has used the platform the movie has helped build to spread the “child witches” propaganda and thus is in my humble opinion more culpable than her accessories in this crime). I refuse to watch the movie so I do not know the make up of the cast, but I do know from the documentary that Teco Benson directed it. Has anyone heard a word from him? He probably sleeps soundly every night despite the fact that he has helped in spreading this evil. And I thought we had a National Film and Censors Board. They let this pass through the cracks? So many questions....

I have not seen a single actor/ actress/ producer/ director in End of the Witches stand up to denounce their part in the making of that movie that has changed the course of the lives of a lot of children. Has led to deaths, forceful imprisonment or even a life worse than death as in the case of the girl who had a 3 inch nail driven through her skull.

The noble thing to do in the face of all this would be to find a way to right the wrong. Do TV interviews that will reach the masses - the very people that watched the movies and felt that the message was clear: Children can be evil and spread this evil within the family and their communities. It is everyone’s duty to kill/get rid of them so as to stop this.

And the PFN guy in the documentary who sort of denounced the movie, has he done so in his own church or asked fellow pastors to do so? He is in a position of authority and can effect change by giving a sermon highlighting the fact that the treatment being meted out to these children is nothing short of evil. Has he? Has any pastor under the PFN? Or are they worried about what would happen to their incomes if they should make bold to denounce this evil and distance themselves from it? Whatever happened to that all popular tool of the churches: excommunication? They have not excommunicated Liberty Church or the other churches that have sprouted from them so they must accept that their teachings are okay.

And why is it that no local TV station has gone down there to carry the news? Admittedly, I watch very little TV- National and otherwise but if it had been investigated and aired, I would have at the very least heard about it. Rather, we wait for foreigners to come and do out work for us. Shame.

This really is the end of times.

The Newest Kid on the Block

2008-09-08T12:20:00.002+01:00

In the last month, I have moved house, changed jobs and my daughter has changed school. For that reason, I deserve and award myself the newest kid on the block award.

In order to get my daughter to school and myself to work efficiently, I had to move to a new neighbourhood. This is a big deal for me, having lived in the same old place with my folks for 20-odd years. The faces are new. Although to be truthful there are no faces. Just the sound of a neighbour’s stand-by generator starting up once there is a power outage or the occasional sighting of the same car entering a compound twice in a row. That is the most interaction I have had with my neighbours and judging by the look of things, that is the most interaction there will be. Not that I mind. I am quite anti-social so it suits me just fine.

I had been at the same job for years and had always wanted to do something different. It is difficult to break into a totally different field after a certain amount of years in another especially when it is a technical field. Lord knows I tried for about 4 years. I even put in the time in getting qualified educationally. Finally, break-through. Plus it is in a totally awesome place and yes, more pay. I almost took a whole lot less money to do about the same work earlier this year. They did not give me the job because they felt I was overqualified judging by my current position and my educational background. I thank The Lord for it now although at the time, it all looked bleak.

Our first day at my daughter’s new school reminded me of all the movies I had seen about being the new kid in school. She is just a kid so she did not really notice. However, I stood awkwardly on the sidelines as parents ( especially mothers) screamed with joy as they spotted old friends. I knew only one parent from before and watched as she hugged and air-kissed several people. No matter, 2 days later a fellow newbie and I who have our children in the same class said hi. No air-kissing on both cheeks yet, but maybe soon. Lol!

Who else thinks I deserve the award?

7 things about me

2008-08-21T18:14:00.003+01:00

It has been while since I was tagged by tobenna and aloted. So, I have decided to add one more and make it 7 things as opposed to 6. I am not tagging anyone because I think I am the last person in blogville to do this meme.

1. I have no attachment to anything. And by anything, I mean my worldly possessions. I may be inconvenienced by the loss of some things but that’s where it ends. Please note that my daughter is not on that list. (I had to add this for the people that may think to group her as a “thing”.)

2. I am really quiet and reserved. I do not enjoy arguing or even talking. That said, I think it is a never ending source of surprise to people how stubborn I am. I am quite opinionated and will thoroughly examine the arguments for and against, do some private research before I change my mind about anything.

3. I generally tune out when people continually start their every sentence with “My pastor said….” I mean think for yourself. This does not mean that you cannot say it once in a while. People impact on our lives all the time and we like to refer to the knowledge they provide. Another one I totally hate is when people constantly say: “may The Lord forgive me, but….” and then go on to say something nasty about another person. I do not like hypocrites. In fact, if I meet you and you even do it once, I write you off.

4. I cannot stand people stepping on my feet especially if they have shoes on. I cannot tell what they have stepped on. This may sound off the hook, but go to a busy market and see if you will not be stepped on at least once. When I go to the market, I spend half the time looking down and avoiding busy feet. Hold on, I don’t go to markets…finally, a reason why!

5. My phone and I do not always have the best of relationships. I do not like to have my phone ringing off the hook. I will be quite happy with myself and with the world if no-one called me in 3 days. (Unless of course it’s a significant other, then I expect and am happy to be called several times a day). Unfortunately, because I work for folks, I need to have my phone on all the time. I never switch it off but sometimes when it really gets to me, I just send all my calls to voicemail.

6. I don’t like to receive text messages whr d msgs r nt discrnbl. Whn I gt dem, I wnt 2 ask “Wht hppnd to long hand n wht hapnd 2 ur vwls?” I cn skip thse msgs nd nt rid dem 4 a month.

7. I like watching British Comedies. I thought THE OFFICE was a hoot. I would gladly sign a petition for more episodes. Rick Gervais had me in stitches!

And we are (almost) back

2008-07-29T22:48:00.002+01:00

I did not abandon my blog. Some things happened that made it almost impossible to blog. Laptop went Kaput. (I am holding NEPA responsible for that one. Maybe I should get the House of Reps to probe them on my behalf. LOL!) and I was so busy at work I could not afford the time to blog at work.

And then a whole month later I got a new laptop, 4GB RAM...I am in speedy heaven, but my internet connection at home has been spotty ever since. I can't even read blogs unless I hook up with my phone. I can not begin to tell you about all the withdrawal symptoms I went through but I am glad its *almost* over.

Proper post later!

(And the reply I owe too)

I am going to do my rounds now.

Thank you all, for the mails and checking up on me.

Whatchamacallit

2008-05-13T19:44:00.004+01:00

So I am a little pissy right now and that will reflect in my post.

Let’s start with your friendly neighborhood police. My friend’s car got snatched. A less than 6 month old 2008 Toyota Camry. When he reported at the police station in the vicinity they asked for a mobilization fee so that they could “buy fuel “to go to other police stations and inform them to look out for his car. He paid N25, 000 (approximately $215). This of course was apart from the other “fees” he had to pay. An example is when another friend’s car was stolen and he had to pay about N5, 000 to have his police report photocopied, and also paid the person that was going to make the copies an additional N500. It does not stop there. Yet another friend whose car was found by the police had to cough up N50, 000 to retrieve said car. And that was not even a new car. For new cars manufactured between 2007-2008, the police will tell you that “if we find this your car…..” as a hint to what your bill will be. So, you get robbed and when you report to the police, you get robbed again. As if the first robbery was not traumatic enough. Police na your friend. I couldn’t even make this stuff up if I tried.

I feel like screaming at the drivers in my office. They come to work in the morning, drop off their various employers and congregate in a common room where they watch DSTV until it is either time to run an errand or time to go home. At the end of the work day, they probably go home flop down on a sofa and declare how tired they are after a “hard” day at work while their wives that run around getting dinner together and the children settled down for the night. Tomorrow, same thing. 5 years later, they move from driver to Senior driver and life is okay. 25 years later, they retire as drivers that have a good knowledge of DSTV and their program schedules. I know I am just drinking someone else’s Panadol on this one. I just really feel like yanking them off those seats and getting them to do something with their lives. Self development, somebody!!!
I have a new colleague who shares my “office” space. He smokes and smells smoky all the time. My poor nose.

The BRT buses are running now and so far so good, the initiative seems to have taken some cars off the road. However, it would appear that the drivers of these buses are far from professionals and drive as roughly as Molue and Danfo drivers. I have seen with my own two eyes as they climb over those thingamabobs that are used to section the road on Western Avenue(I can’t remember the name- culvert?). On 2 different occasions they have also almost run me off the road. And today one was driving half on it's designated lane and half on the "civilian" lane. LAMATA, please o!! before there is a bad story to be told.

A blogger found out who I was and I felt violated. I am really a private person and I was just trying to do a good deed when I contacted him. I thought of quitting my blog. I feel better about it now although a mail I sent asking not to be “outed” has not been responded to.

Finally, some good news: Gbemi reached needy people in Rwanda and Nigeria. I also know for a fact that she has done more than she has written about. I am totally proud and in awe of her doggedness. Not everyone will put their money where their mouth is.

Who is 1st? Who is 2nd?

2008-04-24T07:59:00.005+01:00

This post was inspired by this one.

When I was younger, my older cousin introduced me to a friend of hers. Let’s call the friend Patience. Patience had an interesting story. Apparently she was a second wife. I had never seen one of those up close (LOL!) and I was curious to know what would make someone who was such a knock-out become a 2nd wife.

Patience dated Ade (another pseudonym) for about 8 years. They started dating when they were in Uni and kept dating after they both left and started working. Naturally they started talking about getting married and that was when the problem started.

You see, Ade was from a noveau riche home and his family was a lot richer than Patience’s old money, aristocratic one. His mother was a dedicated social climber. The sort of woman who on meeting you would ask you who your parents were. She had grand dreams of marrying off her children to only those that were fantastically richer than they were. Think Christopher Getty and Pia Miller. Clearly, Patience did not cut it so Mother dearest refused to sanction the union. She did not just stop there, she started fixing Ade up with other more suitable brides.

Ade struggled against this and swore to stick by Patience. The struggle lasted about 3years and then Ade married one of the “suitable” brides and started a family with her. He did not however stop dating Patience and he ensured that everyone (including his new wife) knew this.

3 years after that wedding, his mother died. Less than 2 months later, Ade married Patience and started a family with her as well. He did not get a divorce from his other wife. I do not know what the state of that marriage was, but at the time of this story, he had gotten a house with Patience and was living there with her and going to his other house from time to time.

In this case, who really is the first wife and who is the second? Was Patience wrong for marrying a married man? Are there really only black and white areas to this story? No grays?

Where are they now?

2008-04-06T10:43:00.000+01:00

Having gone to uni at Lagos State University, I have had more than my fair share of run-in with cult boys. In one case, I was threatened directly with a burning ( he said he would burn my face with his cigarette and went on to try an "obtain" from me for at least 6 months after that).

Other times during class hours, I would hear the loud report of gun shots and take my position under the closest table. An occurence at night? Well that's a long story. Let me share one of many stories:

There was a time when I was reading in school overnight and there was a show ( Miss LASU) going on in school. I only heard (not saw) someone run to the hall and shout “Get out! Get out!" before the entire class emptied out. A classmate who had spent all night sleeping was the first out of the hall. LOL!

I almost fell on my way out but saw a flash of yellow as someone wearing that color shirt helped me up. I did not even look round to say thank you, so intent was I on reaching the exit. I still do not know who it was till today.

Lagos State University had no hostels /dormitories (I don't know if that has changed now) so we ran to the staff quarters. Luckily my friends and I knew a boy who lived in the BQ of the staff quarters so we all crammed into his tiny room - quietly sitting wherever we could, hugging our knees. This was at about 2 a.m. For hours after, the normal night silence was punctuated with the loud tut-tut of gun shots, For about an hour after we got in, people would come up to the door and knock but no-one opened the door. It was either you they were actually people in need or people that wanted to bring the "party" to our hide-out. There was no way of knowing so we played it safe. I still pray that we did not unknowingly leave out anyone that actually needed help.

By about 5a.m, the gun shots finally stopped. We did not leave the room until we saw people walking around. By this time, the damage that had been done was unspeakable, a few people lay around, dead. There was a boy’s body in a ditch near the Engineering department where I was to write a test at 7a.m that morning. Naturally the test was cancelled. Heck, the school was shut down. We also learned that a lot of girls were raped that night while trying to flee from the show venue where it all started.

Apart from the odd sightings of former cult boys running along side some politician’s car (In the capacity of official security detail), I wondered whether they ever amounted to much.

The other day while talking to a few colleagues, the conversation turned to cultism. There were a few boys in the group and one mentioned something that sounded a bit too knowledgeable. We all turned to him as one. After a few minutes he admitted that he used to be a member of a cult and told us that he was left with no choice…it was either that or die. Well, he chose not to die. If he ever killed anyone, I don’t know but for the 4 years I have known him, I would have described him to anyone as a very pleasant and unassuming guy. We even call him guy smiley at work to show you just how pleasant he is. So yep, they live and work amongst us. Hmmm.

London Buki

2008-04-04T13:12:00.003+01:00

I was going to post something today but then I learnt of the passing of our own London Buki's mum and suddenly my post seems hollow and full of platitudes.

I dedicate the day to her and her mum.

Here and there

2008-03-16T19:50:00.007+01:00

I have driven so much in the last month (or perhaps its just that I have driven in a whole lot more traffic than I am used to) that I actually now have nightmares about driving. Be that as it may, I still need to get to and from work starting tomorrow for the week ahead.

I remarked to a friend recently that for power, we practice load shedding in my area. That is, NEPA gives us one day off and three days on. She thought it was a delightful idea until I told her that the way it works out is that for the one day, we can be sure that we will not have any power supply. For the other three days, we cannot be sure we will have any power. For example, today is a day on and there has been no power all day. It was only restored at 7p.m. Here's hoping it will be on all night ( I berra wake up from that dream).

I just found out that my friend's husband had been physically abusing her. She either hid it well or I just was not discerning enough to see all the signs. The days she "stood me up", the limping, the not looking at people directly. Little did I know that she was struggling to stay alive. Some days he would lock her up in the house. She has left him and has started a new life.

The rainy season has started and Lagos is muddy, cold, hot and sticky. All at once.The good news is that things are no longer covered in dust. The bad news is that people keep tracking dirt into the house. I miss the dust....

In roughly 2 minutes, my sister will find out that my daughter has pulled her noise cancelling earphones apart. All hell will be let loose. I am just going to sit here quietly and ride out the storm.
I have been propositioned by a married man who wants me to be his mistress. He was my "toaster" before he got married less than a year ago (in fact, long before he met his wife). 3 months before he got married: All over me. About 3 months after getting married he started coming on to me again, subtly. 4 months ago, he stopped being subtle. This guy has pictures of his wife plastered all over his phone and has her number saved as "My darling". I wonder how his darling would feel if she found out what he has been up to.
Nepa just took light. It's 9:14pm

On my mind

2008-03-06T04:38:00.005+01:00

This is difficult for me to admit, but I am just going to plunge in and do it!
The other day I was watching a movie and there was a couple just doing "couply" things. Looking content and at peace with the world. My reaction would not have been different if I had been sucker punched. I felt a real pain in my gut that gradually moved northward and settled in my heart.

I want a boyfriend. Do I need one? I think I probably do. I have this need to be part of a couple (and yes, that also includes the not so at-peace-with-the world things too). Only thing is, I don't ever get to meet anyone. I go to work, go home. Go for meetings outside of the office, go home. Go for worship on Sundays, go home. I am sure you get the picture.

These days it seems the only way is through the matchmaking antics of friends. I certainly can't just walk up to a guy and tell him that I am interested. My own is as good as finished in Lagos if he turns out to be the sort of jerk who misinterprets that as meaning that you are a desperate maybe even promiscuous girl.

And then because I am a single mother, it is just a tad bit more difficult because a lot of people tend to get put off. And I use the word people because the guy may think nothing of it and then go home and mention that he just met a single mother and his mother, father, brother, friend will advice him against it. This does not bother me as it is a good way of seperating the wheat from the first layer of chaff.

Anyways, I do need to meet someone. Any ideas?

Bad Petrol in circulation

2008-02-28T22:57:00.004+01:00

Apparently, there's adulterated/bad petrol in circulation. You put it in your tank and your car just either dies out in motion or refuses to start after it has been parked.

There have been no public announcements/apology from the sellers but one particular marketer has been pinpointed: Mobil. Whatever you do, don't get your petrol from them.

Garages and auto-mechanic workshop are getting swamped with complants and they are all traceable to this petrol. Stallion Motors should be able to corroborate this story seeing as they have a lot of cars to repair because of bad fuel woes.

Mobil, I love you and all but this isn't right. At least call it back from the filling stations and dispose of it. If this was America, you know you would. Otherwise you would almost get sunk by the class action suits.

I am not just talking for the sake of it. My car fell victim and I had to cough up cash I couldn't afford to get it fixed. If I was in America, Mobil will not only be paying for a new car, they would give me something for the emotional trauma I have been through.

'Nuff said.

UPDATE

DPR has traced the importation of this pertrol to Oando and they have been asked to pay damages. I wonder if their share price (which was at 173.00 last week and is now at 244.28) will be affected. Read about it here

Mother of your child

2008-02-23T01:05:00.003+01:00

I have a post I have been working on for a few day. I was going to put it up in a few days but tonight I came across this video (watch it here, embedding has been disabled) and decided to blog about it instead. I had never heard the song before. Imagine my surprise when she belted out the words "I'm the mother of your child and you're stuck with me for life".

Stuck? Ah! I literally cringed and shut off the song for a few minutes. However, curiosity got the better of me and I started playing it again. The fact that I was watching the video meant that I did not miss any body language that told me what she really meant as she belted out the words. Let me summarize the unsaid things in song: You had better respect me or else I will use our child to emotionally blackmail you and make you sorry that you ever dissed me.

As a single mother, I feel some of her pain. It is hard to find a single mother who won't. The journey to single motherhood is never an easy one. The acrimony, the pressure from outsiders who do not know half your story but are ever quick to give advice. It is all a bit hellish really. It is made especially worse if there was nothing wrong with the relationship before the baby came along. "...9 ½ months ago I was your boo, ever since our baby’s been born you’ve been acting real brand new . I know what she means by asking for respect, but you don't get it by throwing a lamp at the child's father because you caught him kissing someone else (especially as this child is now about 4years old). Nne, move on.

To use a child you claim to love as a means to punish should never be an option. Moreso, the whole thing about declaring that y'all are stuck together for life is just distasteful and a cry for help. No-one is really stuck to anyone. Not mother to son. Not wife to husband. Not brother to sister. Certainly not mother of child and father of child.

And then at the end of the video, she goes: "Ha. It’s gon rain on your head!". That 's like saying "O e ti mo kan kan" ( Loosely translates to mean: You've not seen anything yet!).

Phone call

2008-01-28T22:19:00.000+01:00

My daughter was ill a couple of weeks ago. She’s better now, thank goodness.

Anyways, as is the custom, a few people called to find out how she was doing and all. The call that stands out the most in my mind is one that I received from a colleague.

Brief history on colleague: She has a 6-month old son. She travelled abroad(maybe for the first time) shortly after she had her boy. She is a pleasant and really engaging girl. However, her conversation topics always somehow find their way back to her miraculous delivery, her son and her trip abroad. It’s okay when you first meet her, but gets really tiring in short bit. I no longer ask after her son, because I do not want to get 2 minute responses that do not have any bearing on his real welfare.

Here’s a typical scenario: How is Dipo? Normal person will respond: He is well/ He is feeling a bit down.

Her? Nooooooo! A typical answer would be: “He was awake when I left o! He was standing on his bed and cooing at me while I got dressed. I kept playing with him as I got dressed and when I finally had to leave, he looked so sad. I am going to miss him! You know these children are wonderful. They really do know who their mothers are and there is an instant bond.”
On a day when she is feeling extra chatty, she will mention the fact that he has heat rashes as a result of the lack of electricity to power the fans. And how if they were abroad this would not be the case. Then she would remind you that she is planning to travel soon. Once, I asked when exactly she was planning on travelling. "December", she replied. That is soon? Okay o!

Anyway, the phone call went this way:

Me: Hello?
CO: This is CO.
Me: Oh, hi CO!
CO: How is your baby? Heard she was ill. And thought that I should all to find out how she’s doing.
Me: Oh, she’s a lot better now. Thank you.
CO: That’s good. Remember those rashes I told you that Dipo has?
Me: Yes.
CO: Some more have popped up around other parts of his body.
Me: Really? Have you completed his antibiotics dose? (Naturally, she keeps me abreast of her son’s medical history).
CO: Yes o! Maybe that is what is causing all the rashes to come out. The drug may be working that way.
Me: It is a possibility.
CO: If it is not rashes today, it is fever tomorrow. I am just really lucky that he is such a strong boy…………

She went on for maybe another minute. I cannot say I remember all she said, but she did not ever go back to the subject at hand which was supposed to be my daughter. After talking about her son for a bit, she then ended a call without mentioning my daughter again.

A most amusing condolence call.

Being grateful

2008-01-06T11:24:00.000+01:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about changing jobs. I am sick and tired of doing what I currently do. The fact that it has nothing to do with my career plan does not help how I feel about it. When I took the job, it was because I could not find a job I was really interested in but still needed to earn money to pay my bills.

In all this, I have tried to keep in mind the fact that I am lucky to have what people view as a “good” job. It has allowed me buy a car, pay for my Masters Degree in the UK, buy nice new clothes and give my daughter the quality of life she deserves.

If I had no reason to be grateful, an opportunity for that came up last week when I walked into a shop to buy a dress. I was not looking at any one person when I walked in. I just really needed a dress in a hurry, so as soon as I entered the shop, I immediately started scanning the room to see if they had anything appropriate. The sales person behind me asked me if she could help me and I turned to look at her. The next thing out of her mouth was “I believe I know you”. Whenever I hear those words I steel myself and prepare a warm and friendly face as I really can never remember anyone. In this case, it did not take me more than 5 seconds to remember exactly who she was.

You see, we were in the same university, same faculty, same department. We even stayed in the same hostel block and lived in the same area back home. I had been to her parent’s house in the past and she had been to mine. There was no way I could forget her. She was also really popular in school. One of the party crowd. I was the opposite, always choosing to stay indoors. Despite that, we got along really well, she being a nice girl and all.

The questions started mentally flooding in: She works here? Why would she work here? She is a graduate. We studied almost the same thing. I wonder how much she earns? It can’t be much. How does one survive on that sort of salary? True, it is an upscale store, but it is a store nonetheless. Is she okay with her life as it is? I hope she is. Not that she’s okay with working here, but not sad. Omigosh, I hope she’s not embarrassed to have me see her working here. I have to put her at ease. Hold on, she does not seem uneasy. All the time, I was smiling and telling her how great it was to see her. And it was.

It was a totally humbling experience for me. If she was embarrassed to see me, it did not show as she gisted with me and still carried out her job professionally. Also, the way I see it that aspect of her life may not be at par with that particular aspect of mine but then life has many facets. How am I to know of all the other ways she has excelled? She may have excelled at being a mother and a wife. At being a truly spiritual being who is close to her Maker and swings in His Holy Will.

As I left that store, clutching my purchase and a piece of paper with her phone number on it, I resolved to be even more grateful for my lot in life and remember the other aspects of life.

Who needs guns when you have ignorance?

2007-12-13T19:13:00.000+01:00

Twin boys Itohowo and Kufre stand surrounded by angry villagers who believe they are bringing evil to their lives

I read this story on Jeremy's blog last week. I am yet to get over it. Don't know if I ever will.

I work!

2007-11-23T09:16:00.000+01:00

A few months ago, my doctor told me that he felt I was suffering from depression and his prescription was that I get a boyfriend. I told y'all about it in this post. I was not about to follow up on his depression theory - maybe because as an African, I believe that there is nothing you can't grin and bear. It may also have been because I felt that I could do nothing to help my boyfriend-less state. You see my life follows a very structured pattern: I go to work and I go home. Sometimes, I go out at the weekends to get my hair done, my eyebrows shaped and un-needed hair waxed. In all that time, I have never been approached by a guy and never felt motivated to approach anyone. I had not been to even the movies for over 3 years. Going to watch a theatre@terra play was just because I wanted to show solidarity to a fellow blogger.

So, my doctor's theory and advice went to that portion of my brain where all things un-important reside. And I continued like a machine to go through the everyday rigors of life >>>>> Until, I got introduced to some dude. The first day we ever interacted, he wanted us to go out for drinks 2 hours later and I almost ran away. I thought he was rushing things...*yes, stupid me*. We ended up going to watch a movie the following day and 2 months later, we are still hanging out, seeing where it goes.

This post is not about him. He is great and all, but this is about me. My major trip about the whole thing is that I work! I work!!! I thought that I could not get with anyone again. Thought I was too disillusioned for marathon texting and 2-hour calls. Grateful that I can make plans for dinner, dancing, a movie, drinks, coffee…and not think that the heavens are going to come crashing down on my head for daring to even think that I can be young and free again.

Reading over what I have written, I admit that it sounds a bit theatrical, but I don’t care! I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I work!!

An Unfortunate Accident

2007-11-04T08:08:00.000+01:00

My cousin's driver was taking the children (aged 6 and 4) to school the other morning and was unfortunate to be involved in an accident. He killed someone. A little girl. It was a hit and run.

The details are a bit sketchy but from what I gathered, seconds after the driver realised what had happened, he stepped on the gas and zoomed off with a fleet of motorbikes a.ka. okada racing after him. "Luckily", the roads were free and he was able to out-race them. He eventually got to the house and dropped the children off safely.

I heard this story and after I had gone through a range of emotions, I wondered what had made me so callous about a human being's death. I was sad someone died, anxious that the driver and the children would be caught and certainly would have had jungle justice meted out to them. Relieved that the roads were free and that they were able to get away. If that had been my daughter on the road, I would not have had a different set of emotions. Blinding grief at her death and raging anger that the perp got away. Overall, I was more relieved than anything.

My rational mind would not have minded if the driver got caught and was forced to face the law. However, my Nigerian/Lagos mind that knows how things go knows that if he had been caught. The mob would have burnt the car, given him the devil of all beatings *or even burnt him along with the car* and certainly harmed the children that were in the car with him. At the very least, those children may not have been physically harmed but would not have been able to get home seeing as the driver they were riding with would have been in no state to take them home

I am at a loss as to how to end this post, my feelings and thoughts on the matter are all jumbled up. Jungle justice or saving the lives of 3 people?

Don’t you know that I am a married woman?

2007-10-23T07:39:00.000+01:00

An acquaintance came to me to tell me that she was getting married. I was at a loss as to what to say. “Congratulations?” “I am so happy for you?”

It is common knowledge that the groom-to-be beats her openly, cheats on her even more openly and rather than contributing to her living expenses, “borrows” money from her that never gets paid back. Strange as it may seem, he appears to have hit upon a magical formula because this girl wants to “die put” on top of his matter and has now reaped what she thinks is the ultimate prize.

A husband who is anything but.

The right to say to people: “Don’t you know that I am a married woman?”

An MRS, as opposed to us lesser mortals that settle for an MSC or an MBA.

She searched my face keenly, waiting for a response.
I settled for a barely whispered “All the best”.

The latest NEPA/PHCN scam

2007-10-15T01:07:00.000+01:00

I have hit upon what I believe to be a scam by our UNfriendly suppliers of power. I stand to be corrected, but I think that the coincidence is a bit much.

About 2 years ago, my friend who lives about 2 streets away from me started coming to my house at irregular intervals to do her ironing, blending and electricity connected thing-a-bobs. Her reason was that NEPA had started a load shedding schedule on their street. The explanation from NEPA went along the lines of the transformer needing servicing and how it was overloaded. The load shedding continued for months until the residents on the street got tired and contributed money which they gave to NEPA officials to fix their ailing transformer. I was not privy to how much was spent but within weeks their transformer was transformed.

Move on to about a year ago. An acquaintance who lives a street away mentioned in passing that they had a load shedding situation going on. Apparently, their transformer needed servicing as well. I caught up with her about 2 months ago and guess what? The street formed an organization and took it upon themselves to contribute about N1, 000,000 for the transformer to be fixed. NEPA officials gave them a ballpark figure for the repairs. It took them a year of levying every flat/house on the street to come up with the money. The very week I ran into her was the week that NEPA had stopped shedding their load. Mere weeks after money had changed hands.

Now here’s the thing. NEPA/PHCN started load shedding on my own street about 3 months ago. I have been made to understand that there is some special oil in the transformer that needs to be changed. Apparently it has not been changed since the ‘70s and now the transformer is unable to carry the load it normally carries. Yaddah yaddah yaddah...

I smell a rat, a fish and a skunk.

PS: Special thanks to the guys at Oyibosonline.com for thinking my post My Life in the Niger Delta worthy of wider readership. I noticed a spike in the number of hits my blog got and traced it back here.

An almost passenger

2007-10-01T16:22:00.001+01:00

I was in Surulere the other day and a mad man (complete with matted dreadlocks and a loincloth) was standing near a speed bump. Naturally, as I went over the speed bump, I had to slow down. This guy actually reached out and tried to open the door behind. Luckily all the doors were locked. I was in shock!!

If the door was open, would he have tried to get in the car? Would I have been quick enough to drive off even if it meant losing my door and possibly injuring him? If all of that had failed, what would he have wanted if he managed to get in the car? A ride? Some conversation? Money? Would fellow drivers that witnessed him getting in my car have stopped to help get him out?

The questions are endless. Just so you don’t have to find yourself answering any of these questions anytime in the future, please always lock your doors when you get in your car.

You never know o! E fit be you!

My Life in the Niger Delta

2007-09-15T06:13:00.000+01:00

I heard on the news today that there has been yet another kidnap of a child in the Niger Delta. By Militants. That is the euphemism for criminals. My colleague who was listening to the news same time as I was shouted “Chei, this thing is getting out of hand, government should settle these people, abeg”.

I assured her that it was not that easy and that even when money had changed hands in the past, it had gone to the elite in the community.

How do I know? I worked in one of our multinational oil companies. Not in the Lagos office, but in the operations terminal. That’s right- the heart of business. Not for me the poshness of a Lagos office with nary a community scuffle blowing up right in your face. Granted, it was not as turbulent as it is now, but still there were cases of kidnap and violence.

The manager of my department got kidnapped for a few days for giving a contract staff job to someone who was an indigene of the state but not from one of the core communities. (Very petty as contract staff do not even earn a lot). Other managers got kidnapped from time to time as well. One particularly corpulent one was waylaid on his way to work and stuffed in his boot (trunk). Generally, they left the little folk alone, but once or twice they went on a rampage and went a-pulling (Yoruba) people from their homes, claiming that they were outsiders bent on taking over their oil.

I cannot remeber how many times we would go out to join the staff bus to work and then get word that there was some community wahala and that we should go home until we were contacted. We once stayed home for over a week.

A drive around the state would show that nothing else worked. A massive bottling company and other large industries had been shut down for varying reason. The buildings of several large scale industries were in a state of disrepair and had an unmistakable air of desolation about them. There were absolutely no big companies anymore leading me to believe (even then) that the very indigenes that keep shouting about how they wanted the oil company to leave so that they could take over the management of “their oil” would certainly knock that job as well.

They complain that expatriates are constantly flown in to do the work that Nigerians can do. I accept that the scales are not tipped in our favour. However, I personally know several Nigerians (yes, even those from the Niger Delta) that have been expatriated to work in America, the UK and other foreign countries. Their children’s school fees are paid. They are given nice houses and earn more than their local based counterparts. They drive cars that their American, British, Dutch counterparts (working in the same company without an ex-pat status) cannot afford. I have witnessed first hand the joy of a family that had been informed that their father was to be expatriated abroad. The thanksgiving was not a small one. The little children told everyone they could about how they were going to start a new life in Houston.

So, am I claiming that the oil companies are always right? That they always do their best? My answer is NO. However, the one I worked for was pretty alright and the environment that we worked out of was cared for. However this could not be compared with the daily damage. The death of aquatic life after an oil spill is a gruelling sight. There was a gas flare 24/7/52/365 and my trips offshore showed that the bluish-green sea was spotted with pockets of oil slicks. The oil booms and chemicals could not get those off. However, the environment that we worked out of was cared for (to some extent). They provided electricity for two of the communities around the terminal, provided teachers for the public schools, scholarships for deserving (and sometimes undeserving) students. Trivia: My manager told me that the Nigerian government taxes the oil companies for every cubic meter of gas that is flared. Makes you wonder what the incentive would be for the government to put down it's foot as regards flaring. Why would they want to lose the money they gain?

I once saw (with my own 2 eyes, no be say them say) a letter to the leaders of a few communities that had been affected by an oil spill. This letter itemized the amount of money that was being paid as compensation to the communities. Each community got hundreds of million of naira. I lie not, I had to cross check to make sure that the figures were not a figment of my imagination. There were enough zeroes to make my poor head spin.

Reading that letter, I knew that the poor fishermen and farmers that had been directly affected would not see more than a few thousand naira. Maybe about 100,000 if the leaders were really generous. The rest would be pocketed by these leaders who would use the funds for self enrichment. They would build houses abroad, send their children to foreign universities or at the very least keep them far away from the state. My quarrel with this whole thing was not that they advanced themselves with the money but the fact that they would use the non-elite to rouse trouble whenever they ran low or wanted their pockets lined again. Then the cycle would repeat itself: Elite would rouse discontent amongst the non-elite leading to trouble by the indigenes, Oil Company forced to “donate” some money which would be shared by this elite few. A few thousand Naira to the non-elite (enough to leave them temporarily satisfied until their “thuggery” was needed again). I met some of these non-elite people and I can tell you that the hatred was palpable and all directed to the Oil companies. As far as they were concerned, their leaders were on their side and were championing the fight against THE MAN.

A clear example will be Bayelsa State where their former governor was as corrupt as they come and yet got a hero’s welcome when he flew back into the country. Trivia: There is no potable water in Bayelsa and basic infrastructure is almost non-existent. Alamieyeseigha should know. When he was ill, he did not go to any of the hospitals in the state. Rather, he flew out of the country to get medical aid. He should have utilized what the state he had pillaged had to offer.The average family in Bayelsa may not be able to come as far as Lagos for medical aid. They have to make do with what their Hero has left them. Another example is Odili. His state budget for a year was about $130billion. He gained at least 2 new jets, spent about NGN65 million on entertainment, yet the life of the Niger Delta youths in Rivers State did not witness any change. Rather, they remain desperately poor.

In the end, the Niger Delta youths will have to realize who the enemies really are and face them squarely. The enemy certainly is not Margaret Hill or any of the other many toddlers/children that are being kidnapped.

Photo from here

I got flowers today

2007-09-04T18:28:00.000+01:00

Someone sent this to me today. Usually, I delete all my forwards, but I feel very strongly about domestic violence, so of course, I had to put it up.

We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.

Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day.

Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today.

Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral! Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today......

Open letter to Madam House of Reps Speaker

2007-08-30T14:35:00.000+01:00

Shame! Shame on you. The suffering of your people do not touch you at all. Shame! The amounts of money that you spend on projects reflect your lack of decency. The amounts are vulgar to hear.

In a country where children go uneducated because their parents can not afford to send them to school.

Where people go hungry because they lack N10 for food.

Where families huddle together under a bridge because they lack shelter.

Where children carry goods on their head and sell from morning till night so that they can eke out some sort of life for themselves.

Where the police shoot people dead over a N20 bribe.

I went to a school that charged N220.00 for a semesters tuition. I found out that some people were so poor they had to pay twice. When the fee was raised to N420.00 there was a riot.

To put it in perspective, my mates in other (not private) universties were paying as much as N10,000. Also, my weekly allowance was more than N420

My friend went to school with a guy who could not afford to have his bath with soap more than 3 times a week. He could only afford a bar of soap per semester.

I could go on and on but find that I do not even need to paint this picture for you. YOU KNOW. You just choose not to see it. I am sick and tired of people stealing money and getting away with it.

I had great hopes when you were made speaker. "A woman would have the sensitivity a man may lack" I said to myself. You proved me wrong.

I have a blogger friend whose morning prayer includes asking the Almighty to kill all the corrupt politicians. I told her she was too harsh, but you give me reason to re-think my stand. I almost wish for the justice of the Japanese. Maybe that will wake people like you up.

I understand that you mother says that this is the work of your political detractors. That does not concern me. Their motive is not important here. It is what you are doing that is.
I am sick and tired of paying tax and having your ilk do with it as they wish. You all are what makes Nigeria bad.

Shame!

This is me being tired of not talking about things that affect me.
Me I go yarn, Me I go speak my mind. Make we yarn, you think say we blind.

Being Broke

2007-08-17T13:52:00.000+01:00

I am so broke that today I went to the ATM to cash the last N500 in my account. Yes folks, I am that broke. I have not been this broke in years. And to make matters worse, my car just stopped working.

We'll see how this goes.

BTW, the ATM did not give me any money because I did not have sufficient funds for the transaction. That is, I did not have enough to cover the N100 charged by the bank that owes the ATM.

The last time I was this broke, I did not have a job and that was years ago.

A Wife's Commandments/Guidelines

2007-08-11T18:31:00.000+01:00

I was wondering through blogville and hit upon this post from here. I read it and re-read it and re-read it. When I saw the title, I was getting ready to display my women's lib side but found myself agreeing to most of the simply laid out guidelines. (I prefer to call them guidelines, as commandents sound a little too hard).

A lot of marriages would work if both parties took time to be considerate to each other.

I am not in agreement with the latter part of guideline 2, but I have to say that I like this document and count myself lucky to have come across it. It may come accross as old fashioned, even archaic, but our ancestors were doing something right. Divorce rates are way up and we need all the help we can get. Besides, even for the unmarried ones amongst us, if use these guidelines loosely in our dealings with our fellow man, the world would be a better place.

Caveat: This is not to say that I do not think there should never be an OUT if there the ma(rriage is not reedemable.

Enough talk from my end. Read on.

A Wife's 10 Commandments

1. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind; and you shall love your husband as yourself.

2. You shall not make your husband into an idol, but you shall love, honor, respect and submit to him as unto the Lord.

3. You shall not take your husband's name in vain through gossip, slander, criticism, complaint or mockery; but you shall bless him both privately and publicly.

4. You shall work heartily as directed by the Lord and your husband, not by your own ideas of what should be done. You shall not be so busy working that you neglect to get alone with God every day. During this quiet time, you shall pray diligently for your husband. Be willing to put aside work in order to "play" when your husband asks you.

5. You shall honor your mother and father, but you shall not elevate their position or opinions above your husband's.

6. You shall not resent or revile or hate your husband, but you shall grant him grace, forgiveness and mercy and haceed love.

7. You shall not commit adultery, nor shall you think lustfully toward another man; but you shall thank God for your husband and be pleased with him.

8. You shall not steal from your husband. You shall not steal his marriage by threatening divorce. Nor steal his wife by leaving him alone all the time. Nor steal his time by placing unnecessary demands on him. Nor steal his joy by complaining. Nor steal his peace by endless nagging. Nor steal glances from other men by wearing provocative clothes and causing them to stumble. This defrauds your husband of an honorable wife, the other man of pure thoughts, and the other man's wife of her husband's faithfulness

9. You shall not lie to your husband, but you shall speak the truth in love. You shall practice a quiet and gentle spirit.

10. You shall not covet another woman's husband, children, friends, house, looks, wardrobe, possessions, talents and gifts, ministry, or any other thing that is hers; but you shall be content with all God has given to you.

Better late than never.

2007-08-04T14:44:00.000+01:00

Imagine, even my linked people that almost never update are asking me to update. E go better. Things are happening o!

So I went for Laspapi's show on Sunday. We laughed a great deal, it was mad fun. Unfortunately, I did not get to meet any bloggers because

1. I was too shy to introduce myself
2. I had a traumatic drive there with my friend who is a learner driver and we had to leave early. Want the full story? Read below.

I tried to talk to Laspapi's so many times. caught his eyes. gave him my special wink. sent him subliminal messages repeating my blog name over and over again. Unfortunately, he is neither clairvoyant nor clairaudient so he just passed me by.

I decided to take a picture of him just to prove that I was really there. He was a great sport and did not even look my way when all that flash came out of nowhere. He was so intent on asking if the seat in front of me was vacant. BTW, the guy with the brown collar "videoed" almost the entire play with his Nokia phone. (So if the play is released in vcd, you'll know where it came from).

The drive to the play

I was supposed to drive to the play, but my friend called me to say ask if she could please drive me to the play since she needed the practice. (She has had the car for more than a year and she still has an Learner sign on it - I have yabbed, abused, cajoled, pleaded- nothing has moved her). Anyway, she got to my place 20 minutes late. We proceeded to go pick up a friend of mine who also live in the area. If I had disembarked and walked beside the car, I would have gotten to the friend's place at the same time, if not earlier.

After we picked her up, we headed out to the Island. I don't want to go into how many times I stepped on my imaginary brake or had to coax the learner to remain on her lane. It was not made easier by the fact that my friend has a mouth like a fisherman's wife. She was veering off her lane and ran into a white bus. Rather than feeling sorry that she had hit someone, she screamed and shouted about how the guy was at fault for being involved in a brush off with someone who was a learner driver. Ol' boy, I just weak. I called my sister (who lives in Ikoyi) and made plans to pick up her car. So we got to Ikoyi and switched cars so that I could maintain my sanity.

We had to leave the play early though so that our Learner Driver would not be stuck driving at night. After another curse-filled ride, I was finally delivered home safely. By this time, I was not really on talking terms with Madam Learner Driver. She had screamed at me for interrupting the "intense mental work" that driving entailed. .

All cars parked at owner's risk

2007-07-16T03:18:00.000+01:00

I was talking to my friend about how you just can't fight with some people, especially in public. I can't remember now what lead to that conversation but that's not important. I started telling her about a girl that I knew from University. In the middle of the story, I thought that I should gist you guys too. So here it is.

Let's call her Joan. She is an Igbo girl. Tall, fair in complexion and "pleasantly plump". The first time I noticed her was when she came by my room to see one of my room mates. I joined in their conversation just as she about to leave and after that time, whenever I saw her in school we'd exchange pleasantries.

One day, there was "drama" in school. My room mate told me about it. It turned out that Joan was the center of events. Her ex-boyfriend had come to school with about 3 of his friends to “jack” her for what he claimed was the theft of money from his house. He started shouting in the middle of the faculty quadrangle about how she stole his 25k and he wanted his money back. He was not quiet about it at all. Joan had an answer for him. Here's what I remember of what she allegedly said:

"Everybody come and hear o!"
"I used to date this guy and we broke up. The other day, he saw me walking on the street, gave me a ride and we ended up back at his place. When I was dressing up, I noticed that he had some money in his wardrobe. I counted out and collected N25,000. Why not, when we dated, I got pregnant and since he refused to pay, I had to use my own money for the abortion. I was merely collecting what I was owed."

Then she looked around: "Was I wrong?"

Are you wondering what was happening with the guy and his friends? He turned tail and walked off with his friends. The abortion was probably supposed to be the ace up his sleeve. The next thing he would have said to disgrace her. Well, apparently no-one was disgracing her that day.

Fight 2. There was another fight in front of the faculty and again Joan was in the middle of it. This time, one of her friends had annoyed her badly and she started shouting.

“You stupid girl, I made you what you are. I was the one that picked you up from the gutter, gave you clothes and introduced you to that Alhaji and now you think you can give me mouth? I don't blame you. In fact, that top you are wearing is even my own. I want it back. I want it back now”. Then she attempts to tear the top off this girl. In broad day light, with a crowd of people as audience. The girl in trying to save herself, attempts to tear Joan’s own top off her body. She really should have known that absolutely nobody disgraces Joan. If she's going to go down, she'll take herself down. So what did Joan do? She ripped her own top off and (this one is according to them o!) took off her bra as well and then resumed the fight.

After that last fight, ol' boy I greeted that girl with fear and never prolonged any conversation with her. Who knows what will set her off?

Some people you should never fight with.

Hello, My name is In My Head and I am a germophobe

2007-07-07T16:00:00.000+01:00

About 7 years ago, I was sitting in a friend's car when I noticed a guy leaning on a nearby car ( I guess this is where I say that he was really handsome and I was irresistibly drawn to his foine body...Wake up!! So not happening) The first thing that drew my attention was the loud sneeze he was in the middle of. It looked something like this:

I kid you not.

Anyhoo, the bros used his hands to catch what he could (you know that using his hands to try and contain the sneeze) and then wiped said soiled hands on his trousers. I was like this:

Next thing, the friend that I was waiting for comes towards the car. This sneezy guy claps eyes on my friend and because he recognises Mr. Friend, his face splits into a broad smile and he offers his hands (avec beacoup germs) for a handshake. Unsuspecting Mr. friend takes hand and gives a firm manly shake. Then, to my horror, points to me and says "Meet my friend , In My Head ". Snotty sneezy guy then turns to me and offers his hands for a handshake. ( The only thing I could hear at that moment was the loud "Aw, Hell No!" resounding in my head)

At that very moment, I became the girl who does not shake hands. It won me a lot of enemies, but I kept my sanity and my hands reasonably clean.

Fast forward to the present: There is this guy at work that always presents his hands for shaking. I am used to having the reputation of being the girl who does not shake hands and I can't believe that there is still a human being alive that does not know about my germophobia. I have been managing this business by offering a closed fist. but yesterday he even held open both hands for a "Hi-10" Did I mention that his hands are always clammy and cold?

I have restrained myself from having to tell him because

1. He's really sensitive and might be scarred for life.

2. I am really not sure how to pass the message across tactfully. I usually just get to the point but this won't work for Mr Sensitive.

So I need your help. What do you thing think the best way is to tell him?

Fashion awakened...the last part

2007-06-25T13:40:00.000+01:00

Pregnancy treated me well. My hair became fuller, my nails grew and stayed strong. My complexion was clear. I was glowing. I was beautiful.

When I had my baby, I remember that my stomach was still a bit flabby and naturally I wondered if this was the beginning of the end. I mean, the baby was out and my stomach still maintained a 3-month pregnant look.

However in about a week, I was back in my normal clothes. In two weeks, my stomach was completely flat and had lost the blackness that came with pregnancy. I had a lot of time on my hands and money coming in although I wasn't working so I decided to focus on buying things to wear back to work. I was just so fed up with the dowdy maternity clothes and decided to give myself a treat. (yep, my mother was right). I even changed my glasses to berra ones.

My first day back at work was an experience. My office is a bit competitive in the ways of fashion and style. Let me walk you through a scenario of what you can expect when you get back from a Maternity leave.

First of all they sight you..Then their gaze fall to your tummy while their mouths are going through the motions.

"Hey, you are back! "

"Look at you, you look so good!" *Glance at the tummy*

Hug, hug *Surreptitiously feel the tummy for bulges and lumps*

Pull back, look at your face and sometimes, *hug hug again, in case they weren't sure what they felt the first time.*

May the Lord save you if that stomach is not as flat as a washboard, your gist will go round before you do.

I decided to save them all the trouble, I wore a tightish tank top and a jacket. Left the jacket unbuttoned. That way, no one would have to bother me with all the hug hugging.

true to type, this was what played out:

"Hellooo!! You!!"

Come in for a hug and secretly glance at tummy. (I actually see shock register) and then they throw all caution and secretiveness to the wind and actually stare, followed by gasp followed by

" Ah, look at your stomach. Hey, May the Lord do this one for me o! What did you do? "

I quietly assured them that I never exercised. I see that they don't believe me.

Whatever.

I have digressed jare. Let's just round up with saying that I decided to dress to flatter my body. Luckily, my sense of style has woken up (finally) and now I look good 90% of the time. Not bad for the nerd that started out earlier.

In case you are wondering why I wrote about this, it's actually for my fellow nerds who want to let out their sexy, stylish self. This is my success story. And for all those out there who think that a nerd can't chicify or blokify, you berra watch out. (S)he may just overtake you in the style game.

June 15th

2007-06-15T08:21:00.003+01:00

Today would have been my second wedding anniversary.

Thank You Lord, for saving me (and my child) from what would undoubtedly have been cruel and unusual punishment.

Gaining Fashion Consciousness..the second part.

2007-06-09T20:12:00.001+01:00

Perhaps the month I conceived (that sounds really grown –up) my daughter, I bought my first pair of high heeled slippers. They were brown with leather upper and wooden soles. The heels were 3.5” high and stiletto-ish. My friends and family were surprised as I have only done a maximum of 2.5” and they had to be solid block heels. Not for me the thin needle thin heels that my mates seem to favor. I always liked stability. Anyway, this time, my colleague in trying to make a sale, asked me to try on the slippers and walk around with them on. I did and I was curiously comfortable, so I bought them.

Those slippers did wonders for me. My scatter -scatter walk immediately got corrected. The fact that I was wearing heels forced me to walk slower and presto! I was walking daintily. The juju in those shoes also appeared to make me walk straighter. My boyfriend at the time was 6ft 4” to my 5ft 6” (okay, okay, 5ft 5” and something). It was great to bridge the gap.

I must have been about a month pregnant at the time. Feeling bolder and wanting to replicate this new found chicness in black, I asked my sister to buy me high heeled shoes when she travelled to England. When I received my new shoes, the heels were even more dainty and had more ratings on the chicness scale. I tottered around in them, they were so dainty! I was so into wearing my heels that I stopped wearing anything but my two new best friends. It got to a point that one day when I went for antenatal, a nurse called me aside and told me that pregnancy and heels don't go together and that I should go and invest in some flats. Scheew! I resented the fact that I had to (temporarily) say good bye to my shoes but I had to do what was best for my baby.

As my stomach grew, I started rotating the same old clothes all the time. Maternity clothes are frightfully ugly and the really nice ones are frightfully expensive. Pilgrimage to Self, you know how that is, dont you? My mum predicted that after at least 4 months of forced dowdiness, I would want to show the world my fashionable side. She said that for a lot of women, once they drop their "load" they suddenly go to the full hog fashion wise and even make several fashion faux pas trying to prove to the world that baby or no baby, they still have a great body.

sorry, can't finish this now. Will do so ASAP.

Fashion Unconscious (Part 1)

2007-05-26T15:37:00.000+01:00

Me minus the smile

I hardly write anything personal about myself. Not surprising when I think about it as I like to keep my private affairs private. Whatev. Here's a post about me.

I just had the most hilarious/revealing phone call with a guy pal I knew when I was growing up. I don't quite know where to start the story. Starting from the phone conversation may be a little confusing for all ye folks so let me go back a little and give you a little background on my humble self.

I was the sort of child who grew up not wearing trousers. I was clueless fashion wise and I allowed my mom to buy my clothes even up to my University days. I scarcely remember buying anything for myself- even underwear. I really could not care less. My mum would travel to Dubai and sometimes Hong Kong (she bought clothes to retail) and would also get me stuff to wear for lectures. Not all my clothes, mind you, but an uncomfortable percentage way over 60. Try and imagine how I looked wearing mainly mum-approved clothing. To make it even clearer, my mum has only very few funky bones in her body.

For anyone that has followed my blog, you'll also know that I suffer for myopia so I have worn glasses for a long time. Not for me the nice, barely there glasses. They were almost always made of plastic ( I found that I reacted to metal) and at a time, they were red. I remember that pair. I think I was in my 3rd year. A boy in my faculty once told me to get rid of them (he thought he was helping me gain my fashion feet), but on discovering that they were Paloma Picasso, he said reluctantly “perhaps they are manageable". Till today, I do not know if they were the real deal or what I like to call "pirated of the original copy"

Are you forming a picture in your head, yet? Let's move to my walking. I have flat feet and I don't know if this is related, but I throw my feet carelessly when I walk. I could never have been accused of walking gracefully. That would have been a barefaced lie. When I walked, people could tell it was me from miles away. My walk was compounded by the fact that my posture was far from perfect. This already bad posture was made worse, when in a bid to redeem myself somewhat, I bought really small metal frames that I realize now are often used as reading glasses for every day wear. The result was that in order to see my everyday things through my reading glasses, I had to bend forward and peer through it in a certain way. This led to stooped shoulders.

Then I gained weight. Due to a change in my daily diet, I bloomed to 75kg. I dd not see it coming. Just got comments about how I was adding weight and I thought that the whole world was going crazy. I mean, I was still wearing my old clothes. Then one morning, I woke up and tried to wear a top and it was too small. Oh boy, i climbed a scale and found that I had moved from about 62kg to 75kg. It did nothing for my look. Yeah, I lost 5kg in like 2 months but that did not really make any difference. I looked and felt heavy.

At a point, with all the yabs, I started dreaded getting married and falling pregnant as I did not know how on earth I would be able to carry myself. If I couldn't carry myself when it was just me, how was I supposed to manage when I had to carry someone else?

I got a job and flowed in with my "unique" fashion style. This time, I was the one shopping for my own clothes, but it did not make things better. I still had some really terrible combinations. Looking back now, I know that the guys that dated me must really have loved me for the person I am and not the person I looked like. I had some really correct bobos o! Why, the other day, a colleague met one of my ex boyfriends and said "Wow! He's cute- I want to meet him". Hmmm.

Did I forgot to mention that facially, I am really not bad looking? I have an oyinbo (small and straight) nose and good complexion and that just presents the rest of my facial features in a pleasing way.

Fast forward a few years, I got pregnant and slowly, a side of me that I did not know existed, came to light...

Not my words

2007-05-23T11:02:00.000+01:00

Please read this.

It's not my post so I am disabling comments on this end.

Pregnancy Issues

2007-05-19T12:24:00.000+01:00

“I am leaving my husband.”

I fell quiet when my friend dropped the bomb. I had last spoken to her a month ago so was not abreast of current changes/happenings in her life.

“I will leave him and then get a Senator to pick up my bills. Someone who will send me on shopping sprees abroad. When we fight and he needs to apologize, he may just do so with a trip to Seychelles or Paris. You know now! Get ready o! I will need someone to go with me on those trips.”

I quietly reminded her that she had a child and was pregnant with another.

“So? Look, Daisy Danjuma had four children when she met Theophilus Danjuma. Four children! Did it not work out for them? Don’t you see her in the papers? She’s even a topshot in government now. She wears diamonds. Diamonds! If you like say you will not follow me when it is time All I need to do is slim down a bit and tone so that my whole body will be one color.”

I asked what her husband’s offence was.

“Nothing! I just realized that I have not been living life to my full potential. This is my year to change things around. All I am waiting for is to drop this child and move on with my life. Kai! There is nothing worse than marrying a poor man. At least if you marry a man that has money, when he annoys you, you can close your eyes to his shortcomings with a shopping spree. Look, In my Head, forget everything I ever told you about marrying for love. Marry a man that has money! Marrying a poor man is not the best.”

I asked her if she has told her husband.

“No, I will just surprise him. When he gets back from work one day, he will find me gone.”

I remind her that I can hear her daughter in the background. She must have listening to her mum all this time. How do we know that she will not run to her dad and report the conversation (her mom’s side of it)?

“I am just praying. Don’t mind that girl, she loves her daddy more than me. She is always running to him to report my every my movement. Scheew”

That was when it dawned on me that this chic was not doing too well mentally. So I asked the next logical question.

How has the pregnancy been?

“Its okay, but you know I have been out of work (true she left her last job so that she could rest during this pregnancy) so I have a lot of time on my hands now to think about things. My mind has been everywhere. Thinking about what could have been if I had not married this poor man. You know the sort of people that were chasing me before now. Kai, if I knew then what I know now, I will not be here.”

Yes, it was the pregnancy talking. This poor guy had better not be anywhere in the labor room as my girl has some real anger issues and may just find some reason to hurt him physically there. Pregnancy has been known to affect people in strange ways.

Some people get bitchy. Some get cravings. Some even get suicidal.
Be nice to a pregnant woman today.

Campus

2007-05-05T19:50:00.000+01:00

Please note, I am not a student of Unilag

I had to write some exams recently and as a serious student, I journeyed all the way to Unilag (University of Lagos) to read in their classrooms. This was never my plan but I found it impossible to read at home-what with friends dropping in and staying for hours. In fact, the first day I got to Unilag, I got a call from a friend who told me in an exasperated voice that she had been knocking for a long time and that no-one had come to let her into the house!

Anyways, my game plan was simple: Get to Unilag as early as I can (say 9 a.m) and study till about 6 p.m-with a few breaks in between of course. Nothing was supposed to distract me and I figured that the only way to justify the distance I had to travel from my house to Unilag was to make sure that I actually acheive all the targets I set for myself for the day. So I packed my bag and wandered forth.

In my mind, there would be no distraction. I was not to know that the biggest distraction would be the school itself. I will not say much more, just that by Day 2 I knew that I had to definitely take my camera with me.

Let's go on a journey together. (By The Way, I only made it as far as the Education faculty..it's the one closest to the main gate. I did not have the strength/need to go further in)

Walking into the faculty. I used the classrrooms on the first floor of the building ahead.

A view of a section of the grounds.

Another section of the grounds. Students are usually found taking a break under the trees.

Ready to come into class with me?

TBack of the class. This is a view from my ..erm...seat. My back hated these seats. I wonder if they have any courses in ergonomics? The person who approved these back breakers needs to take a course ASAP.

Picture surreptitiously taken of the other people in the class. The school was on strike so there weren't a lot of students around.

This black thing on my seat took me a while to figure out. No matter how hard I wiped, it did not come off. I think someone just stuck their bubble gum on the seat months ago. It has become one with the seat.

Yep, that's my foot. I propped my legs up on the seat in front of me.

That's Madam Amina Hall across the road. I took this picture from the class. I could hear the female porter making announcements: "Residents of Madam Amina Hall that goes out should make sure that they have their ID card with them when they comes in." She said that ALL day! LOL!

Unfortunately, this picture is not clear. See all the writings on the wall? A lot of them are requests for a girlfriend/wife. The one above the door says that the writer needs a girlfriend. He even provides a phone number that he can be reached on. All the classes had these. Why, one even said that he needs a nympho. No Unilag babe should tell me that she can't find a man...I meaan they are advertising in the classrooms. LOL!

The classrooms had windows that went all the way to the floor. So I looked down and took a picture. The presence of refuse was predominant throughout the faculty. Only thing is, I don't think it was regarded as refuse anymore. People had probably gotten used to seeing the refuse that they did not see it anymore. Capiche?

Luckliy, the classrooms were really airy and I did not need to put on the fan.

But then, I wonder if I would have been able to do so. You see, There are 2 fans in the class and the fan in the picture is controlled by the thingabob on the right. O.k, I confess, out of curiosity, I actually tried to put on the fan but I was not able to work all those wires. Meanwhile, some experts would walk into the class and in leass than 30seconds would have the fan going.

About these controls, notice that the one that has the cage is the one that still has it's casing. Is that because of the cage? That would have been an obvious yes, except who steals only 3/4 of a control panel?

That cage is intruiging. If it was closed, then an individual with short fingers may not be able to reach in sufficiently enough to reach the knob and turn it. Who knew that long fingers would actually be necessary to survive in the world?

I was on a break and decide to walk around a bit. Stretch my legs and rest my back. Those seats...chei! That's a picture of the staircase. What you have next to the light is not a piece of string. It's a cobweb! The spider that started this web must have passed on the job to his children who passed it on to their chilren and so on and so on.
This is on a wall along the hall. The exco of that year justifying the dues that each student is made to pay. Need a definition for ugly? This is it.

This was a source of fascination for me. Perhaps because of it's location. Let me give you a better view.

And another.

Yet another

Now, what got me was that this is a roof (obviously) and someone had poured A LOT of refuse on it. What happens when it rains? Note to self: Not having an umbrella in Unilag is not an option.

Anyway, so I went in for a closer look and see what turned up

Did you notice it? On the left hand corner of the picture.

Mmm hmm... I decided to go downstairs for a closer look.

If those are out there and this is the Male toilet....
...with a big padlock on the door, then where are people supposed to go when nature calls?

This room (which I assume is another loo)with all the liquid oozing out of it was on the ground floor. If the outside can look like this, I am not going in there. Lord knows what I will find.

Just opposite the displaced WCs. Nothing like dried flowers to brighten up the scenery.

This notice was stuck on a wall in the faculty.

But they do have a notice board. Here it is:

I guess it's no longer really in use, huh?

And why are they keeping the door? Want to fix it up and use it later?

And for those who aspire to leave the country to further their education, "help" is here.

If the faculty us not winning for points for neatness, maybe they can pick up a stellar award for outstanding Safety practices. I do not care if this thing has no electricity coursing through it (can't confirn that it does not), it should not be there.

The post is about to end and so no-one will say that I did not learn the sandwich method of giving feedback from my "Managing People Effectively" training, here are some nice pictures to finish up with.

Faculty grounds

More of the grounds

More pictures of Madam Amina hall.

I feel that I have to mention that things were not much different when I was in school (LASU). I just got used to seeing those things everyday and they did not stand out that much.

My brother who schools in University of Nsukka tells stories of how there is a wire running through the through his hostel. A naked wire that is obviously overloaded as it glows red hot from all the load on it. At night, it is clearly recognisable from afar. (He just mentioned that it has been fixed, but the job done was really shoddy and the connections are beginning to go haywire).

I find it difficult to believe that the schools do not make enough money to take care of these little things. And because we grow up in surroundings like that, we are not as beautiful as we can be. It also reflects in our attitude to work, our sense of beauty. It has far reaching effects which I will need a seperate post to go into.

Winfrey rejected suggestions that her school was elitist and unnecessarily luxurious."If you are surrounded by beautiful things and wonderful teachers who inspire you, that beauty brings out the beauty in you," she said.

quote culled from Uzo.

Why? Why? Why? Why?

2007-04-30T16:25:00.000+01:00

Why is that when I have serious work to do, I can't seem to keep my eyes open? For at least 5 weeks, my alarm has been set to wake me up at 1:30 a.m in the morning so that I can do some studying. Every single night, when that alarm goes off, it's either I keep hitting the snooze button for almost an hour and then finally turn it off or I just turn it off immiediately and give myself one reason or another why I can not be awake.

I have had a hard day. (well, cry me a river)
I studied sufficiently during the day. (Big Lie!)
Or the biggest lie of all: I can make up for it by putting in extra study hours later that day.
I never woke up and studied. Never!

Well, now that my exams have come and gone, I suddenly find that I am actually up way past 1:30 a.m watching The complete blah blah season of something or the other: Desperate Housewives, Prison Break. Grey's Anatomy has been scheduled too.

I wish I could study this dedicatedly.

My vote

2007-04-14T18:42:00.000+01:00

Today is election day. Several people have asked me who I will be voting for. My answer: Jimi Agbaje.- the candidate that asks : Do you want same of same or do you want Jimi Agbaje?

My decision has nothing to do with the countless text messages and e-mails I have received asking me to give this 50-year old gubernatorial candidate my vote. It stems from the fact that I have caught the JayKay fever. A fever that promises a Lagos that is befitting. It promises to “ halt the production of area-boys”, turn Lagos into a “cosmopolitan city” and generally provide adequate infrastructure for Lagosians.

For me, voting is a big deal because if my candidate wins, I feel responsible for his failures and only mildly responsible for his successes (because he is supposed to succeed anyways). For this reason, I am careful when it comes to voting.

So Mr Jimi Agbaje, I will give you something that is important to you (my vote) in the hopes that you will give me some things that are important to me

*Good Governance
*Street Lights
*Removal of Area Boys from our roads (Please
don’t be like the current regime and give them uniforms in the hope of deceiving
us into thinking that they are now “employed” citizens. They need a mind change, not uniforms)
*I heard you say that you want to retain LASTMA. Not a bad idea,
as long as they are put on a leash.
*Please take care of the police in the state so that they can stop hassling people like me.
*New roads/ alternative means of transportation
There’s still a lot I want, but I think you covered it all in your agenda.

Good Luck! May they not rig you out.

Yet another public holiday

2007-04-12T15:47:00.000+01:00

Late yesterday evening, I learnt that the government had declared today- Thursday and Friday Public Holidays. I was not amused. Yes, I work and I like to get a break off work without tampering with my leave days. In fact, when I enjoy working on public holidays as the roads are free and I get paid overtime for doing my normal duties. That said, I think that it is really just ridiculous and I think a bit irresponsible to declare public holidays just for the sake of it. Already, Saturday will be an election day (Local Government and state) and we have been "advised" to stay at home from 7a.m-6p.m. I really don't mind for myself, but what about having a little respect for the economy? Other countries try as much as possible not to disrupt their economy. Besides, there are people that live on what they make every day so if for any reason they are unable to work, they may not be able to feed that day.

A friend of mine suggested that the public holiday was given to frustrate Atiku's political ambitions as the Supreme Court was supposed to pass their verdict on his case (his name was removed from the list of presidential aspirants). It is possible that the verdict passed would let him join the race again but if there are public holidays, they really can't pass a verdict and he may then not be a contender after all. I really don't know how true the story is. Whatev, it's just plain irresponsible.

Since I am on the subject of politics, let me tell you what happened yesterday. Some woman was passing out flyers and asked that during the local govt elections, I vote PDP. I pointed out to her that there hasn't been steady (actually ANY) supply of electricity since January and that for that reason, I had absolutely no incentive to vote PDP who had ruled the land for 8 years and not solved the problem. She went off again about how "my sister, you know that AC/AD has been ruling Lagos that is why..." "Why What?" I countered "There is no light in Nigeria as a whole, not just Lagos". Then she gave me the dumbest response of all "That is why you should vote us in again, so that we can continue to work on it".

I am not a big fan of politics and voting but I did tell her that based on her inane responses, I would go there that day and using tombo tombo, vote for ANY party apart from PDP. Really I won't, I just wanted her to know how unintelligent her answers were.

I can't wait for the elections to be over.

Technology-The Concluding Story

2007-04-06T10:43:00.000+01:00

Very briefly, the washing Machine got returned the day I typed the post and I lost all the data on my laptop.

Technology showed me pepper

2007-03-27T11:49:00.000+01:00

I typed this over 2 weeks ago. I will be back to give you the concluding story later.

So I just had the most challenging 2 weeks. Started with the washing machine. I put in my daughter's clothes in, pressed all the necessary buttons and on starting up, it made this awful creaky noise like something was stuck in the back of the machine and going round and round with the drum. I turn it off and check it out. Nothing.

Luckily, this washing machine (WM) is just 3 months old and so there is a warranty on it. Next natural course of action is to call customer care at the shop where the WM was bought. So I called Game on 2806000. They took down my details and the lady I spoke with told me that if they had technicians coming my way, they would come by my house. I was in no mood to go through the whole "that is crap and unproffesional" so I gave her my details just like she asked. That was 2 weeks a go. It took over 20 calls (one irate one) and giving those same details to 5 different people to get them to come and take a look at the machine. They could not fix it in my house so they took it back to their service center to work on it. This was on a Friday. They promised to return the following Monday. Tuesday at the latest. Today is Thursday and I am still WM-less. Naturally, I have taken to doing my daughter's laundry by hand. A waste of my time really as it takes too much time. A child's clothes are always more soiled than an adult's and they go through at least 3 outfits a day. I can't very well tell her to play less or be more careful because I am washing her clothes by hand. Hopefully, the people at Game will pity me and return the WM today. I have called about 30 times between Tuesday and today. That is from a mobile phone to Land line. Paying premium rates for a call within Lagos. E go better sha. If it was the last one we had, I would have been on my own as per sorting this out. At least for this WM, I have Game service Center to harass.

Then my laptop. It just keeps rebooting and rebooting. It's either the Operating System or the Hard Disk that has crashed. I can't ascertain which. I am big on warranties and after sales services so I picked up my phone and called the HP service Center smug with the knowledge that I had a warranty that I had not voided. "Sorry, we do not handle/work on/support HP Pavillions". I was floored. I mean they told me this same thing last year when I needed some sort of support for my last pavillion laptop. I thought they would have gotten their act together by now. Pavillions are the most sold HP notebooks currently. Instead, they asked me to send it to the point of purchase. Not difficult if we are talking about Cotonou. But America? The girl insisted that that was the only course of action I could take. Okay, Please help me back up my data before I send it off. " Sorry, we don't deal with software". Grrr!
I really need the data as all my baby's pictures from birth are there and I haven't backed up. I haven't decided what I am going to do as I do not want to take it to some technician that will do something to void my warranty.

I need a break.

Doctor's Orders

2007-03-06T14:52:00.000+01:00

It's official folks! I have been told to get a boyfriend!

I went to see the doctor last week because I have been feeling poorly for some time now. Guess what the prognosis was? My doctor seems to think I may be suffering from depression and that also thinks I should get a boyfriend to fill "the void".

He says this because he knows a small bit of my history and knows that my last relationship did not end well *note the heavy use of euphemism here*. He thinks that I am still hung up over that and that a new bobo wil help me rise from the doldrums of depressions. I mumbled something about waiting for the time of da Lord and stumbled out of his office.

FYI: I do not feel depressed and I am definitely not so hung up on any past relationship that it is affecting my sleep or my life.

My Naija self does not really believe in "depression". Tell me to Grin and bear it and I will be on the same page as you.

Anyhoo, I am now on the prowl (for medical reasons of course, LOL!)... Watch this space!

Tombo!! Tombo!!

2007-03-02T15:04:00.000+01:00

Which do you think he is more loyal to? Nigeria or Arsenal? Country or football?
What about you?

P.S I think one of them should overhaul his van

Everyday for the thief…

2007-02-19T21:48:00.000+01:00

As she opened her bag, out came my black belt, a cheap wooden bangle that my sister had given to me and several items from my mother’s shop.

Okay, so I’ve jumped the gun. Let me take you back to how this all started. I’m sure you are all familiar with the saying that Everyday is for the Thief, One day for the owner. Here’s my own experience.

My daughter is roughly 15 months old and for all of that time minus 2 months, I have not had a nanny, housekeeper, au pair….nada. I have looked after her by myself, with the help of my mum, dad and siblings. That is while still maintaining a full time job and studying online for an M.Sc in Engineering. When my daughter was about 5 months old, an acquaintance traveled to the UK for one month and loaned me her girl for the month- A dirty, slow Yoruba girl who’s back I was glad to see. Whenever she washed her hands in the loo she always managed to get water all over the floor. Not that she would clean it up o! She thought that water on the floor of the bathroom was normal. She sat with her legs open all the time which is something I cannot stand. Anyways, she was gone in a month and I was glad to see her go. I do not like dirtiness of any sort around my child.

The search was on for another nanny to replace this one.

Months passed, no luck. Finally, last month on the 6th of January, I got a nanny for my daughter. This was a relief for me as my exams are round the corner and I badly need to concentrate. She was neat, efficient with the housework and easy on the eyes. She dressed well too. In fact, the one thing that I noticed about her was that the chic loved her some fashion. I had no problem with that as long as she did not show up near naked. The arrangement was that she would come in the mornings and go to work with my mom (she owns a shop in Ikeja) and take care of the baby during working hours. In the evening, she would return to the house with my mum and the baby and then go on to her own place. She lived about 20 minutes walk from my house. I think it’s important to note that she was not just a walk-in. My mum has known her mother for about 15 or more years.

Anyway, the first week this girl starts work, my mum notices that some money has gotten missing from her shop. Naturally, she confronts the only person she suspects and the nanny denies it vehemently. It happened once more and then mum started watching her money more closely.

I am of the opinion that you must always catch people red handed so I started looking for my opportunity. At a point, life took over and I forgot about setting a trap for her. Then one day, I left 4k in my wallet and left the wallet in the sitting room overnight. Not too long after she came to work, I remembered that my wallet was in the living room and went to get it. I counted the money: 3,000. I counted again. 3,000. I called her and asked her what hat happened to my dough…naturally she denied it. That was unfortunate as she put herself back on my radar.

Two days later, I called in sick at work because I was not feeling well. This means that I was home when my mum and the nanny got home. As soon as I could, I gave her some money and asked her to buy something. She had dropped her bag in it’s usual place. I locked the door when she left and went through the bag. Nothing. Two minutes later, I realized that I had not checked the inside zip. There, I found my belt, bangle and a few things from my mom's shop.
When she returned, I acted normally and asked her if she had seen my black studded belt anywhere. I even helped her by stating that my daughter had been playing with it a few days ago and may had mislayed it. She denied it. I asked her to go home and when she got to the door, told her to come back and empty her bags. Her face fell and her hands started shaking.

As she opened her bag, out came my black belt, a cheap wooden bangle that my sister had given to me and several items from my mother’s shop.

I will cut the story short here. Although she claimed that she had not stolen anything else, when I threatened her sufficiently, she revealed that she had a few more things in her house. She wept like a baby and asked me not to sack her as she will not be able to find another job. She also confessed unbidden that the reason why it will be difficult to get another job was that she always felt compelled to steal wherever she worked. She had reported to her pastor and she had been asked to come for deliverance.

My response: "Well, boo-hoo! You should have considered all that before you started stealing from me. History!"

P. S: Chioma recently had a post up about her househelp wahala. You can read it here.

Posts I have enjoyed reading

2007-02-15T15:09:00.001+01:00

Some blogs are not really well known. From time to time, I will bring y'all posts I like from these little known blogs. Starting out with these two.

Hell, I am Angry! was posted last year, but I still remember it because it touched a nerve with me.

This blogger has an interesting name: So hard getting a name!
Although she has had only 2 posts up, this one is really entertaining. She reminds us that
What Goes Around Comes Around

Happy Valentine's Day!

2007-02-14T18:05:00.000+01:00

BTW: Not looking forward to the traffic that will result from all this love.

Good News On Newsline

2007-02-07T09:15:00.000+01:00

I watched Newsline on Sunday. I know I said I would no longer draw on them for stories, but this is such a happy one, I just had to share.

It's simple really. Man and woman get married in 1986, they wait for the inevitable to happen-children-and despite all their prayers and dreams, none come.

Husband is a doctor while wife is a nurse so they had access to a lot of medical help. Years go by, nothing. 5 years, 10 years, 15 years..nothing. In that time, and in despair wife asks husband to go get another wife. He refuses saying that he does not want to bring problems into their home and asks her to have faith. Her father in law calls her after 5years of marriage (I shrink from calling it fruitless) and told her to be strong and have faith in the Lord and that the baby would come when it was time.

Finally, after 20years of marriage, the woman conceives and delivers a healthy baby girl.

I like this story a lot. Wife was interviewed and she spoke of her husband in glowing terms. Spoke of his steadfastness in prayer, his refusal to marry a second wife even after she asked him to. His unwavering support of her...his unwavering faith, his ability to shield her from the pressures of relatives and other outsiders that would ordinarily made her life a misery. She concluded by calling him her “shine shine bobo”. That is what Star Beer is called, so I assume that she was calling him her Star. Husband was standing by looking at the ground and smiling from ear to ear.

Her voice broke many times as she spoke, but she obviously wanted to get her story out there, so she forged ahead. Here's a picture of the happy mother.

Congratulations Mr and Mrs Umanah!

Toss It Out!

2007-02-02T19:34:00.000+01:00

Yesterday morning, I had to throw out all the raw meat in the freezer. Out went the minced meat, goat meat, sausages, shrimps...all of the good stuff. My mum was able to salvage the Oha soup, pureed tomatoes, boiled meat and a few other things.

Yes, you guessed it. NEPA/PHCN issues are back again. We have not had constant electricity for a while. Funny thing is that we have 3 generators that are to supply us electricity but for some odd reason we have been caught with our pants down and not enough electricity to carry the freezer. Okay, not exactly odd reason. We had relaxed on fixing the generator that usually carries the freezer and the second one that carries it just stopped being able to do so about a month ago. I can't figure out why. The last one is a small one that just carries the lights and the fan.

I told someone about what happened to the food and she went " Ah! You would have boiled everything and tucked in." I can't help wondering if this chic is for real. I should sit down and eat all that food just so it does not go bad. Hmmm, I would go bad.

Anyway, NEPA/PHCN is lucky there was no kpomo, shaki, brokoto or roundabout in the freezer. If those ones had gone bad, I would certainly have gone after them. LOL!

Wise Sayings

2007-01-30T19:41:00.000+01:00

I got this from Laspapi and I had to share. It's simple and direct.

'Beware of desperate steps.
The darkest night lived will turn to day'.

No matter what we are going through, we always have to remeber that the Sun will shine again.

Thank you Laspapi!

Acceptable or not?

2007-01-26T17:21:00.000+01:00

Keep your sneeze to yourself

Don't share your germs with anyone else

Grab a tissue off the shelf

And keep your sneeze to yourself.

.............Barney and Friends

I did not go to work today because I had a cold. Mmmhmmm, "just" a cold.

I have always wondered about the proprietry of calling in sick because of a common cold. I mean, it's not like you are dying! However, I was at work yesterday and went through so many tissues, sneeze, had to wash my hands so many times, sneeze, talk to people, sneeze, cry off a meeting, sneeze, attend to a few "clients", sneeze. Half my face turned red from all the exertion (I am kinda fair in complexion). I had a headache/eyeache felt miserable. I could not wait for work to end so that I could slink off.

This morning, I woke up feeling better, but determined that I would not go to work today. I'ld rather do all my sneezing at home. Besides, I reasoned, I have my colleagues' interest at heart. I did not want to spread the love...em...germs.

So what do you think? Is the common cold enough reason to call in sick? Or just a lazy person's way of avoiding work?

Who were they?

2007-01-24T12:56:00.000+01:00

On Saturday, I decided to hang out with my sister. We were to meet at Ikoyi, go to Lekki and then the mainland. On the way we (I was with my daughter and a friend) got held up in traffic. I was so sure that it was a fuel queue "go-slow" that I tuned my mind off and decided that we would get there when we get there.

We were stuck on Kingsway (In front of the British Council) for almost 20minutes when lo! and behold a siren was heard and Mobile Police officers started weaving through traffic. First one, then another, then another, then another and yet another. I wanted to see what car/entourage was vomitting all these people out but could not see that far back. Needless to say, the traffic started moving. We got to the front of the Church of assumption and saw that it was a wedding ceremony that was holding us up. For those that don't know, the church is about 2 minutes walk from the former british council office) and we spent 20 minutes doing the distance. Arrgghh! Anyways, what was more interesting was that there were about 2 large trucks for conveying mobile police men there. There was a Black Maria (I don't know how to explain this one o!) and several other vehicles that indicated a strong military presence there. My friend who is one of the shitty..em..city people readers claimed to recognise several "dignitaries" as we passed the church. Okay, so one society wedding on the island, the traffic is over. I can deal with that! or so I thought.

After meeting with my sister, we headed out. Near the shopping mall, there was traffic again. This time, just some police men and a smattering of mobile police men. Two wedding! Apparently one of them jammed to the teeth with some sorta "dignitaries". After some delay, we were allowed to move. I must not forget to mention that this particular group actually barricaded the road and refused to let anyone go through for a long time. How dumb is that?

On our way to the mainland, there was another hold-up near MUSON center. This time, there was a bomb squad complete with several K-9's -massive dogs, several trucks full of mobile policemen and of course plenty of "foot soldiers". This wedding obviously had a really really important dignitary.

My questions are: "Who were the people getting married and more importantly, who was attending?" Does any one know? Baba-Alaye?

Sans Yeux

2007-01-24T12:33:00.000+01:00

I watched Newsline with my mom again, hoping that I would catch a cheerful story. There were a few weddings, the usual bank stuff. I thought, o.k, no bad news today. No such luck. There were about 3. Here's one.

It's a story about a 7 year old who was kidnapped and had his eyes plucked out. His father found him (after an agitated search) in a sugar cane farm sans yeux. The man, Mr A, who kidnapped him had been commisoned to get a pair of eyes for someone's juju. The jazz was so that Mr. B could be invisible. I am not even going to pretend to understand that. The medicine man (they were all caught by the police) claimed that he asked for eyes to be obtained from a cemetery. Mr A claims he just brought the boy and that Mr. plucked out the eyes, Mr B claims that Mr. B was the one that plucked out the eyes. While they are busy passing the buck, the young boy has lost his sight forever.

Baba Alaye and Olawunmi are quite right, our society has issues.

No more Newsline stories. And no, I am not running away from the unpleasantness of the stories.

update

2007-01-21T22:43:00.000+01:00

If you read my post on friendly wahala, I said I was going to bring y'all up to speed with resolving my wahala.

Friend 1: I asked her for my money and she offered to give it to me in 2 payments. I put my foot down and today, I proudly have a cheque with my name written on it plus the full amount she owes. Naturally, I am never ever doing business with her again. Once bitten...?

Friend 2: I have stopped calling her back and she seems o.k about it. Not that it matters if she was okay with it or not. My mind was made up.

So I got sorted!

Child Abuse

2007-01-14T22:42:00.000+01:00

My mum watches Newsline every Sunday Night and tonight I caught a rather disturbing story while watching it with her.

Blessing James is a 12 year old girl who lives in a shanty/face-me-I-face you with her dad. She got involved in a fight with neighbor’s son. When her dad came back from work (he’s a butcher) and heard about it, he decided to “discipline” her.

His idea of discipline was to tie her up, stark naked, for two days without food. She kept crying but he left her there. Neighbors could hear her crying so they came to plead with him to untie her and let her go but he refused. He wasn't with showing that he was boss.

He beat her on her legs with a cane. At a point, he submerged her hands and feet in hot water. Naturally, this was followed by screams. It took the neighbors calling the police on him before she was released. They had to break into the room as "Daddy dear" was not around.

By the time, she got to the hospital, she had developed contractures as a result of the burns. What this means is that her fingers and toes have bent and stiffened into place. She will need plastic surgery to straighten them out.

Hmmm! These stories seem to keep coming. We are still reeling from the sheer evil that is the story of Reverend Dr. King. Now this.

My theory is that"Daddy Dear" probably went to work, got pissed off by some colleagues but could not retaliate because he’s a coward. Got home, heard that his daughter was involved in a fight and decided to vent his anger on her. People that do these to children are usually cowards.

There was nothing said about a mother or siblings. "Daddy dear" is at large and the girl’s aunt is helping the police in locating him.

Another mentally and physically scarred child. And unfortunately, not the last.

The Silent Thief of Sight

2007-01-12T22:28:00.000+01:00

I have worn glasses for about 20years ( I am not yet 30, so imagine that!). So for a LOOONG time, I have had to be dependent on glasses and contacts (a thankful breakthrough in technology for fine girls like me who hid behind spectacles, LOL!) for good sight.

The first thing I reach for in the morning are my glasses and they are the last thing I take off at night. Quite frankly, I hate all the bother and would absolutely love to have good sight and not have a panic attack when I need a replacement and the optician says it will be 2 days or even a day befor I can get my prescription filled. Sometimes, I have nightmares about going blind.

HOLD UP! Just realised that all this is long story and that I am making this post about me. It isn't. It is actually about my dear friend who for the past few months has been complaining about his sight. At first, it was that it was blurry and then that he felt really uncomfortable. I kept telling him to go to the optician, he complained that his hospital was dragging it's feet about giving him a referral letter (he uses a HMO). Anyway, at least 4 months after he started this sojourn to see an optician, he finally got to see one.

The sad news is that he has glaucoma. When he told me, all I heard was that he had cataracts which was suprising because I was not aware that it afflicted people in their 30s. "No" he said quietly, "GLAUCOMA -The silent thief of sight". I can not say that I know anything about the condition so I googled it.

Oh boy! My friend was quietly but surely losing his sight but had no idea. As it is, he's lost his peripheral vison and has to turn to look at anyone standing beside him. No more looking out the corner of his eye (stuff others take for granted). You may ask why he did not take quick action then. The thing is that it crept up on him and he kept "managing". If you've ever lost weight or gained a lot of weight, you will have found that you do not notice it immiediately. It's really a gradual proccess.

I was scared and even more so because of these facts:

* Glaucoma is the second biggest cause of blindness worldwide.
* It affects around 60 million people, of whom about 6 million have become blind.
* Half of those affected may not know they have it because symptoms may not occur during the early stages of the disease.
* By the time the patient notices something is wrong, the disease has already caused considerable damage.
* The vision lost to glaucoma is gone forever.
* Medications and surgery can help slow the progression of the disease, but there is no cure.
* People who have a higher risk of developing glaucoma include:
Myopia: short-sightedness
Diabetes
High blood pressure
African-Americans

Glaucoma is really just about a lot of pressure in the eye which leads to damage of the optic nerve.

This is what the vision of someone that suffers from glaucoma is like.

This is actually gradual, you don't wake up and the world is like this.

So please, everyone, go for a test. It's pretty basic and really easy. Yours truly is going for hers pronto. I'll be truly heartbroken if anyone puts up a post saying that they developed glaucoma and did not know abiut it because they did not go for a test.

Find out More about HERE

Friendly wahala

2007-01-09T19:40:00.000+01:00

Have you ever had to wean your friends of a bad habit or change the tune of your friendship? Its the beginning of the year and I have these two friends in view.

Friend 1.(She's actually just one level higher than acquaintance and two levels lower than friend)

This chic owes me money. She specifically asked me to get some stuff for her from America in 2005 which I did. I handed them over October, 2005 and she is yet to finish up with the payment.

Right about after then, she found out that she was pregnant and since the Daddy did not want to be in the picture, she had to carry her burdens herself. Understandably, I thought it best to give her some room. Right? Wrong! To be fair, she paid about half the money in two installments (I always find that a bit confusing) 6 months later.

Well this is January 2007 and I am yet to get the rest of my money. It is not as though I do not see her. I see her at least twice every week, a lot of times, more. Unbidden, she mentioned in November last year that she was going to give me the balance of the money in two installments (more confusion and makes the money really useless for me). I still haven't seen a dime. Meanwhile, I saw her a few days ago and she excitedly told me that she had new pictures of her baby which she wanted to show me. She rifles through her bag and brings out a spanking brand new phone that had the pictures. She has also expanded her wardrobe since that time (I notice these things) and still no money for me.

I do not understand what it is that gives some people the liver to do things like this. Well, I have given myself a week to deal with the issue. I had better be seeing my money this month.

Friend 2. (My very good friend who I thoroughly love to bits)

This is actually a very good friend of mine who I believe has decided to abuse a privilege. Brief story: I started working before her and so have a bit more money to play around with. I also, by dint of my job get a fair bit of "credit" on my phone each month. It's also a business-plan line so my call tariffs are lower than pay-as-you-go.

Okay, so as a good friend, everytime she calls me, I cut off the call and call her back so that she does not spend any money calling me. Good of me? Nope! Apparently bad.

Not long ago, my younger brother was using my phone and perhaps picked up her call as it came in because he had just pressed the YES button to send a text when the call came in. She cuts off immediately and when I am given the phone, I call her back. First thing she says to me in clipped tones (read: barely controlled annoyance) is WHO PICKED UP THE PHONE? I calmly inform her that my brother did. She as silent for a few seconds and then she says okay like "it had better be". That was a "huh?'' moment for me.

A week later. I am at work and about to make a call. I press the YES button just as her call comes in again and she cuts of ASAP. I call her back when I am done and the same weird conversation as before plays out. That for me was a deciding factor.

I have since told her that I will not be calling her back and that if she needs to call me, she should know that she will be paying for the call. I really like her and before I would let a few measly naira spoil our relationship, I will nip that in the bud. She's friendly with the family so sometimes flashes me and asks to speak with my sister when I call her back. WTH? Why don't you call my sister or flash her? It's most upsetting when I am at work and have to interrupt what I am doing to call her back only to have her ask to speak to a member of my family.

So, I have dealt with number 2 this week. Will let you know how it goes with number 1.

Pictures In My Album

2006-12-31T09:29:00.000+01:00

Sometime late this year, I started taking pictures of different parts of Lagos. Unfortunately there are no pictures of the nice looking parts (and there are a lot of nice looking places in Lagos). Thought I would share what I have with you. Unfortunately, I did not save all the pictures on my flash so I may have to share the rest with you some other time.

I was on my way to Surulere and made the mistake of going through Apongbon(?) bridge. Little did I know that a lot of construction work was going on in Lagos Island. I remained in the traffic for over an hour. I was the only one in the car so I spent some time taking pictures and rocking the Lionel Richie tape I bought for N100.00 on the bridge:)

A portion of the bridge was turned into a car park with Alaye Boys (Area Boys) controlling that particular business.

You can buy almost anything on the bridge. Hawkers abound.

Puff-Puff anyone?

Even an ironing board for your laundry..

I was on Eric Moore Street, Surulere when I saw these men fixing some electrical fault. Thy should win an award for best safety practice;)

Making a living under the bridge (Jibowu/Yaba)

The other side of the Jibowu/Yaba bridge

Fixing Bar-beach, Victoria Island (again!). It looks much better now. Will try and get new pictures.

So this is Christmas....

2006-12-29T17:33:00.000+01:00

So, how was Christmas at your end? I spent the day at work and got back home at about 4p.m. Don't pity me o! I really don't mind especially as I do not ever have plans to do anything other than to spend the day in worship. This I can always do anywhere. For some years now, I have spent Christmas day and other public holidays at the office seeing as I am considered "essential staff". I get paid overtime so it's cool.

I did not drive to work on Xmas day and was a bit worried as to how I was going to go back home. You see, there were hardly any cabs on the road thanks to the extra looong queues at the petrol stations. You had to see it to believe it. I understand that a lot of people were unable to travel because of the fuel scarcity. Ikorodu road was littered with Area boys and other "business men" selling petrol at black market prices. 4 litres of petrol normally sells for N260 but was being sold for N2000. You buy at your peril as there is no way to tell on the spot if the fuel has not been adulterated with something other substance that may lead to a "knocked engine" or some other more damaging effect.

Then of course, the day after christmas, we were saddened by the news that there had been a pipeline explosion at Abule-Egba somewhere in the outskirts of Lagos. Some vandals had tapped into a pipeline. Others came along with basins, jerrycans and other containers and were scooping and carting away their goods when there was a spark and an explosion followed. At least 260 died. The injured ones did not go to hospital either because they could not afford it or because they wanted to avoid getting arrested on charges of vandalisation. I could do a whole post on what I think about this occurence, but I think not. There's too much to say and I hold a somewhat self-contradictory view that will be hard to express.

All in all, I still saw a lot of children and their parents, weighed down by their festive fineries, going to fast food restaurants and other places. I guess despite it all, some people still managed to have the Christmas of their dreams. After all, we are Nigerians, built with the ability to adjust to anything!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

2006-12-25T08:29:00.000+01:00

Learning from my friends

2006-12-14T15:48:00.000+01:00

I am a firm believer that there is something to learn from everyone and from every thing. Even from things that we may view as being negative, we learn what-not-to-do. Sometimes these lessons are not new to us but act as a reminder to us of what we should already know.

I have a lot of friends that I have learnt from and inspired by bloggers like Overwhelmed, Uzo and London Buki, I have decided to start a series called LEARNING FROM MY FRIENDS. I have started with my favourite story. The story of Bobo.

Enjoy.

BOBO

Bobo was a fine-boy-no-pimples and had da body to boot. He worked in one of the top Oil companies in Nigeria. I met him when I was attached there. He had exquisite taste in everything. He looked good, dressed well and had the nicest ride in town. Looking from the outside in, he looked like the average guy (no offence intended) that would spend his last dime to look good and basically live from check to check as a result.

Then I got to know him. We became fast friends after his birthday party which I (uncharacteristically, I admit) attended. We hung out several times after that and I quickly to the realization that apart from beauty and brawns (wo, the bobo was fyne!! forgive me if I say it a lot), he also had a brain. How? Well, let’s start with the fact that EVERYTHING he bought was bought under the condition that it would not come directly from his salary. It had to come from one of his various businesses or investments. All said investments were originally funded by his salary. In addition to a state of the art cyber-café (which I heard he got rid of when the cyber café business took a nose dive), he sold gold jewelry (he was a supplier to a few retailers in our little town of in South-South Nigeria). He also bought high quality furniture for people from Italy. From time to time, if the market was right, he would also bring in articles of clothing (that was something that was scarce where we lived and always sold like hot cake). He was also always on the look-out for any business deals that would bring in more money. Any expense he had was taken care of from the proceeds of his investments.

Let me give you an example of how he lived his life. His house was largely unfurnished when I met him. He could easily have bought furniture that he would make do with, but he was not in a hurry to cram his house with things he claimed would not make him unhappy or that he would have to throw away in due course. More expensive in the long run. Whenever he had an order to fill for furniture, he would buy use the profit to buy at least one item, e.g a table, a set of chairs, a sofa and that was how he was slowly and surely filling his house. With classic items that would be relevant at least 6 or more years down the line.

Also, he had the best car amongst his peers. Make no mistake, it was just a Tokunbo (second hand) car (he invested the rest of his car loan). His colleagues tried to counsel him against buying such an expensive car and a few even tried to talk him into buying a cheaper Tokunbo (second hand) car. Bobo stuck to his guns, rocked his car for 2years, had minimal visits to the mechanic garage and when the car started flooding the Nigerian market, sold it at close to the amount he got it for.

He sold the car to one of his colleagues. Ironically, it was one of those that had counseled him against getting such an expensive car. By the way, he took that money and bought an even nicer Toyota. It was so nice that it sparked a rumor that he had been promoted at work and given a car to boot. His plan was to slowly climb his way to a brand new car.

Okay, enough for long story. Here are the morals of the tale:

* Treat your salary like it’s your capital.
* Pay for nothing from your capital
* Invest, invest, invest.
* Put a part of your profit back into investment. Don’t spend it all.
* Buy what you are happy with. It’s cheaper in the long run.

The one about being married

2006-12-06T08:22:00.000+01:00

...how can he do that, does he not know that I am a married woman?

I heard these words and allowed them segue in my head for a bit, willing myself to ignore them. I lost. Turning to my colleague, I asked her what the offence was. I had only heard the last few words but I was willing to wager that her indignation stemmed from something trivial.

‘What did he do?”

“He took a sip of my drink from my mug”

You could have knocked me down with a feather. Another battle to ignore this played out in my head. Again, I lost. Stop! I begged myself, but my mouth spoke the words of their own accord.

“So are you saying that as a single girl, it would be less insulting, unhygienic to have a guy sip from my cup?”

She had no answer.

I hear this all the time. “Don’t you know that I am married?’’

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but apparently, there’s a respect that is to come automatically with being married. Once the ring is put on a chic's finger, there is a supposed to be some sign/stamp put on her that says "Hey! treat me with respect because I'm married". Maybe a halo around the head.

Am I less respectable because I am single?

To be truthful, our society is structured in such a way that a married woman is treated with more respect than a single one. A temper trauma by a married woman is explained away as “exertions of having to keep a home” whilst that of a single woman is sneered at and it is usually declared that the woman is frustrated because she is not married or she does not have a man.

Not too long ago, a friend of mine came to me with a bemused expression on her face. Apparently, she had witnessed a heated verbal war of words between two girls and when it appeared that no-one was winning, the married one said “ How dare you talk to me like that, don’t you know that I am married.” And that to Mrs Married was the ultimate rub-your-nose-in-the-dirt, I-have-won-this-battle move.Sheew. That means that women are not exempt from this give-me-respect move.

Recently, another colleague told me of an altercation that was supposed to have occured between her and some other female colleagues in another unit. I only half listened until she said " ...if they look for my trouble, I will give it back to them. After all, they are married and I am married. Yes, ke!"

My reaction to this state of affairs?

"Sorry, I did not see the halo around your head" I will treat everyone the same way.

What a cALAMity

2006-12-04T15:44:00.000+01:00

Here's a podcast where Alams was interviewed. Trust me, you want to hear this. The nerve of the man!

Shortsightedness

2006-11-25T21:52:00.000+01:00

I was watching the news yesterday when I saw him...He has lost most of his black hair to gray or perhaps he used to dye it and since jail does not exactly support that sort of vanity his true color is showing. He has lost some weight (although that is not immiediately obvious as he's a man of considerable weight- maybe as a consequence of chopping up). His face was not shown at first because he was lying across 4 or so cheap brown plastic seats. The first thing that crossed my mind was " That has to be uncomfortable!' At a point he was helped up from the seats and his face showed that he was under some sort of strain. Several people rushed to him to support him even in his sitting position.

It was Alamieyeseigha, often described now as the embattled former governor of Bayelsa state. The news reported that he was suffering from some cardiovascular disease. According to news reports, on about two occasions he slumped while trying to stand on his feet. He rested his head on the table throughout the period of the proceeding.

I tried to dredge up pity for him in my heart, but found that I could not quite manage it. You see, I had watched a report done on Bayelsa State. It was a story of promises unfulfilled, projects left unfinished, the ill gotten gains of politicians rubbed uncringly in the face of the common man. I was dismayed and thoroughly annoyed to find out that even water was not provided for the common man. Majority of the indigenes in the state do not have runnning water and have to spend at least N200 a day paying for water to be fetched for them. This in a country were the minimum wage is N7,500 a month. You try and do the Math. This was when Mr. A was still in the UK. Next thing you know, he appears and claims that it is a MIRACLE! Apparently he slept in the Uk and woke up in Nigeria. No apologies to his people for what stealing money that could have been used to better their lives.

My thinking on this Mr. A issue is that if he had had the foresight to use some of the billions he stole to build a state of the art hospital in his state, he may be flown there now. Instead, taxpayers money will have to be used to fly him abroad for the operation he needs to save his life. No pity because I asked myself what would happen to the average Bayelsan if he developed this condition. He definitley would not have access to taxpayer's money to foot the bill for his surgery. He may well not even be able to afford to register at a hospital. In fact, his fate would most likely be ...death.

Show me your papers!

2006-11-23T20:53:00.000+01:00

If you are anything like me and like to get one over the moronic policemen that stand on the road harrasing innocent car drivers, here's some good news.

It has officially been stated on the police website, here, that these are the

PARTICULARS MOTORISTS NEED TO PRESENT AT POLICE CHECK POINT

Driving License
Insurance Certificate
Certificate of Road Worthiness (Commercial vehicles only)

You Don't need to present

Vehicle purchase documents
Proof ownership (except if the vehicle is unregistered)
Receipt of plate number
ECMR

You can print out several copies of the webpage that has the instructions and leave them in your car, in case the hasslers decide to stop you. It's end of the month now and they will create even more illegal checkpoints in the hope that they can "chop" out of your pay.

NEPA, mind yourself o!

2006-11-23T11:32:00.000+01:00

I still call PHCN by its old name- NEPA

Nepa, Nepa, Nepa, your cup runneth over....We had almost constant elecricity in September. So much so that from time to time, my brother and I would actually wish that Nepa would strike and take their light away. You see, we have learned from experience to look a gift horse in the mouth. The normal trend is constant light for a month or two and then close to nothing for the following month or two. For this month of November, we have not had light for 24hrs straight. I pity our generator. I strongly believe that given the sort of work it has been made to do this month, if it had legs, it would scuttle away anytime we come close to turn it on.

And to make matters worse, it is HOT!! I called my friend just yesterday and she answered like she was dying. Alarmed, I asked her what was going on. Her answer: There was no light and she was lying down on her bed dripping with sweat because of the sweltering heat. Have a quick shower then. She had already had 3 and it was just 1 p.m. Put on your generator. It was overworked and was needed more at night. Besides, fuel isn't free.

Nepa, remember NITEL o! I remember when my cousin wanted to get a line. One of the requirements was that she submits a photograph of the house. Imagine!! That is in addition to all the plenty egunje (bribe) that she would have to pay to secure a line. She chased that around for almost a year, invested her time and quite a bit of un-official money but got no line. This was 1999/2000, not so far in the past.

Who remembers that NITEL now when all you have to do is spend 200bucks on a line that starts working immediately and even comes with free call credit. “All national trunks are busy" and waiting 30minutes for a dial tone has been forgotten. Who even remembers that Nitel owns and runs a GSM network? The average Nigerian will tell you that there are 3 GSM networks in Nigeria and not two. Nobody wants to tango with them because they bring bad memories of terrible or non-existent customer service.

A word is enough for the wise. Give us what you are supposed to

. In the words of Beyonce "Don't ever for a moment think you are irreplaceable".

Terrorist at Lagos Airport

2006-11-20T14:06:00.000+01:00

Please read this.

PUNCH

I am not sure if I should believe it or its some sort of propaganda. Kindly let me know what you think.

Turning One

2006-11-11T15:29:00.000+01:00

My daughter is turning one in a little less than a month.

I started getting THE QUESTION about 6 months ago-"So when is the party?'' For those who know me, I have an aversion to parties, weddings and all such socializing events and things so I decided to prepare their minds right from time. NO PARTY.

The reaction I generally get is disbelief and a loud “eh? No waay o!”

Their reasons for my need to celebrate?

Give thanks to the Lord for His Gift.
I am pretty certain that all the thanks I have given Him everyday for almost a year have been received. My Creator aint baal.

Did your parents not celebrate your first birthday for you?
And by doing so, did I sign a contract that I would definitely do the same for my own child?

This is one of the most important and happiest days of her life.
Granted, that is why we are having cake and ice-cream. Besides, she will have many more important and happiest days in her life to rival this one.

She will need to see pictures when she is growing up.
My family members and I plus any friends that pop by for cake and ice-cream will gather around her and take pictures around the cake.

In fact, there is no reason I can think of why I absolutely MUST throw a party for her. I have taken my daughter to 2 parties and each time, she was uncharacteristically quiet and withdrawn as though could not quite believe the crowd around her. How will she then enjoy this carnival I have been asked to throw for her?

I am more inclined to throwing her a party when she turns 5. At least that way, she will actually get to enjoy her own bouncy castle, train ride and the food that is being served, even the presents that she receives. She will also have her own friends there rather than just the adults that want to eat out of my largesse by chopping and getting their children entertained for free at her first birthday party.

Anyway, this week, perhaps because the pressure had intensified, I asked a friend and colleague whose mother has a catering outfit how much she thinks it would cost to cater to about 50 guests. Her quote seemed rather reasonable so for 30 minutes after our conversation, all those that asked me the "oh so important question" of when the party was going to hold, I told that I was thinking of just doing rice salad, drinks. That just opened a can of worms as they started with:

“Ah, no party is complete without bouncy castle.”
“Train rides, nko?”
“What about party packs? I am going to the market tomorrow. Just give me the contract” …*wink* *wink*…

" Goat meat suya will be great"

So guess what? We are back to cake and ice-cream. Anyone who does not like it can choose a body of water to dive into. Lord knows that Lagos is about 40% water.

Hate your job?

2006-10-30T15:37:00.000+01:00

I got this rather disturbing picture by e-mail today. Here's the text of the mail:

ONE SOLID REASON TO THANK GOD FOR YOUR JOB!

INTERCONTINENTAL BANK TEST SOME WEEKS BACK IN IKEJA

I actually saw them that day at Ikeja....... ..I was amazed!!

No, it’s not a political rally, neither is it a Refugee Camp nor did it happen in Rwanda .
It is very much a “Nigerian Thing”.

It's a picture of applicants scrambling to write an Employment Test @ Fototek Plaza, Opebi Ikeja, Lagos. Nigeria .

Police had to disperse the mammoth crowd with teargas!

What more can one say? I was feeling a little tired today when I got to work ( I worked from last week, straight through the weekend to today, Monday). But this perked me right up.

If we have so many people on the street struggling to get legitimate jobs, is it a wonder then that the crime rate is so high? That we are well known for our 419 skills?

We need prayers in this country.

Photo Op

2006-10-28T14:20:00.000+01:00

Someone sent this photo to me. Guess what it is!
A plane? A bird?
No, Its a HAIRCUT!

Nyama!

Sex Does Not Equal Love

2006-10-20T23:27:00.000+01:00

I had dinner in front of a televison and caught 5 minutes of a Nigerian home video on Africa Magic. I do not know what the title is. It got me thinking.

Scene one:

Village setting. Young girl and young boy strolling though the woods/forest. He is obviously from the city whilst she is from the village. He uses fly words like "baby" and "yeah" walks as though he has great sores under both feet (bouncing) and has a fake American accent.

He says to her “My heart is yours, baby”

She says in a very Igbotic accent “Heart, kwa?”

"Yeah, baby” he replies, looking as sincere as a new born babe.

She looks unsure, he coaxes her some more and the movie cuts to a new scene with young boy adjusting his belt and young girl adjusting her skirt. He thanks her, puts N500.00 in her hand " buy yourself something!" and they both walk away in opposite directions. As soon as she is out of earshot, he whoops and shouts “YES!” He has scored! As he leaves, the watchers know that this boy is either going to disappear forever or show up again when he has an itch he needs scratched. The girl meanwhile, goes off in the other direction and we can almost hear the mechanical whirring of a machine as we imagine her she daydreaming about how she is going to move to Lagos with her new boyfriend, have a society marriage, bear him at least 3 children and come back to show her village mates how she is living it up!

This is something that constantly happens. I last went to my village about 7years ago (much to my shame because I love the place). The first thing I noticed was that a lot of unmarried teenage girls had fallen pregnant. On enquiring on what the heck was going on, I was told that there had been a lot of construction work done and the girls had been in “relationships” with the laborers that had come from out of town. They had been wowed by the worldly men who had traveled around the country doing manual labor for a living. It was cool to be one of the chosen ones as the men had “money” and were so knowledgeable about things beyond their scope.

Even in the “city”, we have our young ‘uns and even older ones being wowed by the sophisticated and debonair attitude of guys and on that basis of alone, enter "relationships" with them. The outcome is hardly never good.

I am not saying that there are no other reasons why “relationships” go wrong. I am just saying that if we could adopt the "Not everything that Glitters is Gold attitude" we may save ourselves a lot of trouble.

Like a fellow blogger said in a letter to her young self, " Sex does not equal love".

I'll talk about scene two later!

On the safe side

2006-10-16T17:51:00.000+01:00

I went for a mammogram today. I should be getting the results tomorrow. It's a really simple procedure and not in the least bit painful. It just might save your life so don't procrastinate!

You can fund mammograms for underprivileged women by clicking here. Just click. It's free and you may just be making a great difference in someone's life.

Stay safe!

Gated Music Festival

2006-10-11T10:04:00.000+01:00

I was not at the LARGEST SHOW IN NIGERIA, but a friend of mine was and she took some pictures.

The ones I want to share are those of a rather disturbing gate that was used to demarcate those that had paid the premium ticket price of 100,000Naira from those that paid 30,000Naira to see the show for the two days it ran. The first picture is a close up of the "cage" whilst the second one shows properly the distance from the gate to where the premium payers were seated.

Through the gate, you can see the stage and also the big screen TV behind.

I had to re-work the 2nd picture to cut out the girl leaning on the gate (She's publicity shy). I just want y'all to see the distance to the stage.

When I saw these pictures, I was rather dismayed and thought to myself that this is just typical of Nigerians. Our need to prove that we are different from the masses just keeps finding new ways to humiliate those that have less than we do. Nouveau riche attitude really, something garish about it.

Well, trust my naija people, they eventually found their way into the VIP area on both days.

All that said sha, they obviously had FUN!!

Shine on!

2006-10-01T12:13:00.000+01:00

Sometimes, you come across words that are deep and profound and have you nodding violently. They may be words that act as a reminder to you of what you should be. I watched Coach Carter some days ago, heard this recitation and was nodding so violently, my head almost fell off.

Anyways, here it is. Hope it touches you as much as it touched me.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
....Marianne Williamson

Driving In Lagos: A GUIDE

2006-09-25T19:26:00.000+01:00

I got this funny mail (yes, it was a forward) and thought I should share. Its an interesting read and a guide of some sort to drivers on Lagos roads. Also, here is a write-up on public transportation in Lagos.

Lagos is often acclaimed as the most exciting city in Nigeria in which to drive. Who would argue? For those of you who think that driving inEngland is stressful, herewith, for newcomers and visitors, here are a few basic rules of the road for driving in Las Gidi:

First of all, know which battalion to which you belong. There is an unending and vicious road war in Lagos.

In the first battalion, are motorcyclists popularly called Okada.They have a pact with suicide - avoid them at all costs.

In the second battalion are commercial bus drivers. Their buses areknown by various names including -Danfo, Molue (literally means "I go beat you"),Bolekaja (means "Come down, make we fight),Kabu-kabu, etc.As these names imply, they are not the smartest specie onthe face of the planet. Avoid them.

In the third battalion are the "guys of the siren" escortriders, bullion vans, trailers, etc. They have immunity against death.Besides, they get a medal for every scratch, and a certificate of bravery for every bash.

In the fourth battalion are private guys like me. All we have at our disposal are big talk and empty threats - we have no rights. Sometimes we employ what is called "Ogboju"(bravado) to get by.

Further rules:

- Danfo drivers believe they are immortal. Don't yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise.

- Get used to "Okada" drivers saying things like:"Commot that scrap for road", "Mr. I go drive myself". It is normal, just ignore them.

- The first parking space you see will be the last parking space yousee. Grab it.

- Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos, potholes (and sometimes car-holes) are put in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

- There is no such thing as "one-way" in Lagos. Expect traffic from any direction at all times.

- Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork.

- It is traditional in Lagos to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant their bumpers are not touching the next car.

- When asking for directions, always ask at least 3 people. Lagosians claim to know every inch of the city - even newcomers.

- Never use directional signals, since they only confound and distract other Lagos drivers, who are not used to them.

- Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals. Lagos drivers,unused to such courtesies, will think you are making obscene gestures to them. This could be very bad for you in Lagos.

- Hazard lights (popularly called "double pointer") is not, (as commonly supposed) used to indicate a hazard. It is a warning to you that he is a bonafide Lagos driver, and as such, will not stop under any circumstance.Take him extremely seriously especially if he backs it up with a continuous blast from his "horn".

- At any given time , do not stand on the zebra crossing expecting traffic to yield to you, else you will have to explain to the oncoming traffic that you look like a zebra.

- Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty.

-Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.

- Above all, keep moving.

Clean up your act!

2006-09-15T15:24:00.000+01:00

British Council in Lagos, na wa for una o!! In case you don't know which one I am talking about, its at Thompson in Ikoyi. I have had to go to the council quite frequently in the recent past as my M.Sc exams hold there. On the first day I went (sometime in April), I wrote my exam and left. No drama. Day 2, I was with a classmate so after the exam I decided to wait for him in the reception area. Nature called, so I asked the only customer care staff on duty to direct me to the bathroom to ease my self.

Me: Hi! I would like to ease myself. Can you please direct me to the ladies?
She: (Long Pause as she looks at me up and down, up and down)
Me: (Slightly amused)
She: (Deigning to speak to me) Why did you come to the British council?
Me: I beg your pardon?
She: What did you come to the British council for?
Me: (Slightly upset at this point) I came to write an exam.
She: O.k, its down the hall to your right.

I went off thinking that "this has got to be a joke".

After doing my business, I went back to her and asked her why she had to look at me that way and then ask me that question before she could point me to the right direction. She then went on about the way people just come in for the sole purpose of using the loo and then messing it up and leaving. How they (customer care personnel) get into trouble with management as a result.

Me, I kept quiet and listened, thinking about the procedure for entry into the compound. First of all, a guard standing outside has to ask one sitting inside to "Open gate 1". You come into a cage of sorts and you are screened/wanded. Then your bag is thoroughly searched by a second guard, you are given a tag, asked to sign in and only then will the guard say "Open gate 2!" to let you into the premises.

As madam attitude spoke, I thought to myself, yeah, right!!! People go through that just to take a leak! She then went on to say, "O! I hope I did not embarrass you". I assured her in a quiet voice that she did not, but that I was suprised and midly upset at her rudeness and that there would have been a better way of handling the situation even if I had lied my way in to take a leak. Having said my piece, I walked away.

Fast forward to August 23rd. I had another exam to write and since you are asked to call at least 3 days ahead to confirm, I did just that and asked for the contact person on my letter. The lady that picked up the phone told me that he was on a lunch break. Fine. I asked to pass on a message about my confirmation for the exam. she agreed to and then I asked her when he would be back so that I could call back. Next thing, I can't hear a thing, just background noise. I kept saying "Hello", no reply. I passed the phone to a friend who was next to me and she said that she could hear people talking in the background. apparently madam was done with the call and just took off. Mistake? I don't know, but it was not nice. Especially as I was calling from my GSM phone. That's premium rate for a landline call. Not funny

August 25th: I land there for my exam and the guy at the desk is on the phone. I stand in front of him waiting to be granted audience. I realise about 10 seconds into the call that its a personal one. He's going on in his local dialect which I understand. He was nice enough to motion to me to give him sometime. 1 minute... 2 minutes...3 minutes...I was rescued by the invigilator who had come looking for me. My guy was still on the phone as I walked away. Hmmm.

Less than a week later, I was back and my chic from the first episode was there. A man who had a form to fill was right in front of me and asked if he could use her pen. In a rather brusque manner she said " No, you can't, because I am going to use it soon". I cringed visibly and without saying a word started rifling in my bag for a pen for the bobo. After that, I went for my exam.

I have to say that I am sorely disappointed in their behaviour. It costs absolutely nothing to be courteous. Like I pointed out to my sister when I told her about it, the very reason why these people are employed is so as to deal with enquiries and assist customers. If there were no customers, there would be no work for them and hence no salary. I pay £65 for each exam and I believe that if you can not be courteous naturally, then you should be because my money pays for it. I was actually going to complain to "management" the following day, but ended up not going.

Celebrating disasters

2006-09-12T11:32:00.000+01:00

I will not take a single thing away from the way people feel about the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. Indeed that day and those that followed have been marked indelibly in our minds.

My quarrel with this date has to do with Nigerians. We remember to celebrate other people’s tragedies and make a lot of noise about it, but I do not recall anyone every saying anything about the carnage that took place in our very own Lagos, Nigeria on the 27th of January 2002.
To read a brief account of what happened that day, please read here and here. Pictures are available here. My own account is that I was home when the ground started shaking…tremors? an earthquake? Planes throwing down bombs? We had absolutely no idea what was going on. Bear in mind that I live at least 20 minutes drive away from where this was occurring and yet, we could feel a lot of what was going on. My mom was already reaching for the bags of salt that she keeps in case of war times (a throwback from her experience in the Biafran war).

We closely monitored the news channels for any clue as to what was going on. Finally, Channels TV came through and explained that for an unknown reason, high grade munitions and explosives stored at the army cantonment in Ikeja had somehow started exploding. I am not sure the root cause was ever communicated.

Obasanjo who happened to be in Lagos at the time, turned up and in the face of an angry mob demanding answers, said something along the lines of " You should be lucky that I am even here". Yes siree! Your charisma was really came shining through and you showed how much of a people's person you are. (in case you missed it, this was dripping with sacarsm)

At least 3,000 people were displaced or died. Loads of people drowned in a canal at Isolo. A situation that occured because of the lack of knowledge about what was going on. People just wanted to escape and ended up drowning instead. A lot of them were children.

Till date, children are missing. Families are hopping from house to house seeking shelter as they attempt to rebuild their lives. Families are no longer whole. They have been ripped apart and have had no chance of being put together again. They cannot even end up in therapy. Our society simply does not condone such tomfoolery. And you can trust that the displaced people have not all received compensation. Those that received something got a pittance. The saddest thing is that no visible lessons have been learnt. Till date, Lagos lacks any sort of emergency response to disasters.

So, my people, that is the story of how our very own Lagos scattered not long after Sept. 11. Not even in Lagos is it really mentioned. Certainly I have never read any blog that remembered this day.

Why did I go through all this trouble? To raise awareness and also so that we can "celebrate" our own tragedies as well. This is important so that lessons can be learned from the disaster and mitigating factors put in place to avoid re-occurence. If no-one is talking about it, the government and other bodies that are involved will feel no pressure to ensure that it does not occur again. I am sure no-one wants a situation where there will be no Nigeria to come back to.

Sister speak

2006-09-05T13:13:00.000+01:00

For those of us that love magazines, this is a Nigerian webgazine that appears to have some promise. Nice presentation and all. Enjoy!

Yanga na pain o!...just rambling

2006-09-05T10:02:00.000+01:00

"There are no ugly women, only lazy ones." -Helena Rubenstein

It rained this morning. Actually, no. It rained all the way from last night till this morning. A constant flow that it didn't let up for a second. I was worried about the floods that would surely come about and how they would affect my ability to get to work, so bright and early (earlier than usual) this morning I left my house so that I could beat the mad rush for a cab. I was wearing my black heels which are fast becoming my knock-about. I love them because they give easy glamour to whatever I am wearing. I walked to the major road in search of a cab, stood for a few minutes but there were absolutely no cabs so I decided to walk down the road, a bus-stop away. Chei, mistake... The shoes chose just that time to show me pepper. Every step was pain.

I hobbled and hobbled for over 10 minutes. I can usually make the trip in 5 minutes, but I had to count every step. Lookers-on would have seen a girl walking elegantly (heels tend to do that for you). It was excruciating though. I saw an okada pass by and actually allowed myself to contemplate it then shrugged off the thought as quickly as it came. Abeg, life isn't that bad. Not that i have never ridden on bikes o! When I lived in Eket there was no other means of transport. But I digress.

Anyways, I started thinking about the pain and work that goes hand in hand with looking even passably good. I had gone to the salon last week to do my hair. Normally I have braids on because I can not afford the hours it takes to groom my hair to every week. Anyways, there was this chic there. I came in as she had fixed false nails on her hands and toes. She then had her hair done and at the time I was leaving, she was having false eyelashes attached. Lots of work, but man, she looked beautiful. I had to compliment her on my way out. She probably does that every week-spending a minimum of 4 hours at the salon. Then probably go gyming to maintain her figure. Eat only protein for weeks to stay slim. Wax to get rid of unwanted hair. Spend unmentionable sums of money on clothes. And at the end of the day, some one will say: She's effortlessly beautiful. Hmmm. Or even worse some guy will ask her why she does not more of an effort. Double hmmm.

This post is fast not becoming what I had in my mind, so I'll stop. See y'all.

Music, Food for the Soul

2006-09-04T07:43:00.000+01:00

For a long time now, I stopped listening to music at work. You know, the sort of I-have-earphones-in-my-ears-leave-me-alone listening. Well, I did it today and man, what a buzz! Music is really food for the soul. I was so productive!! I sorted out all my outstanding projects, a policy I had written and basically sat on for 2 months got whisked out of my drawer and worked on, all you-have-to-think-and-type-related things were finished and I was just there twiddling my thumbs looking for more work that would keep me on my seat and listening to the songs and perpertuating the high I was getting from it.

I have always loved music and even have an eclectic taste in the thingy,. I listen to classical, rock, r&b, hip-hop, pop, new age...name it I am there. However, I have found myself giving excuses about listening to music. No time. No light/power. I have to read. I need to concentrate. No more. This is too good not to do!

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Politics

2006-08-20T14:26:00.000+01:00

38 Governorship Aspirants Apply for Police Protection.

This was the headline for a daily newspaper today. I really don't want to discuss politics on my blog, so I will just leave it at this.

through his eyes

2006-08-16T10:06:00.000+01:00

I came upon this site recently. I love the pictures because I was able to see Lagos through the eyes of a stranger. I mean the picture of a street with the no park sign right in an obviously non-parking zone was one I have passed a lot of times and never noticed.

Most of the photos were taken in Victoria Island, which is fast becoming more and more of a business area and less of a residential one.

Well, enough talk.

Enjoy!!

No posts

2006-08-13T15:26:00.002+01:00

I haven't fashied my blog o! I have been on leave and my connection at home is questionable at best. Since I don't do cyber-cafes...too many people minding your business with you... I have decided to wait until I get back to work next week.

See you then!!

DRIVE-BY SHOOTING

2006-08-02T20:00:00.000+01:00

I was being driven past this INEC office and I thought that I would just take a shot. They must be gearing up for next year's elections.

ARE YOU A NIGGER?

2006-08-02T17:58:00.000+01:00

Surely you have heard the one about the unemployed Nigerian graduate who goes out one day in search of a job. He’s listening to his Japanese made radio and checking out the time on his Swiss made watch and hops into his German made car. This is only after he had donned his TM Lewin Jand sewn shirt and his Italian leather shoes.

He roams the streets of Lagos, gets nothing and is frustrated at the economic state of Nigeria!

My sister bought this book,Capitalist Nigger, recently, and she has been raving about it. Thought you might like to have a look. It’s supposed to be a really great book for those that are interested in ushering in a new economic dawn.
Those who need to have a financial epiphany or like me are really just not as into Nigerian stuff as we should be can also apply. Lastly, since there has been some talk about finances in so many blogs here and here, I thought I should chip in my own bit.

I wish I could tell you more about it, but I can’t as I am busy reading for my exams. However, just a few pages in, I was ready to declare that I am a Nigger.

P.S: If you did not understand the story above, then you definitely need this book. You can listen to the author’s radio interview here. Alternatively, you can just read the transcript of the interview.

Angst

2006-07-29T13:03:00.000+01:00

NOTE: I am not rich, I am not from a rich home and I did not write this becasue I think that I am better than others. I just need to voice out my frustrations. These have grown in the months since I have become a mother and I am filled with, you guessed it...angst!

I am sick of all the poverty around. Snot faced kids, begging for a buck, cleaning windscreens like their life depends on it. I look at their faces and try to imagine them in a different situation. With parents that have money. Primary school education at Corona or Grange, clean clothes, less despair in their lives and in their eyes. A warm nice bed to sleep on. If only they were that, people would not cringe when they come near. I see some of these children in the rain, begging so that their mothers, fathers and siblings will have a meal. (yes, sometimes, if you look around you'll spy their parents somewhere around).

I fear for the girls the most. They lead the blind and sometimes push the lame. I wonder what other services they are made to render. I am not thinking in extremes, I understand that a lot of the men they help around have their "wicked" way with them. Girls that don't even have an inkling what puberty is because their bodies are still years away from that particular development.

Some times I feel like screaming: Lord, why do some have nothing at all? I would love to make a difference, touch lives. No matter what I do, it seems so inadequate as though I am just tossing drops of water in a bottomless bucket in a bid to fill it up. I'm not rich or anything, but I make enough.

I have a hard time collecting clothes for the needy because people are afraid that they will get jazzed by ne'er do gooders. So I have fashied and I just do my thing myself. I give my old clothes to refugees; send my baby's clothes to motherless babies, give money to beggars when I can. Yet, it seems I have done nothing. I look at pictures like these and I am saddened. I know they are far away, but I know that if I dedicate myself, I can still reach them. I know because if someone tells me that a million pounds awaits me under a malnourished baby’s crib in Niger, I will get there (hell, I will get there if its just £2,000).

The difference in standards of living in Lagos is so great, that the poor hardly get to cross the gulf. I read this story and was filled with wonder, I had never seen things that way before. Figures, as I am neither a brie eating chic nor am I a beggar on the street. I am just plain middle class. For the record, I have nothing against people spending their hard earned money the way they want, Lord knows I do. I read Gbemi's story on the Motherless baby's home and my heart sunk to my feet. I visualised that boy hitting his head continuallly on his crib, yeeech!! My friend went to a motherless baby home and saw a baby that had been found in a gutter. Apparently, she was a few hours old when her mother threw her in there. Before she was rescued, maggots had started eating her body. Her little body tells the story. Her skin looks really pockmarked. Just 2 months old, she will grow up with the tell-tale marks of her parent's abandonment. In fact, I was made to understand that visitors generally do not like to touch her, as they find her repulsive.

Enough ramblings, what to do? what to do? Any ideas?

I RISE!!

2006-07-23T22:07:00.000+01:00

I saw the movie “something new” on Friday night and I was going to blog about how I loved it…the heroine who was black fell in love with a white man. She ran away from it for a long time because it wasn’t cool and showed that she was not “down”. Like she said in the movie, “Its not prejudice, it’s just a preference”. In the end, she shook off what society said and walked into the cotillion ballroom (akin to walking off into the sunset) with her man. Awwww…

Well, the post about how pleasant and nice the movie was has turned into a post about how I get nothing but prejudice. I get it at work, on the street and especially when I have to deal with artisans, junior staff and my fellow sisters.

I had to go to work on saturday and an issue involving the drivers was brought to my notice. True, I am not exactly their contact person, but since the issue was reported to me, I had to handle it.

I left my desk to seek out the driver in question. Made sure I heard him out, played out the empathy bit and then pleaded with him to continue to perform the particular function he was to perform until Monday comes…a week day which will bring with it official e-mails that will either relieve him of this duty he so badly did not want to do or ensure that he carries it out to the tiniest detail.

He agreed and asked me to call some one else who his company actually liaises with to talk to him and confirm that he should continue carrying out the function. “O.k”., said I, “I will get X to call you and confirm” With that, I left on what I thought was a good note. About 30minutes later, I go outside when he is supposed to leave the office. His fellow drivers are there, and he has started being stubborn about it again. In fact he even raises his voice when I approach him. Said that there was no way he was going to perfornm the task we had alread agreed on.I ask if X has called him. No. I call X to remind him and a few seconds the driver’s phone rings and he starts talking to “Oga X”. Oga??? Oga X and I happen to be on the very same level in the office. Hell, we were even in the same university together and matriculated and graduated in the same respective years. I say nothing. After speaking to “Oga” X, he turns to me and says that he will do as he was told. That’s when I got upset. And asked him if what X asked him to do was different from what I asked him to do. Of course he could not answer. And this is what I have to deal with a lot of times. Normally, I would just let it slide because I feel that drawing attention to it just makes it worse but I was so pissed off!

This might not seem like much of a case, so let me take you down my memory lane. I started noticing this sort of behavior when I moved to Port-Harcourt to work. I spent about 8 months there and I was self-conscious half the time. I had a really nice car to drive down there and I somehow tuned in to the fact that a lot of people tend to look at your wedding finger when you are driving. Hmmm, I thought it was just my imagination the first few times I noticed it. My doubt cleared when it was constantly repeated, especially when I was driving that car. I mean, for a young girl like me to drive that sort of car, a man had to have settled me big time for services rendered. And they did not stop there, a few times I had to drive into the university and the security guards would regard me with derision. Not that I am even a funky dresser. They jut feel threatened when they see a relatively young girl rolling in what they perceive to be a ride that is too nice. And this was a tokunbo!

When my husband-who-never-was (story for never) and I were setting up house, the work-men that came to fix up the place were so guilty of this behavior. Whenever I ask them to ask about something or I am talking to them, they would turn to him to either reply (hello, I thought I was the one that spoke to you) or even seek his approval to carry out my instructions. this happened so may times that I had to draw his attention to it. He thought I was imagining things until he took time out to actually notice these things. Haba!! Or was it at the beginning when we were looking for a place for him to move into? The estate agent showed ME the kitchen and said that since that would be my ???office??? I should be the one to look at it. That would have been really nice and courteous behavior if it had been that I was moving into the house or the man was not so ernest about it. And he knew that the house was for the bobo only o!

One of my future posts will be on how a LASTMA official did the obirin ni thing. Silly people driving me crazy.

Sad thing is that I get this from women as well. I had a neighbor in P/H who had 2 kids under the age of 3. Her philandering husband left one day on the pretext of traveling to a nearby town to collect on a cheque. Claiming it would be faster there. I mean this is the sort of guy who probably used the age old excuse of the dog ate my homework. She KNEW where he really went, especially as he was a no show that night. She even told me as much. And imagine, he left her about N100 and almost no food in the house. This was a man who worked in a company that people aspire to. And it was not his first time. Few days later she was talking to me about a woman that lived in the same neighborhood and said to me that she was a really difficult woman and that it was clear she was frustrated because “she isn’t married”. How I kept the laughter that was bubbling under the surface back, I don’t know. I mean, if they ask married women to stand up and form a queue, this girl would hustle her way to the front. This was her general view of unmarried women…and she was not alone at all. Loads of girls (married and unmarried do this).

A friend told me that she a girl in her class was rumored to have gotten married and she (my friend) immediately started viewing the girl with new found respect. In her words “it was as though a halo appeared around the girl's head”. I laughed long and hard at that. Then she went on to say that she had later learned that the rumor was spurious. In her words again “the halo immediately disappeared, scheeew(loud and long hiss) ” My friend is still currently unmarried. And she is not a bad person at all. Just someone that has let societal pressure get to her.

I refuse, I refuse, I refuse to feel like less of a person because I am female and /or unmarried. Why? because, I rise!!

On the move again

2006-07-16T20:33:00.000+01:00

I have always had a Vmobile line. I was with them when they were called ECONET. I passed through the worst sort of ribbing when they changed their name twice in quick succession. My friend would call me the girl that had the Econet, erm…vodacom…oops Vmobile line and ask me why I did not leave the confused network. Why? Because I love their service: especially their customer service.

Well, I have to don my armor to bounce off all the ribbing I am going to get again because they are about to become known as CELTEL. Yep, I am going to get it again!!
Signed

The girl with an Econet, erm…vodacom…oops Vmobile…no, Celtel line.
A.k.a the girl with a phone line formerly known as Econet.

Light hunting

2006-07-13T12:59:00.000+01:00

For the purpose of this mail permit me to refer to "power" or “electricity” as light". That is what I am used to.

You've probably heard the jokes:

There was a neighborhood which had not had light for 4 years. Somehow, the god of NEPA smiled at them, men came in a van, tinkered with the wires and hey pronto!!- the light came on. Children that had been born in the last 4 years and had never seen a bulb come on, much less a television ran and hid in fright, crying that "ojuju" (masquerade) had come.

So I was on my way back home from work yesterday. A colleague was seated in the vehicle next to me. As we approached the area, we both automatically started doing something that a lot of people in Lagos and I imagine other parts of Nigeria do. It’s called "light hunting". For those that are not privy to this rather interesting and subtle sport let me explain the aim of the game:

* To tell from 5 or more streets away from home if NEPA (now known as PHCN) has provided you with light (electricity).

There are rules to this game. The highly skilled in this game can

* tell you the houses that have their light bulbs on night and day. These are most prized.

* tell you which ones have recently bought generators and as such are not eligible to be used as criteria to judge as to whether there is light.

Anyways so I was on my way home and just as we turned a corner, I started to say "there's..." and he said "...light!" We looked at each other and smiled. The smile of "ah, so you too even sabi!" Apparently, the guy even sabi more than me. He said “thank goodness, I will go and iron my clothes because we are off tomorrow.” Off? I asked what he meant. Apparently, there is some sort of load shedding going on on his street where they have light for 3days on, one day off. On the day off, there will never be light. At the same time, on the “on” days, there might not be light for a few hours. Not surprising.

What started this post? We just received our NEPA bill and surprise! Surprise!! It was less than N1,000. In a house were the light bulbs are constantly blazing and were we have an assortments electronic implements to make life just a bit easier? Hmmm. goes to show you how often we have had light in the last month.

Now I got to go. Typing this post is exacerbating my headache. That’s because I am in the middle of appraising some people at work and I thought that this would relax me. It didn’t. Back to the grind.

The deadline for submission is soon. I will write more after it’s over.

Its Over!!

2006-07-11T08:41:00.000+01:00

Its over, its over thank goodness it over.... Now maybe life can go back to normal until the next big foot ball tournament.